It's one thing to do all the feedings, etc. so your DH is fresh to get up and go to work. I've done them all.
But on his days off, I don't think its wrong to expect him to get up early one day every so often with the kids. Or when he comes home and his job is done, to help get the kids ready for bed.
To me that's parenting-its not a his or her job.
So I guess my question is-does your DH pitch in that way? I'll be honest-my DH rarely gets up with the kids. His excuse is that he gets up for work everyday so he should get to sleep in.
We are still working this one out.
Re: s/o of the 2nd 50/50
Yes, he does.
I got up at 10:40 this morning - he'd already been up w/ Jackson for 2 hours.
When he's home, he's as much as of a parent as I am, if not more, b/c he wants time with Jackson.
I do all night feedings because I chose to EBF/cosleep. For me, I get more sleep this way.
I do require that DH be home at bedtime (he can go back to work afterwards-no commute) because I need help with the bigger kids (esp with an infant). He never gets up early but I go to bed early (10am) or sometimes earlier with an infant, kids are up by 630am, so I get plenty of sleep. He does help when I am sick or not feeling up to it.
DH's job (and heck sometimes mine too) is rarely done when we leave work.
He will help out whenever I need it. On his days off he is pretty helpful (especially with the older one). Honestly his hours vary so much - he works in the film industry so there is never any rhyme or reason to his hours except that they are always LONG. He got home this morning at 6 am so of course I'm up with the kids.
We each pull our weight in different areas
This. When DD gets up on weekends we both get up, have breakfast, etc. We don't take turns on any type of task or parenting duty. I have things I always do, he has things he always does, and other things we do together or whoever is around does them.
I agree w/ not keeping score - we don't do that.
Well unless its naptime, on a weekend, like right now, and I've been up there 4 times already and tell MH it's his turn.
Anyway, I think part of the reason neither of us feel the need to keep score is because we're both happy with what we do, what the other does and the way we work it out. There's no need for us to sit around and add up who did what, b/c it's equal enough [in the sense that neither of us feels like we're doing the bulk of everything in the household, and I include working out of the home and bringing home the money in that]. There's so many factors that go into a balanced household, I think it's impossible to achieve any type of 50/50 split; not to mention unnecessary.
DH seems to be keeping score which pisses me off. If he does bath time with one and I ask the next night to put one in bed, he'll say I did bath time yesterday.
If I bring it up that we aren't keeping score, he gets pissed off "I'm not keeping score." I'm out of ideas on approach now. Any ideas. He works hard and I appreciate it, but man I don't want a checklist of how my day vs his goes.