Just noticed some new boards.. "snarky & t-ttc?" wtf

sarahkelly

I hope this is a joke, right? It's not like those two words automatically go together, like bacon and eggs. I don't see a "psychotic in the 1st trimester board" although everybody tends to be. Sorry if this topic has been mulled over half a million times, I haven't been around for a while. I just find it offensive.

Also, what's been the general rule/feeling about people with babies in siggies posting on the "IF" board? Do you need to warn first like you would on the regular t-ttc board?

tina623

The TTTC board became the IF board and the TTC 12+ because TTTC but it was so snarky and well..you know how those ladies can be, they changed the name to snarky and TTTC.  It's a little silly but it's exactly what the board is. 

I believe the ladies of the old TTTC post on IF.  The ladies on the snarky board are the ones I try to avoid.  Does that make sense?

alchris

Exactly.  I had never been to TTC 6+/12+/24+ but that became Snarky and T-TTC.  It sounds like it's a good thing since it's warning people who might have had totally legit questions and were being shot down, presumably!

TTTC became IF, which makes sense, even though it was confusing at first.   It depends on the person as far as us posting there; many have "SaIF welcome" in their siggies so you know it's safe and no hard feelings from that woman specifically.  Many women from the IF board post questions here too.

krissyh21

Basically nothing changed except the names of the boards more accurately represent the people posting. People on Snarky and T-TTC are the same people who posted on TTC 12+24 months, but it is what it is - snarky - and always have been.

Infertility is the old T-TTC board since infertility says what everyone there is dealing with and so far it has stopped the influx of "OMG I sneezed when H and I had sex, did all the sperm fall out" type questions that annoyed many. The community remains the same, loves to receive support from anyone, as long as feelings are respected along the way.

T-TTC is basically a useless board where people who are lost are posting right now. Supposedly the bump wants it to be for people who are frustrated but in between the stages of TTC and Infertility (all though that realm doesn't exist in reality) 

 

TripMomma

I have never posted over there, but as someone who did STC for a long time (years) and needed medical intervention to get PG I think a lot of those ladies need to get over themselves just a little. Yes it sucks, yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but that doesn't give you the right to be a b!tch, life goes on. I never understood the whole no pics of kids in your siggy either....do they really think no one else is having children. It's a little bit melodramatic for me.

krissyh21

TripMomma:

I have never posted over there, but as someone who did STC for a long time (years) and needed medical intervention to get PG I think a lot of those ladies need to get over themselves just a little. Yes it sucks, yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but that doesn't give you the right to be a b!tch, life goes on. I never understood the whole no pics of kids in your siggy either....do they really think no one else is having children. It's a little bit melodramatic for me.

Wow, I find it kind of harsh to call someone melodramitic for having a hard day after their failed 3rd IVF attempt and blindly opening a post with pictures of children on it. Sometimes you want to crawl in a hole and cry for a minute or two and an infertiliy board should be the haven in which to do it.

I have posted over there, and still do. I know many people over there and respect that there are hard days and they come here for support and hugs on those days. They do not live in black vales 24-7 and mourn, they do have bad days.  How hard really is it to show respect to people and type (pic/ ticker insiggy) in a title line if posting and not asking pregnancy related questions? Not hard at all!

The majority of woman are VERY welcoming to EVERYONE - whether t-ttc for number one or number 3. Just some sensativity is asked.

I REALLY find it disturbing for someone 'who never posted there' to be putting friends of mine down, espescially since you do not know them. Many of those friends have friends here and lurk, it is upsetting that they will come here and see this. The division between boards needs to stop since those girls WILL be successes one day as well!

smilee

krissyh21:

TripMomma:

I have never posted over there, but as someone who did STC for a long time (years) and needed medical intervention to get PG I think a lot of those ladies need to get over themselves just a little. Yes it sucks, yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but that doesn't give you the right to be a b!tch, life goes on. I never understood the whole no pics of kids in your siggy either....do they really think no one else is having children. It's a little bit melodramatic for me.

Wow, I find it kind of harsh to call someone melodramitic for having a hard day after their failed 3rd IVF attempt and blindly opening a post with pictures of children on it. Sometimes you want to crawl in a hole and cry for a minute or two and an infertiliy board should be the haven in which to do it.

I have posted over there, and still do. I know many people over there and respect that there are hard days and they come here for support and hugs on those days. They do not live in black vales 24-7 and mourn, they do have bad days.  How hard really is it to show respect to people and type (pic/ ticker insiggy) in a title line if posting and not asking pregnancy related questions? Not hard at all!

The majority of woman are VERY welcoming to EVERYONE - whether t-ttc for number one or number 3. Just some sensativity is asked.

I REALLY find it disturbing for someone 'who never posted there' to be putting friends of mine down, espescially since you do not know them. Many of those friends have friends here and lurk, it is upsetting that they will come here and see this. The division between boards needs to stop since those girls WILL be successes one day as well!

Thank you, Krissy.

Seeing things like this sucks.  

Aliki

Well said, Krissy.

I find it so appalling that somebody who self-admittedly "never posts [on TTTC]" can tell someone that "life sucks and you should get over it" when you dont even know these girls. It is downright mean and cruel, and I'm sad that you no longer remember how difficult, painful, and sad the journey to motherhood has been.

I hope that NEVER happens to me and I hope if I make it to the end of these 9 months, I will cherish every moment of the hard journey I travelled, and all the girls on TTTC (now IF) that helped me make it through.

JillRock96

TripMomma:

I have never posted over there, but as someone who did STC for a long time (years) and needed medical intervention to get PG I think a lot of those ladies need to get over themselves just a little. Yes it sucks, yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but that doesn't give you the right to be a b!tch, life goes on. I never understood the whole no pics of kids in your siggy either....do they really think no one else is having children. It's a little bit melodramatic for me.

I really don't think that is a fair (or kind) statement, and I'm hoping that it is just stemming from the fact that you (we) are in a very different phase of our lives now and may have some trouble remembering what it felt like.  

I do remember those days, particularly after my first IVF ended in a chem pg, when I could barely pick myself off the bathroom floor and honestly thought that I would never, ever be a mother.  The TTTC (now IF) board was my haven then.  I don't think it is too much to ask that if you do want to post there (which most women on the board are incredibly welcoming of) you simply put a few words of warning in your subject for those who may be having a hard day. 

kimarino13

TripMomma:

I have never posted over there, but as someone who did STC for a long time (years) and needed medical intervention to get PG I think a lot of those ladies need to get over themselves just a little. Yes it sucks, yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but that doesn't give you the right to be a b!tch, life goes on. I never understood the whole no pics of kids in your siggy either....do they really think no one else is having children. It's a little bit melodramatic for me.

Melodramatic?  Really? 

I don't think I will ever, ever, EVER forget the despair associated with TTTC and 3 chemical pregnancies, and wondering if I would have to lead a biological child-free life when that is all I have ever wanted for as far back as I remember.  Driving along the freeway, seeing minivans and every other car filled with kids, yet knowing how hard I was trying to have just one, and knowing there was a good chance it would never happen.  And wondering "why me?"  And "why them?"  All.the.time.  Constant reminders and constant kicks in the gut wherever you go.  Constantly feeling disappointed that I may never provide our parents with grandchildren or see my husband as a father.  No Christmases watching my kids' faces light up with joy as they opened their presents from Santa and no family outings to the zoo or Disneyland.  No kids to kiss goodnight. Nobody to call me Mommy.

I don't think they have to "get over themselves" whatsoever.

schmoodle

Ditto the others. Not fair or cool to belittle the understandable sensitivity of those who are going through a lot of pain and may be upset by seeing children. Sure, people will continue to have children, but in the few seconds it takes to warn them there's a kid pic or ticker in the siggy, isn't that worth not hurting someone? I have a baby now but remember VERY clearly when even hearing about a child hurt so badly I wanted to cry, even just when my mom would tell me about my niece and nephew...I would never want to subject anyone to feeling that and am HAPPY to respect the feelings of those on the IF board.

As for the OP - Snarky and TTC isn't really about being mean to people in general; as others have said, it was a long existing community of women who are VERY supportive and kind to one another, they just tended to be a bit goofy and have biting humor, and they didn't tolerate drive by BFPs or people who jumped in and posted not knowing what the board was (wherein arrived the snark). The Bump had been lagging for some time in re-naming their board inaccurately and finally listened to the members of the board and named it appropriately.

fallbride110406

TripMomma:

I have never posted over there, but as someone who did STC for a long time (years) and needed medical intervention to get PG I think a lot of those ladies need to get over themselves just a little. Yes it sucks, yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but that doesn't give you the right to be a b!tch, life goes on. I never understood the whole no pics of kids in your siggy either....do they really think no one else is having children. It's a little bit melodramatic for me.

I agree with the other girls with how completely rude and insensitive this entire post was, but it made me so angry I wanted to respond myself.

How DARE you call the girls over on IF melodramatic and tell them to "get over themselves."  I don't care if you've got the coverage/money and good fortune to have 5 kids, you will always, always be infertile.  You can not have a child without medical intervention.  Period.

SAIFer's wonder why some girls over on TTTC/IF don't want to come over here once they actually get pregnant?  Posts like this are EXACTLY why.  Why in the world would someone come to a board if they're in that group that just can't look at happy, smiling pictures of children without getting upset and mourning what they may never have with posts like this from TripMomma??  It's one giant slap in the face.  

Congrats on your apparent ability to forget what infertility was like, but some (most) women DON'T.  I don't know how many times it has to be said, but what is good for YOU is not good for EVERYONE.  It's a pretty simple concept and yet people fail at doing so pretty darn routinely and cause a lot of hurt feelings. 

SheWoreScarletBegonias

TripMomma:

I have never posted over there, but as someone who did STC for a long time (years) and needed medical intervention to get PG I think a lot of those ladies need to get over themselves just a little. Yes it sucks, yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but that doesn't give you the right to be a b!tch, life goes on. I never understood the whole no pics of kids in your siggy either....do they really think no one else is having children. It's a little bit melodramatic for me.

I think YOUR comment is melodramatic!!

Krissy, Kim and Schmoodle (and everyone else who commented for us on IF)-- as always, thank you for remembering where you came from and standing up for a great bunch of women on IF who desperately wish they were in each of your shoes every single minute of every single day.

TripMomma

I wasn't referring to anyone in particular, and no...after years of failing month after month to get pregnant I certainly did not forget. I was just never one to be rude, b!tchy or "snarky" to others no matter how bad my day was. I also was never bothered by others good fortune, and never minded seeing pics or tickers in siggys. I have not posted in that room because the very name of the room leads me to believe it is very snarky and proud of it...I would rather just steer clear. If that is not the way that board is I would think about getting the name changed because that gives people the wrong idea. I understand not everyone can deal as well with STC and I respect that but I don't think that should be an excuse to be mean to others. I really didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings.

smilee

TripMomma:

I wasn't referring to anyone in particular, and no...after years of failing month after month to get pregnant I certainly did not forget. I was just never one to be rude, b!tchy or "snarky" to others no matter how bad my day was. I also was never bothered by others good fortune, and never minded seeing pics or tickers in siggys. I have not posted in that room because the very name of the room leads me to believe it is very snarky and proud of it...I would rather just steer clear. If that is not the way that board is I would think about getting the name changed because that gives people the wrong idea. I understand not everyone can deal as well with STC and I respect that but I don't think that should be an excuse to be mean to others. I really didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings.

I am sorry.... but if you truly respected the fact that everyone cannot deal with IF as well as you apparently did , then you would not tell us to get over ourselves. That does not seem awfully respectful to me.  

fallbride110406

TripMomma:

I understand not everyone can deal as well with STC and I respect that but I don't think that should be an excuse to be mean to others. 

You obviously don't respect people not "dealing as well" with IF if you make comments like you did.  "Melodramatic" and "get over yourself" are not exactly comments that exude understanding and compassion. (FYI, this second sentence is mildly "snarky", which I think you have an incorrect assumption of)

Like others have said, if you haven't even been to these boards that you're badmouthing, how can you have such an awful (and hurtful) opinion about it?  

schmoodle

TripMomma:

I wasn't referring to anyone in particular, and no...after years of failing month after month to get pregnant I certainly did not forget. I was just never one to be rude, b!tchy or "snarky" to others no matter how bad my day was. I also was never bothered by others good fortune, and never minded seeing pics or tickers in siggys. I have not posted in that room because the very name of the room leads me to believe it is very snarky and proud of it...I would rather just steer clear. If that is not the way that board is I would think about getting the name changed because that gives people the wrong idea. I understand not everyone can deal as well with STC and I respect that but I don't think that should be an excuse to be mean to others. I really didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings.

Perhaps you're confused about exactly what was asked and what everyone is discussing. The "Snarky and TTTC" board is not the board these ladies all post from nor he board that we were discussing insofar as their sensitivity to seeing tickers and baby pics (although logically, one would think the same would hold true for the Snarky board). We're talking about the Infertilty board - formerly TTTC - where we all came from and where we try our best to be respectful of the pain they may be going through. Those ladies are not snarky, and they are our friends and have done nothing but support all of us before we came here (and after, I may add, hard as that may be for them). And as mentioned, the "snarky" board is not really all bad, it's a name they requested because they are their own community and the Bump was notoriously mis-naming them.

TripMomma

Thanks Schmoodle, I think maybe I was confused. For the record I wasn't calling the people melodramatic, I was referring to the name of the room. Secondly I would never tell anyone to "just get over it," (meaning their IF issues and/or STC.) My point was I know it's hard and sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone...I've been there....but I don't think it's an excuse to be mean to people. I have been a member of STC rooms (not here) and I found a lot of those ladies to be very harsh and rude. I think I misunderstood the room vibe due to the "Snarky" bit in the room name.

Dr.Loretta

TripMomma:

Thanks Schmoodle, I think maybe I was confused. For the record I wasn't calling the people melodramatic, I was referring to the name of the room. Secondly I would never tell anyone to "just get over it," (meaning their IF issues and/or STC.) My point was I know it's hard and sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone...I've been there....but I don't think it's an excuse to be mean to people. I have been a member of STC rooms (not here) and I found a lot of those ladies to be very harsh and rude. I think I misunderstood the room vibe due to the "Snarky" bit in the room name.

I think this is where the confusion lies. Snarky and TTTC is as close to a perefect name for that board as you can get, and definitely better than the TTC6+/12+/24+ nonsense that went on for a while. Yes, the gals on that board tell it like it is, especially when someone wanders by with a drive-by BFP, questions about their fertility 3 months after starting TTC, or posts GIANT pictures of their children accompanied by inane questions that belong on a more appropriate board (it happens more than you think). If I had a child I would be just as inclined to warn that group of gals (who can be as supportive as those on any other board) as I would on the IF board or a loss board, for example.

While the Snarky board may not be your cup of tea, it certainly serves its purpose. The IF board is great for technical advice on protocols, etc. and is very supportive, but at times gets dragged down with an all-IF-all-the-time mentality (and I don't blame them most days). It's nice to sometimes go somewhere where you know everyone is still in a similar TTTC boat but wants to talk about something other than IF.