Beating dead horse. S/O. It's not about night wakings.

veloelle

For me, the overall theme is if your DH helps. As in, does he share in parenting or is he checked out and assumes the wife does it all. That seems to be the overriding issue here, not if DH gets up at 3:14, 5:12, 6:17, etc, etc, etc, and you have an Excel sheet of each waking.

I see it on here all the time. Mom says that the dad "just isn't into infants and can't get up to help" which leads to "dad has no patience for toddler behavior" which leads to "DH can't handle the kids, so I just do it all myself" and that turns into "I totally resent DH for not being involved."

So now 7 years have passed, mom is a martyr, does it all and dad is golfing/skiing/surfing/basket weaving every Saturday, all day. And the mom can't figure it out. 

Dramatic scenario? Probably. But it seems to play out all too frequently.

Dead horse beat. 

eclaires

ha!  true.

I think the bottom line is you have to be happy with your situation, and if you are [and not just paying lip service to it], doing the night wakings or whatever parenting job you insert in this statement won't make you resentful of your partner.

I think I don't care about night wakings b/c IMO [and really that's the only opinion that matters w/ regards to my situation] he does/did enough otherwise so I wasn't feeling put upon.

Amanda&Chris

eclaires:

ha!  true.

I think the bottom line is you have to be happy with your situation, and if you are [and not just paying lip service to it], doing the night wakings or whatever parenting job you insert in this statement won't make you resentful of your partner.

I think I don't care about night wakings b/c IMO [and really that's the only opinion that matters w/ regards to my situation] he does/did enough otherwise so I wasn't feeling put upon.

Ditto.

And I think equal is overrated which is what bugs me about all posts along these lines, not just nightwakings.  I don't think things have to be equal to be fair and I don't like the implication that a husband who does 50% of something is somehow better than one who doesn't.

MH has a very demanding job and is a workaholic on top of that.  Do I complain about it sometimes?  Sure do.  But overall our situation works for us.  I am happy to be a "1950s wife" and let him earn the money.  We have the same degree from the same school, but I have ZERO desire to do what he's doing. 

I am thrilled to be able to SAH while also being able to do fun things, go shopping, etc. and am willing to put up with a lot in return.

lucyfox

I agree with A&C and eclaires as usual

WendyK

I agree. I don't mind getting up at night with DS (he is a toddler now so it does not happen that often), because I am a light sleeper and will get up. We are more like 70% me and 30% DH, which works for us. My job is taxing but nothing near the level of my DH's job. He is a great dad, plays with DS, discipline, etc. I just do more of the stuff like cooking, laundry, etc. This works for our family. My DH steps up when I am out of town and does everything with no complaints. I just think it varies by family.

4Speedy

We do not split childcare 50/50.  I also don't usually mow the lawn or plow the snow out of the driveway or chop the fire wood.  And all of that takes hours each week.  So while we both work at running our family and household equally, we both do it in very different ways.

And for the record, it takes 4 hours to mow our lawn when we do a "quick" job of it.  So while I don't "usually" mow it, I have helped out just to get it done when we have other things we would like to do on a Saturday as a family. (we each grab a mower and work for 2 hours)  And unfortunately, with my dad being in the ICU for 3 months this summer and needing multiple emergency surgeries, I've had to call DH to leave work and come home to care for our kids while I run to the hospital to make important decisions reagarding my dad's healthcare.  He has gladly spent hours cooking, cleaning and caring for kids this summer. 

So while I normally do the lion's share of childcare, we definitely equally participate in running our home.  And when needed, we are each willing and able to pick up the slack for the other.  It all works out in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KrisBriMcBunny

4Speedy:

So while I normally do the lion's share of childcare, we definitely equally participate in running our home.  And when needed, we are each willing and able to pick up the slack for the other.  It all works out in the end.

 

perfectly said