interesting...m/c board post

mrsmacias2008

under "Please Stop." What do you think?

Honestly, pregnant or not, I went on that board. That was the first board I ever was on even before here. HUGE support. I would go on with my pg ticker and just give advice because, well I have been through it all, like some of you have also.

preppynewlywed

I think it is slightly unfair.

What if you already have a child, but then experience a loss?  You shouldn't be allowed to go there?

I mean I get what they are saying.  Completely.

However, at the same time there are lots of women who have losses after already having a child.  I don't think you should have to be ashamed [or whatever word], because you had a successful pregnancy at some point.

mrsmacias2008

exactly preppy, exactly.

heather_09_15_07

That's one big clusterfukc.

leslie13510

I can see both sides of the ticker/pic issue.  When I was fresh off my losses the m/c board was kind of like my safe haven.  It was hard to see pregnancy tickers and baby pictures during those first few weeks.  But from the other side of it, I still feel like I can offer advice based on my experiences but I don't even lurk, much less post, on that board because of the hate for all things pg and baby related.  I feel bad that those experiencing a recent loss only get the perspective of others facing a recent loss, and never get to hear the success stories from those of us who have ended up carrying a baby (or 2) successfully.  It's such a dark gloomy place to be right after a m/c, and any ray of hope would be nice, but many women in that place aren't ready for that yet.  I don't think there's really a fair solution to anybody.

I don't get the issue with women coming to ask if they might be m/c'ing.  If you think you're m/c'ing why wouldn't you ask those who have been there?  When I was on that board I don't remember anyone having a problem with those posts, and most of us were more than happy to answer with our experiences.  The sad thing was that most of the women who originally posted those questions did end up m/c'ing and became permanent members of that board.  It would have been horrible to alienate them and them not have anywhere to turn.

Mysterious_wife

That is one of many reasons I hate the loss boards.  Your siggy has to be 9 ft long to post there and you cannot have a child to post there.

preppynewlywed

Mysterious_wife:

That is one of many reasons I hate the loss boards.  Your siggy has to be 9 ft long to post there and you cannot have a child to post there.

It is almost the same reason I stay off of the infertility/TTTC boards.

I haven't been trying for a year, and I know that tends to be an unspoken minimum.  I got heat once before for something I wrote, because I had only been trying for 6 months...despite all of the medical complications in that time.

I just stick with BOTB, because we have a good mix of it all here...which is what I need.

hopeful:)

I would never ask a room full of strangers whether I am pg. And I would SERIOUSLY never ask a room full of strangers who have gone through the horrible experience of a loss and ask them if I am having a m/c.

Honestly, there should be a minimum IQ requirement in order to post.

heather_09_15_07

Well hocus I partly get what you're saying. At least the first paragraph. But I'm sorry that my 3 losses don't equip me to answer any questions about blighted ovum, missed m/c, d&c or any RPL testing or diagnosis questions people may have. I'll just let them fumble in the dark.

ValentineBB

I'm hesitant to jump in here b/c I have never been through this.  That said, I think that people on both sides could benefit from some common sense & sensitivity.  If you are posting on that board, have the common sense to know your audience and try to frame questions/posts/responses in a way that is respectful of the gloomy tenor there.  If you have experienced a loss, try to understand that not every baby picture or ticker is a personal affront.  JMO.

mrsmacias2008

I don't post there because often because it's just too hard now. However, when the time does come when I have a new baby ticker and then my babys pic in the siggy, I will go on there from time to time if I want. Ask me any question you want or if you need a hug I will give it. That's what i got in the past.

leslie13510

On the "am I m/c'ing" post thing...

I can see getting upset if someone comes on and post something to the effect of, "I had 2 brown spots when I peed this morning, am I having a m/c?"  Get annoyed/pissed/angry about those if you feel the need to. 

But I've also seen people get absolutely torn apart for posting things like, "I started bleeding this morning.  I'm passing huge clots now.  I've tried calling my doctor but they haven't called back yet.  Is there any hope for me?"  IMO, to tear apart someone in that situation, who is terrified that she's losing her baby, and because she's probably not thinking clearly at the moment turns to the board who is most likely to have experienced the same thing, is far more cruel than any hurt feelings she has unknowingly caused. 

giaM28

IMO every board has its dumb posters. its what you get for giving the public internet access. Common sense not needed.

On the MM board on the Nest they get constant- i have a $4k mortgage, $500 car bill, $20k in cc debt etc and i only make 5k a month...how do i make more money. or the dumbest IRS/Tax questions known to man

Here we get 'like oh my gosh you guys! i wanna a baaaaaaaby so bad! lik ehow do it deal? how do i get my H to want a baaaaaaby?"

The baby name boards get the " is iwannahackalugie a good name?"

it comes with the territory. deal with it. that is why i have never posted on the loss board. they can really play the pity card and god forbid someone has a child or can get pg. I honestly could have used that kind of support when i had my loss. i went there, read a few posts and i came back to BOTB because of the whole "my loss is worse than your loss" mentality.