Anyone else feel this way ...
I am 33 weeks PG and will be having our first child in November. I am 38 and havng trouble sleeping (not just because of the physical but emotional). I am afraid how much this child will change our lives. I am somewhat organized but know that I will not be able to just pick up and go. DH and I are more homebodies- it is just the freedom and my own identity I am afraid of losing. I was looking for work but while I progressed in my pregnancy and the diminishing economy, I have now to wait until January to start looking again ... so of course the pressure of needing more $$$ and landing a job that pays enough for daycare in this economy is weighing on me. I too was career oriented, have my M.S. but things have not been working out as planned.
I've also posted before and have been trying to deal with the stress of having another child (I will have to act quickly because of my age). Between buying a house a year ago and all of this ... I am stressed. Any advice on how to cope?
Re: Anyone else feel this way ...
First off, congratulations! It's totally normal to feel that way toward the end of your pregnancy. Part of it is hormones, part of it is fatigue, and part of it is the fact that your life is going to change (but in a good way). You're stepping into unknown territory, and that's really hard. My advice is to try to put the worry aside and enjoy these last few weeks of it just being you and your DH. Plan some fun dates, go to the movies, go out to dinner.
Can you line up some help for right after the baby is born? It might make it easier knowing you'll have a little back-up at the beginning.
And try try try to put the thought of when you'll have baby #2 out of your head for now. After your baby is born, you might find that you're perfectly content with one.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
That's a lot to have weighing on your mind! Add in pregnancy hormones, sleep deprivation, and financial stress and it certainly adds up. I don't mean this in a dismissive way but pretty much every single concern I had during pregnancy became so much more in my own mind. LOL at myself!
All I can offer is my own experience: prior to having a child I LOVED having a lot of free time to myself (I still have a high need for alone time). DH and I both felt very attached to our freedom. I am not a general lover of all children and until a couple of years ago held that I didn't want kids of my own. How's that for a starting point?
When we first had Ada it felt incredible - your heart just gets so big! But it was an adjustment so for a few days I felt like I was just in the room with someone else's baby! Now that she is here I simply can't imagine how I lived my life for so long without her. What have I been doing all this time?!?! My only regret about having kids is that we didn't start sooner so I could have known her longer and we could have a dozen more!
Here is the thing: what I/we do from one day to the next and how we do it is different from before. What was unexpected is that I am still doing what I want. Its just that what I want and how I want to spend my time has changed. Make sense?
Like pp wrote: try to enjoy these last few weeks. It really will work out and be OK. It's OK in a couple of months to crave a little time for yourself - it's normal!!
This is an excellent way of putting it.
Wow, you are in the same situation I was when I was laid off in January. I will say that after you accept that you cant look for a job, the stress goes away. Then you can focus on your baby and your health.
I was just talking with DH about the problem about starting a family so late in life. We are so used to being able to pick up and go. Your life will change even more quickly after the LO is born. I always find myself thinking about the things I cannot just do, like massages, facials, gym time, etc.
Just remember, we all are going through this. Its a life change, but for the better. I would rather stay home and be with my baby than at the coolest bar or restaurant.
Now that little G is 8 weeks old, I have put aside the thoughts of another child so soon simply bc I cant do it all. I am 35 and will most likely wait until she is 2 before trying again.
MY DH puts it this way - you are miserable but you are so in love with your baby that you don't realize how miserable you are.
Also - don't worry if you don't bond with your baby right off. I totally didn't bond until Matt was about four weeks old. So I DID know how miserable I was.
Now I can't imagine my life without him.
However, I still make time to be away from Matt. Being away from him just makes me appreciate him more when I see him.
I think you are responding to someone else's post. I am not concerned about bonding with my baby.
One other thing - you mentioned being afraid of losing your identity. I have been obsessed with this question myself. How do normal, educated, interesting, interested, well-informed women totally lose themselves?! They can't talk about anything except their kids (literally). Scares the sh!t out of me still! I think about it a lot. I'm watching myself to see if this happens and willing myself to stop it if it occurs! I am still multi-dimensional dammit!
Still, I'd rather talk about my kid than almost anything else. So I come here and hang out with other moms b/c they get it. I make an effort to be balanced in my life anfd my IRL interactions.
The book "From the Hips" does a great job of exploring this.