How do I get someone to quit making fat jokes?

GracieWK

I work with all middle-aged men. It's fun. I love it. However, they aren't the nicest, most sensitive people.

One of the guys I work with keeps commenting about my weight. I'll joke and say I'm going to kick his @ss and he'll say something like he doubts I could get my leg that high. Yesterday I said I was going to walk next door to the bank to get some change. He said he didn't think I could make it. Jokingly.

I know I'm overweight, but I'm not lazy. I'm not unable to do things. 

How do I tell him to stop? We joke about a lot of things here and I don't want to seem like a whiny little girl. This just isn't something that's funny to me.

Gina418

Well, since you're in a relaxed joking type environment he probably thinks it's ok to say these things. I'm sure he doesn't intend them to be hurtful. You can pull him aside and let him know that the jokes hurt you and I would bet he would stop without issue.

mrse1107

You will probably have to stop the joking mode in regards to this topic. If he thinks you are playing along he's not going to "get" that it really bothers you.

And, in all honesty, you may just have to flat out say "I don't find my weight a funny topic" or something along those lines.

You will not be a whiny girl - he wouldnt' like it if you picked on him about a physical feature he was uncomfortable joking about

kgail11

I'd say that is beyond unacceptable. I'd talk to HR stat.

misjenn

Take him aside and tell him to knock it off. I don't care where you work or with whom it is completely inappropriate. I also don't care if you weigh 100 or 400lbs it is inappropriate to comment about weight in the work place unless you are a consultant for Jenny freaking Craig.

mabst196

Its probably going to be tough since you didn't nip in the bud from the get-go, but you're just going to have tell him to quit it and hopefully he's mature enough to stop and not act like a child about it.

Gina418

I would be careful about going to HR - that could get ugly, especially since you participate in the horsing around (telling someone you are going to "kick their ass" isn't exactly appropriate either).

kelbrian

Just tell him that you don't appreciate the weight comments and that it isn't something that is funny to you at all. If he keeps on, start ignoring him and not responding at all.

violetvirgo

I've also always worked in a relaxed, joking environment and when someone crosses the line I think it's best to just pull them aside and ask them to tone it down. 

secuccaro

misjenn:

Take him aside and tell him to knock it off. I don't care where you work or with whom it is completely inappropriate. I also don't care if you weigh 100 or 400lbs it is inappropriate to comment about weight in the work place unless you are a consultant for Jenny freaking Craig.

Amen.  Make it clear in no uncertain terms that his behavior is not acceptable.  If he doesn't stop, tell him you are going to HR and then do it.

MegGary

I'd tell him that you don't appreciate it & you'd like it to stop.

LilMissLadybug

That isn't funny at all. You need to pull him aside and tell him, if it doesn't stop go to HR.

When I was pregnant with DD I worked in an office of all women, one thought it was funny to repeatedly call me lard asss and say "boom boom" everytime I got up from my desk. I finally had to take it to my boss and HR. 

samfish2bcrab

"That was funny the first thousand times, but now I'm starting to think you mean it and i KNOW you don't want to hurt my feelings"

skoorbnibor

yeah, i think a middle aged man totally cares if he hurts your feelings, since he has shown such sensitivity to it... 

 

I would turn it around. make a fat joke about him, but take it 1 step meaner... just 1. is it classy? No. But going to HS can get ugly and I doubt he cares he is hurting your feelings. I would think he would get it if you put him firmly back in his place...
Good luck, it can wear you down...

skoorbnibor

yeah, i think a middle aged man totally cares if he hurts your feelings, since he has shown such sensitivity to it thus far... 

 

I would turn it around. make a fat joke about him, but take it 1 step meaner... just 1. is it classy? No. But going to HS can get ugly and I doubt he cares he is hurting your feelings. I would think he would get it if you put him firmly back in his place...
Good luck, it can wear you down...

MirandaHobbes

samfish2bcrab:

"That was funny the first thousand times, but now I'm starting to think you mean it and i KNOW you don't want to hurt my feelings"

 This is perfect.

 

thomas&lynn

That's completely harrasing behavior. It's not the intent, it's the impact........and clearly the impact is harmful for you. I'm p!ssed for you that they treat you like this. And I'm honestly concerned that you describe these people as "the nicest, most sensitive people.".

Since it bothers you, it needs to stop quick. It's abusive and rude and discusting. Not nice. Not sensitive. They're arsses.

I'm sorry this is happening.

KGsky

kgail11:

I'd say that is beyond unacceptable. I'd talk to HR stat.

Tough one, because if you want to maintain at least some degree of congeniality, this will definitely ruin it.  I say talk to him first.  Tell him you don't appreciate the fat jokes, and  that it's o.k. to joke about things but some things are off-limits. It may be uncomfortable at first, but I think you can get over that.  Reporting it to HR will insure that you are alienated, ostracized and resented.  However, if addressing it directly doesn't work, then report it to HR, because these jerks clearly don't care about you enough for you to be concerned with being congenial.

GracieWK

Thanks ladies. I'll let him know how I feel. I hope he gets it and stops. We have no HR. There are only about 8 of us that work here, so this is really just between the two of us.

thomas&lynn:

And I'm honestly concerned that you describe these people as "the nicest, most sensitive people.".

I said they aren't the nicest, most sensitive people...

samfish2bcrab

I work with middle aged men.   They start to think of you as "one of the guys" and forget that you're probably sensitive.  Especially if you say things like "I'm going to kick your ass"

samfish2bcrab

in addition, taking it a step further and taking a harder shot at him is not only counter-productive, it's childish and not the way I'd conduct myself if i wanted to improve my workplace environment

Seriously, that is TERRIBLE advice.

Wassygirl

it doesn't sound like he's referencing your weight specifically. are you just sensitive about your weight and taking it the wrong way?

GracieWK

Wassygirl:

it doesn't sound like he's referencing your weight specifically. are you just sensitive about your weight and taking it the wrong way?

To tell me I can't lift my leg or walk across the parking lot is referencing my weight. No he's not calling me a fat cow directly, but it still stings the same.

And yeah, I am sensitive about my weight, as I'm sure a lot of women are.

Wassygirl

GracieWK:

Wassygirl:

it doesn't sound like he's referencing your weight specifically. are you just sensitive about your weight and taking it the wrong way?

To tell me I can't lift my leg or walk across the parking lot is referencing my weight. No he's not calling me a fat cow directly, but it still stings the same.

And yeah, I am sensitive about my weight, as I'm sure a lot of women are.

clearly you are sensitive. i wasn't flaming- just playing devil's advocate.

regardless of his intent, as others are saying, talk to him about how he's making you feel.

GracieWK

Wassygirl:

GracieWK:

Wassygirl:

it doesn't sound like he's referencing your weight specifically. are you just sensitive about your weight and taking it the wrong way?

To tell me I can't lift my leg or walk across the parking lot is referencing my weight. No he's not calling me a fat cow directly, but it still stings the same.

And yeah, I am sensitive about my weight, as I'm sure a lot of women are.

clearly you are sensitive. i wasn't flaming- just playing devil's advocate.

regardless of his intent, as others are saying, talk to him about how he's making you feel.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude either, just to explain why I feel how I do. I didn't mean to sound so defensive.

I should probably just suck it up and "be a man" and deal with it so there's no drama, but it does wear me down.

Mrs Manners

samfish2bcrab:

"That was funny the first thousand times, but now I'm starting to think you mean it and i KNOW you don't want to hurt my feelings"

This exactly.

Wassygirl

i don't think you should suck it up. nobody should have to deal with something that makes them uncomfortable at work.

jenifairies

Punch them in the junk.

No, in all honesty, I've had to deal with this from family members and it sucks. My grandpa in particular says things like "holy sh!t you look pregnant again! you're starting to catch up with your mother." It's pretty horrible. With them, I just ignore. Can't change these old jerk relatives.

But with co-workers, I would talk to one at a time (maybe start with your boss or the ringleader) and tell him that you know it's all in good fun, but that it's starting to affect the way you feel about yourself and it's just not funny to you. I doubt they are trying to hurt your feelings and if you told them that it's not funny to you, they'll probably stop.