will you fight/argue in front of your lo?

Rah

according to this book you should. apparently it has its place in their development of handling relationships. It is said that fights can be beneficial for your children to hear so they can then also hear how it is resolved.

I never thought of this and always figured we'd take our arguments behind closed doors but according to this book "nurture shock" it can actually hurt your child.

This author was kind of interesting ? he had several other theories from sleep to their social skills (he was interviewed on NPR today) ? anyone read this book? Thoughts?

 

userdeleted

If minor disagreements come up we won't run into the bedroom in the hopes that our children believe we are 100% like minded in all ways.

Full on fighting? No, we won't do that in front of the kids. 

jen_k2

We have disagreed & debated about some things in front of DD. But there are some types of arguements/subjects that should be held off until the LO's are in bed for the night IMO.

secuccaro

No.  My parents and DH's parents did not fight in front of us and we will not fight in front of our child.  I haven't read that book, but I don't know how seeing your parents argue could be helpful.

Rah

yeah i agree about there being some arguments that are not for children's ears.

 i'm curious about this book though - i'd like to see his data...

GabbysMama

No I will not fight/argue in front of my children EVER!  I don't care what a book says I know from experience that is is NOT good for your child.  It damaged me very badly. 

Do I think that my husband and I will have disagreements and discuss them in front of our children.  Sure. 

kgb1411

I just looked up that book.  A writer and a lawyer do not equal experts on parenting to me. 

NewlywednOhio

We have argued in front of DS, but if the small argument turns into a bigger fight, we fight elsewhere away from him.?

I was raised in an environment where my parents?fought?all the time in front of us kids, and it was really depressing. Wish I never saw any of that.?

Rah

kgb1411:

I just looked up that book.  A writer and a lawyer do not equal experts on parenting to me. 

lol - yeah i don't believe in ANY expert when it comes to parenting. but i am a data person so i'd love to see some longitudinal studies on his claims.

MrsSoapbox

I never saw my parents fight when I was growing up.  When I had my first serious boyfriend in high school, it never occurred to me that we could have a fight and not break up.  I thought fighting=the end.  So, I can buy the argument that it is healthy for children to see their parents disagree and resolve conflict in healthy ways.  I want my kids to learn that even in the best relationships people disagree and "fight" some time but that how you deal with that conflict is what's the most important. 

 

ETA:  I guess this all depends on what you mean by "fighting."  I don't think that anything and everything is appropriate for kids to hear but we haven't had a lot of fights that I would think it was necessary to shield Hadley from, so maybe I'm thinking more of "disagreements." 

WestCoastMommy

We do not yell at each other in front of our LO but when we disagree and get stressed out at each other it's kind of hard to run out of the room. DS notices our facial expression when we are upset and he will stare at use until we notice him and then he laughes. It changes DH and my mood so fast that we can't stay mad for long. I can understand that authors point of view.

Lucky_Dragonfly

I actually read in the Parents magazine that it is good to argue in front of your kids as long as you make up in front of them as well so it teaches them that peopel have different opinions and that you still love each other no matter what. Theya lso said that if you never argue in front of them then the kids can get a skewed persception of life always being "puppies and rainbows". Ehh.. i still hate doing it.

Dobie_Mama

Disagreements?  Sure.  But more heated arguments or one's involving a not child-safe subject matter we'll take to a private area.

RHitch

We will not fight in front of DD.  I have never seen my parents fight, and DH have never seen his parents fight.  It may be considered good for some children?s development, but not my child.

J+O

We won't have disagreements in secret, and if we are upset we usually ask for a time out and discuss the situation later. ?We have had a heated discussions in font of DS, but we also make up sitting next to DS. ?It's important when they're older too and explain why you were disagreeing and how you came up with a solution so they can understand. ?We plan to be very open with our children. ?My parents hid behind a door and I was really confused when they talked in code, and you know what? ?I always found out... it was by my siblings though or someone outside our own family. ?So who do you want explaining to your kids why you were fighting? They're smarter than you think and can always pick up on body language. ?Anyways, we usually fight & argue with humor... so my kids will probably be laughing the whole time not even realizing we're actually upset. ?And I think that's important too, to make sure you don't make things too serious & scary...?

Janimal

I think arguing is ok for her to see.  I think that having her see a normal and healthy relationship in action is good for her.  But of course there are some topics that would be off limits. 

J+O

I'd also like to say if you do the whole crazy fights with screaming & throwing things, cussing etc., then yeah... you probably shouldn't in front of your children.

k8elee03

To be perfectly honest, and I hadn't really realized it, but we've never "fought" in a way she shouldn't see. We argue, we talk it out. Sometimes there's a short period of silent treatment involved, but either way, I think it'd be good for her to see.

My parents never fought in front of us, so their divorce came as a bit of a shock to me, and I don't see how their not fighting in front of us could've helped me.

Now, abusive step-dad's 1, 2, and 3, yeah, that stuff probably shouldn't have been in front of us. But that's a whole 'nother conversation.  

kirbabe

We've never had a big argument in front of DS, nor would we ever.  We have had smaller disagreements in front of him.  My parents have always bugged the hell out of me when they argue in front of us, they always did and still do, but I think it's their style of arguing.  They're loud and while they don't call names, they're NOT kind to each other.  They also get angry if you ask them to not argue in front of you.  ::sigh::

102503Natalie

Yep, little arguments and tiffs that can be easily resolved - of course.  I agree with that book and think it's healthy for children to understand that conflict in a relationship WILL happen and ways you can both work together for a resolution.