Would your DH be mad if you posted this on your blog? (long)

mlfricke

misjenn:

I am guessing his anger is based out of guilt. I would take the picture down, but suggest to him that if he has a problem with how others see him that he should take a deep look at how he is living his life and what type of father he is being.

This!

MrsJeffsWife2B

inbetweendreams:

I read your blog. I saw that series of pictures and didn't think a thing about him being on the couch. You document life, and that's what was happening when you took the photo. It's not like people don't nap on the couch!

Do you think it has more to do with where you are in your reconciliation? IDK anything about you guys, but maybe he's worried what Internet strangers will think since you've posted about your separation. Or maybe he's defensive of how he's portrayed on your blog (which is never negative IMO) since it's public.

Sorry to hear of the rough patch. I hope he'll talk about it more and realize how silly this is in the grand scheme of things. Most readers were probably too focused on your DS's cute expression to even notice anything else.

 

Thank you all SO much for your thoughtful responses.. I wish I could quote and respond to everyone!!!

I think it's maybe true that he's a bit defensive, or at least angry about my blog because I didn't post about our reconciliation.. that hurt him and he mentioned it during the two weeks when our reconciliation was actually working well. I was honestly reluctant to post about it because I didn't want my blog to become the stage on which our relationship ins and outs are played out on, and I guess I wasn't sure in my heart of hearts that we would make it. 

As for those that mentioned he might be feeling guilty about being hungover, I don't think that's it - whatever problems the two of us have he is a fantastic involved father (thank god)  ocassional binge drinking episode aside.

We were in counseling until therapist suggested invidivual counseling which is what he is doing now, and yes he has anger issues mostly arising from how his dad treated him in childhood.

I also want to make it clear that I never would have WILLINGLY put something on my blog that I thought would make him look bad, and I did edit them out when he asked. He could have asked a lot nicer though, which to ME is the actually root of the problem. 

 

 

southernbelle82

I don't understand why he's upset...it's not a bad picture of him.  I think it's cute...looks like he's tired from playing with his kid and catching a nap.  That said, sometimes pics of my DH that I think are cute, he doesn't like and doesn't want to posted on FB or the blog.

Now the way your DH handled the situation is ridiculous.  Anger management might be his friend.

afwells

I think it is ALL very clear in his comments. To say something about "your failing marriage" was an absolutely horrible comment.  To just email you or call you and yell about the picture is one thing.  But to put out this public comment on your board was uncalled for.  THAT is childish.  I can understand being embarrassed, there are pictures my friends have put up of me that I cringe, but I realize I see myself in a totally different light than they do and they think something is funny or cut that I find embarrassing.

However, I would never ever in a million years post something so disrespectful of your marriage like he did.  He owes you a HUGE apology.

On a side note, I want to thank you for that blog & your photoshop tutorials.  See pics in my siggy below, the are spruced up using your layer techniques and it's made a ton of difference when working with a wrinkly white sheet as a background.  =D

nbjenni

Sigh. I've dealt with this before. My husband rarely ever looks at my blog. Yet he got his panties in a bunch a while back when I posted my fake Christmas letter and said he got a bajillion dollar raise - come on dude, sarcasm here. And he's been peeved when commenters say stuff about our relationship, and the fact I've never outright posted about reconciling. My retort to him is this - write your own damn blog about whatever you want. This is my creative outlet. Sorry you are dealing with this.

About the reconciliation -  how weird is it that we both separated and are both now reconciling. Have you guys done counciling?

MrsJeffsWife2B

Rach03k:

I just read the comments. I'm sorry

If you do still have hopes for reconciliation I would advise you to just delete the pictures instead of editing them with the comment that it was at the request of the background subject. I would also delete the comments off of the blog, and delete this thread as well. I don't think this is the kind of thing you want aired out in public if there is any chance that you're going to try to work through the issues you guys have. 

Good luck. 

That's just it though.. I'm not sure now that it's what I want anymore

userdeleted

southernbelle82:

Now the way your DH handled the situation is ridiculous.  Anger management might be his friend.

I was going to suggest this as well. I don't think he was totally out of line to just request that the pictures be taken down if he didn't like them. Doing it so publicly and so violently is worrisome. It doesn't sound like he has the tools to control his anger and frustration. Your family shouldn't have to deal with a possible explosion over every little thing, and I imagine it's not easy for him to deal with either! I think, if I were in your shoes, anger management would be something I would absolutely insist on.

BartsGirl

Amrice78:

DH gets mad if I put any picture of him up online - so yeah he'd be upset with it.

Same with my DH...

 

ETA: I just read his comments and I am sad and hurt for you.  While he may not want his pictures posted, he has no right to speak to you in such a manner...especially "in public"

wareto

Not at all, We've both been guilty of posting less than flattering pics of eachother on our Facebook's etc. if DS looks cute enough to make it worthwhile. I too would be worried about his reaction more than what upset him in the first place, it seems like a small and random thing to get that pissed over.

violetvirgo

Okay I just read his comments....um....FUKC NO!  That's beyond disrespectful and makes it seem like he simply doesn't give a shitt about your marriage.  I can't believe he posted that for all the world to see.  It definitely made him look a HELL of a lot worse than the pictures did (which of course most people didn't notice b/c lets be honest, the kid is who people care about). 

I'm outraged for you.  I'm so sorry and I wouldn't delete those comments either.  What a douche.

Shell24

I'm really sorry he blew up at you about it.  He could have just told you it was bothering him and asked you to take it down.

To answer your question, my DH wouldn't care at all.  I've posted plenty of pics on FB where he's laying on the floor or couch or something and possibly sleeping.  Or it looks like he's sleeping.  The only time I could see him getting upset is when I post something (words) that is embarassing, like when we went to see Carrie Underwood and put it as my FB status.    And that's mostly because his friends made fun of him for it.   But he certainly didn't swear at me about it 

Good luck whatever decision you make. 

inbetweendreams

mrsjeffswife--you have a pm.

.DietDrPepper.

my DH would be mad, but he doesn't read my blog (which i rarely update anymore), simply because he hates pictures.

he is immature about pictures and video and literally stops what he is doing to complain about them.  he rarely smiles in pictures, so the only good photos i have are candids.

NewlywednOhio

My DH would laugh at the pic, and shrug it off. He wouldn't care.

Can't you just crop it down or Photoshop him out of it?

MrsJeffsWife2B

NewlywednOhio:

My DH would laugh at the pic, and shrug it off. He wouldn't care.

Can't you just crop it down or Photoshop him out of it?

I did (later).

oceanlover

I did not read the replies yet, but OMG - I thought you were talking about your KID looking like a slob - I did not even see your H in the picture! LOL

No, my H would not be upset by that at all, he is a very laid back guy....sometimes I wonder if there is anything that would rile him up, it is not always a good thing to be so mellow...

off to read the replies...

stacylu

I read your blog and saw the pictures and thought it was kind of cute - a very typical family situation IMO.

 

DH doesn't care. 

Momma.Brown

imo you H is waaaaay over-reacting.

I could possibly see being annoyed or self?conscious. in which case he should have simply explained to you that he didn't like it and ask you to take it down. seems like he went right for your throat.??

i wont offer an opinion on reconciling with him. Only you can make that choice. But its sad to me that he is so quick to anger and that you have to walk on eggshells. I grew up that way. its not fun.

akiernan

I'm coming into this discussion pretty late in the game, but I can understand your DH not wanting his picture to be on a blog (not just yours in particular). 

However, I do not agree with the way he went about telling you to remove it.

He behaved like a douchebag. 

MrsTotty

Ugh, hon, I'm sorry.  What horrible HORRIBLE comments he made about your marriage in those responses.  I wanted to respond myself and give him a piece of my mind.  I know we don't know each other IRL ... but I read your blog religiously and feel like I know you in some respects ... and I can't stand to see friends treated like that. ((hugs))

I really hope the individual therapy works for him.  This seems like such a trivial thing to get worked up about.  Especially in such a public manner. 

MrsVictoriaB

Probably not because it's not like DH is naked, looks horrible, etc. He only gets mad if its a really bad or embarrassing picture with I dont think yours are at all!

*edit* I just read his comments and that wasn't cool at all. I'd be so hurt amd furious. I'm sorry

futrkingsley

swedish-fish:

My DH would probably be upset, too, but he's very particular about which pictures I put up on the blog.  He wouldn't take it to the same level as your DH, though, especially since you photoshopped him out. 

As a side note, I read your blog post and did notice him sleeping in the background and only thought "hey, I guess they're back together!" and definitely not that he was a slob sleeping in the background.

Sorry he's treating you like this.  It's definitely uncalled for. [hugs]

Ditto this entirely.  My Dh might be upset at how he was portrayed but would never curse at me about it.  But he's just not like that in general (he'd be mad in his head about it but wouldn't say anything).

And I'm sad for you that your DH is treating you this way.  I know you've mentioned that you were talking to someone about your issues.  Does this include your DH getting individual help?  Sounds like he has some anger issues he should work on, especially as it deals with your son.

My brother had serious anger issues and finally sought help and it appears to be making a difference.  His temper isn't as short and he doesn't take it out on his kids as often. 

lhuttlinger

my dh would not. i think it's a cute pic!