Need advice - jealous grandparent (LONG)

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My mother watches DS when I'm at school or packing (we are moving tomorrow). MIL works so she watches DS when DH and I go out or when she has time. She never makes an extra effort to see him. She will stop over for a 20 minute photo shoot every now and then - I think to make it seem like she is a doting grandmother. Seriously, the whole 20 minutes is just picture taking of her with DS. Within the next few hours she has them posted on Facebook with "my little grandbaby boy". I feel like screaming - you don't know his favorite foods, you don't know what makes him happy, you don't know what upsets him!

The last time we had her watch DS he fell in the bathtub when she WALKED AWAY. We haven't been out since then and she hasn't asked to do anything with him one on one since (nor has she ever).

We had two seperate "parties" for DS. One with my immediate family and one with DH's immediate and extended family. We are packing and didn't want a lot of people in our house at once because there are boxes all over the place. Half of my immediate family came over Saturday afternoon and we went to DHs parents Sunday.

MIL posted pictures on Facebook of the Sunday party and I posted pictures of Saturday party. I didn't bother to bring my camera to their house because I knew she would take a million pictures.

So after I post the pictures she throws an e-fit with passive aggressive status messages. When her friends ask her what is wrong she says "Same as always. I'll tell you tomorrow." Please keep in mind she knew this is how his birthday was going to be. She does this everytime something doesn't go her way with DS. Did the same thing after we expressed our concern about DS being left alone in the bathtub.

This person that she is "telling on me" to is somebody we both are close to. Said person has grew distant from me and now I know why. I can only imagine what she is telling people.

What do I do?!

 

CFO

Honestly, I would talk to her.  Clear the air.  Let her know that yes there have been a few times when you didn't agree on things about DS, but that she's your MIL and your DSs GP.  But that you don't appreciate gossip or negative discussions regarding you, your DS, your family or any other part of your life and you'd appreciate it if she'd keep things to herself.  Could backfire, but at least you'd have been the grown up in the situation.

secuccaro

I would de-friend her on FB.  This friending of ILs seems to be causing a lot of problems for a lot of Nesties.

laur1120

And this is why grandparents shouldn't be allowed on FB

Honestly I agree with PP.  Call her out on it!

ms_mellor

What does your DH say??  I'd have him talk to her about it (if he will...my DH would chicken out), or talk to her yourself, just know that that's probably the kind of person she is...I don't know that she can or will change.  I'd also de-friend her on FB.  Sure she may still be making the comments, but at least you won't know....and if this mutual friend is going to distance themselves because of what MIL says, that's their loss, not yours....that's very highschool of them.

My MIL isn't that bad (she's not on FB, and has very few friends), but they also make very little effort with DD, when they do visit they never interact, and have put her in multiple VERY dangerous situations (DD has a life threatening allergy).  They cause us tons of stress...not fun at all!!!  GL!

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ms_mellor:

What does your DH say??  I'd have him talk to her about it (if he will...my DH would chicken out), or talk to her yourself, just know that that's probably the kind of person she is...I don't know that she can or will change.  I'd also de-friend her on FB.  Sure she may still be making the comments, but at least you won't know....and if this mutual friend is going to distance themselves because of what MIL says, that's their loss, not yours....that's very highschool of them.

My MIL isn't that bad (she's not on FB, and has very few friends), but they also make very little effort with DD, when they do visit they never interact, and have put her in multiple VERY dangerous situations (DD has a life threatening allergy).  They cause us tons of stress...not fun at all!!!  GL!

DH also chickens out. Tells me not to worry about it.

MIL does the same thing with my DS (dangerous situations). He has an intolerance with oat and juice. Both cause major stomach issues. MIL is very persistent with the juice issue and always asks if he can have any. DS has had stomach issues the last few weeks and I'm wondering if she gave him some.

samfish2bcrab

Passive agressive people fear confrontation enough not to repeat behaviour if they are called on it.

Keep in mind, though, you cannot control her feelings.  She is who she is.