N(really)TR: Did you and DH discuss ____ before marriage?

djandkellen

1) Finances

2) Kids

   a) timing

   b) how many

   c) parenting style

3) Life Goals

I think all those things are important and we discussed them.  Just curious as a lot of people realize they have different desires after marriage, which can be difficult.  I know people's desires/wishes/goals can change, but they're usually not a 180 change.   

Amrice78

1. yes

2. yes - but we also agreed to be open about this discussion.  We together wanted at least one, probably two.  He knew I wanted more, I knew he'd be happy with one.  We went in with our eyes open.  Now that we are in the situation to decide on #3 we are discussing again.  

 3. Yes

Judah'sMommy

Yes to all 3.  We also dated 6 years before getting married.  I knew exactly who I was marrying and so did he.

Mrs.tlcS

yes.  We went into the nitty gritty about a lot of those things.  Even had some counseling over some of them. 
We're still not 100% agreed on all the topics, but we've come to compromises on everything.

djandkellen

Amrice78:

2. yes - but we also agreed to be open about this discussion.  We together wanted at least one, probably two.  He knew I wanted more, I knew he'd be happy with one.  We went in with our eyes open.  Now that we are in the situation to decide on #3 we are discussing again.  

I agree with the discussion being open after each child to reassess where we are with our "plan."  We both want several children, but will reassess after each to make sure that's what we want (and can afford).   

tarebear9891

1) Finances- yes to an extent. After we were married I decided to go back to school so we discussed that at that time.

2) Kids

   a) timing- Luke was a surprise baby so timing kind of went out the window.

   b) how many- Yes we both knew that we wanted a big family.

   c) parenting style- We share a lot of the same values so our parenting styles are very similar. But yes we did discuss some things we felt strongly for.

3) Life Goals- Yes our life goal was to be together and raise a family. Everything else was just details.

TMs1stBaby

1) Finances - a little, we originally planned to kept our finances  seperate, but moved everything together after we had Joey.

2) Kids

   a) timing - We knew we wanted to start right away and have them close together

   b) how many - we said 3-4  - were stopping at 3

   c) parenting style - No, not really.  We are learning as we go here.  Both of us have a unique style and I think our kids will benefit from both.

3) Life Goals - This is a work in progress.  We try to focus on long term goals but we are both dreamers and so we don't always set realistic expectations.  So, yes we talk and dream, but we don't have very solid plans

 

Spin313

Yes to all except parenting style.  I think you don't really know how you are going to parent until your child is a reality.  The only thing we said was if we disagreed we would discuss it in private and not argue in front of our kid(s).

LaLaSweets

Judah'sMommy:

Yes to all 3.  We also dated 6 years before getting married.  I knew exactly who I was marrying and so did he.

same here except we were together for 8 years

MrsTotty

djandkellen:

1) Finances

2) Kids

   a) timing

   b) how many

   c) parenting style

3) Life Goals

Yes to all of the above.  We dated for 4 years and lived together for 2 of those, so we pretty much talked about everything. 

ladeebri

Yes we discussed all of those things.  We have been together for 7 years and married for 2.  I will say though that he didnt have a whole lot of concrete opinions about science, politics etc. when we first started dating and I was the type to already have an opinion.  Well as we've gotten older our opinions have polarized on those subjects so we frankly really try to avoid bringing it up lately.

jenifairies

Yes to all. However, not everyone has a hard line set in stone plan for all of these things, and people change, too.

Janimal

We discussed it all.  And continue to. 

And for me, once I was in my 30s, some of this stuff was a 2nd date conversation.  I wouldn't have continued dating someone who never wanted kids.

CrazeyJaneyR

1) Finances : not really. we both knew how much each other made by then, but that was about it.2) Kids?? a) timing - yes ,but it didn't work out as planned.?? b) how many - yes, and we may still be able to pull it of fnow that I'm having 2 at a time!?? c) parenting style- no3) Life Goals - sort of - we knew we both wanted me to be a SAHM, and planned around that.