Parenting after 35

If you are only having one child

What is your response when people ask you when you are having another one?  We are on the fence, so not sure if our DS will be an only.  However, I am starting to get annoyed that so many people are asking us when we are having another.  If I say, I don't know.  Then they say, "oh you have to have another one - your son needs a brother or sister."

Re: If you are only having one child

  • I just say "nope." I was an only child til I was 30. I am fine with it. :)
  • JenniferTCU- did you miss not having a sibling growing up?

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  • I think at times maybe so but it also made me be more creative and more outgoing. Since I never had it, I didn't know what I was missing if that makes sense. Are you struggling with your decision?
  • We would like to have another. We had trouble conceiving our daughter though so who knows what or when something might happen. So most of the time I don't say anything. This is when I reach for the neutral statements then move on. For example:

    "Oh, you never can tell." 

     "Stranger things have happened!"



    "Hmmm...(with an eyebrow raise and side smile or a wink)"

    "Well, there you have it"

    Or my personal favorite:

     "How 'bout that"

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  • imageJenniferTCU:
    Are you struggling with your decision?

    Are you? 

    I'm an only child too. Like Jennifer I guess you can't miss what you never had...but I always wanted a sibling. 

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  • After Pumpkin I decided I didn't want more children.  I was fine with having just one child, she was all that I needed. However, she was not happy being an only child, or as she used to say a "lonely child".  She used to pray at night for God to give her a brother or sister.  So eight years later, her prayers were answered.  I am deliriously happy with two, but I would have been just as happy with one.

    And to answer your question - I used to tell them straight out, "This is it for us.  We won the child lottery, no need to temp our fate again."  And then change the subject.  I have found that talking about the Braves (I'm in Atlanta) works really well. Wink

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  • I feel a bit guilty for making Aaron an only child (I've heard the "only lonely" bit from a few people) but we can barely afford ONE child and I can't imagine that changing in a few years.

    So when I get the guilt trip (mostly from my MIL and aunt), I just say "Nope. He's it."


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  • We are still on the fence. We really can't afford another and to be honest I don't really want to pg again anytime soon if at all. We really want to adopt for the second one but its sooooo expensive.....
  • DH is an only child and I wish I was an only child and since DS was a surprise we are not planning on having anymore.

    When asked I just say that we love Matt so much we want to focus all of our resources and attention on only him.

  • Yes, I am struggling with my decision.  Some days I am interested in having another one and some days not. 
  • I totally understand. I would just take your time to make the decision. I know it's a hard one to make. We're here if you need to bounce some thoughts and or ideas off of someone.
  • imagepeeper72:

    I'm an only child too. Like Jennifer I guess you can't miss what you never had...but I always wanted a sibling. 

    Ditto - My parents lost my older sister due to her being born a preemie.  I would have loved to have had a sibling ... good times, bad times and everything in between.  But then I think would I be who I am today if I weren't an only child?

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  • DH and I go back and forth about this.  My typical response is "one and done" or, we'll see, if it's in the budget later.

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  • In your shoes, I woudl probably go with something like "We're still deciding."  If they offer an opinion, just smile and nod or say "We'll see" or something like that.

    You could always go the TMI route - "We don't really have the time or energy to have sex after chasing a toddler around."

    So far I just laugh and say "Give us some time!" because DD is only 3 months old.

    DD1 is 3, DD2 is 1.
  • We discussed only having one after DD threw us for a loop. =) Before TTC DS, I would just respond to "When are you having another?" with "When I can handle the one I've got." That seemed to shut people up. I don't think people realize when asking this question that they're talking about AN ENTIRE PERSON that you will be raising.

  • My typical response is just to say no.  The one word answer pretty much ends the conversation.

    With regard to giving your child a sibling:  The problem with that is that you can never be sure what kind of relationship they'll have.  I have a brother and we really didn't get along as children.  As adults we get along just fine, but I'm not close to him.  I love him, but we're just different people.  Honestly, I think if I had been an only child, I'd have had a happier childhood and my adulthood wouldn't be much different. 

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