Feeling Disconnected — The Bump
Pregnant after 35

Feeling Disconnected

ok now I know that perhapse this is slightly hormonal but I just feel like I am so disconnected now from my friends.  They don't know I am pregnant but I have turned down a few invites for bar hoping events and they are noticing that I am not drinking when we go out to dinner and I go home early or am just really tierd.  The bulk of our friends are marrie dbut only 1 or 2 have kids and although they all plan on having them eventually I am the oldest and I am already getting the vibe that they are cutting me out and I am sure that once they know I am prego I will hear from them even less. A bunch of us were going to go to Japan for chirstmas for snoboarding and sake, we cancled for obvious reason and I know they would be annoyed if we went since the purposly left out some friends who just had a kid.

I am also aware that then they probably aren't real friends but just "party" friends but when I look around all my real friends don't live anywhere near me (we are a military family) I'm just feeling alone and fearful that when things get rough I wont have anyone except DH to lean on and in all honesty there are some things you can only vent to your girlfriends.

 anyway anyone else feeling this or am I insane and it's all in my head

Re: Feeling Disconnected

  • I feel you....

    With me it started when I started dating DH.  I had started hanging out with one particular friend and her partner (gay couple) after a relationship of mine ended badly.  We went out several times a week with some other friends, would hang out at a local cigar bar, etc.  It was the best - and we had a really great friendship.  They introduced me to DH and it was a whirlwind relationship - we became engaged 3 months after we started dating and married a year later.  I noticed after we became engaged that we weren't hanging out as much - to be expected since I was dating someone.  But I noticed after we became engaged the phone calls and invites out became less frequent....conversations were not as "easy" as they had once been.  It really, really bothered me at first - I tried inviting them out, etc.  I confided in another mutual friend about my concerns.  It wasn't that they didn't like DH - they loved him.  I finally realized that I was no longer the "single girl" with no  obligations to anyone but myself....and I've seen them only once since I became pregnant (and they live 1/4 mile away).  I realize now that friendships change like that....I have changed, my priorities have changed - just like I'm different from the person I was ten years ago.  Hopefully you can connect with someone who is at the same or similar stage in their life as you are.

    Wow...sorry I went on and on....I guess this hit close to home for me!  Good luck to you - and you'll always have us girls here!

    Carla 

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  • I felt the same way before we told people.  Some people like having a secret.  I thought it sucked.  I felt really isolated and lonely. I was thrilled when I finished 1st tri so we could tell. It has gotten much better BTW.
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  • i think when you do tell, you'll feel better about the situation.  w/ my 1st pg, i didn't tell friends until 13 wks and it was hard.  they could sense my distance and then when they found it, it was like OH!  anyway, you probably won't be invited out for drinks like you were, BUT there's always still dinner or lunch or movies.  i strongly advise you to attempt to do the inviting if you're feeling a bit left out.  keep communicating w/ them.  some may enjoy the baby talk, some might not.  good luck and i truly believe when it's time to tell, you'll feel better about everything.
  • thanks guys i don't know what was going on with me.  I had just come back from a weekend camping trip and like you said felt disconnected and it might be from the secret thing, I am more of an open book.   And I totally relate to different friendships during different phases of your life.  I decided to throw a pumpkin carving party and honestly the RSVP yes list is growing and it's making me feel better.  I just CAN NOT wait till thanksgiving when we start to tell everyone.
  • I'm glad you're starting to feel better!
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