what to do with negativity from family?

ginkgo_b

Hi Everyone!

I've been lurking here for a while and finally ready to join in.  My husband and I are committed to adoption rather than to conceiving a bio. child -- primarily for environmental/population growth reasons.  I know that sounds crazy to some people, but if you look at population trends over the last 100 years or so it can be very sobering.  Anyway, I have been telling my mother and sister for years that we intend to adopt some day, and this is always greeted with something like, "you shouldn't deprive yourself of the miracle of childbirth."  This is really hurtful to me, because in a perfect world I would love to experience that miracle, but we have other priorities.

I am pretty sure that once a baby is in our lives, all of this nonsense will stop.  I am unsure of how to handle it in a homestudy, though.  I guess I can't lie about it.  Has anyone else dealt with negative comments like this from parents and siblings?  What did you tell your social worker?  Did it hurt you in your homestudy?

 

Thanks!

 

Jessie*J

Our family members have mood swings about the whole situation all the time. My mom especially. Sometimes she calls me to tell me we should stop the adoption and stop being impatient and one day we'll get pregnant ... but medically speaking that's difficult. Then there are other days when she's fine with it .... and on top of it all we're dealing with a LOT of negativity on the race issue (b/c we've chosen to take any in).

We explained in our HS that I have an adopted cousin that is still a blood relative so my family gets adoption but we also explained how they change their feelings all the time. Our agency said all of that is normal and once a child is placed with us it will change.

I have my doubts though --- my mom is REALLY stubborn!

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I think you may be more susceptible to negative comments because you have no history of infertilty, so your family has not grieved the loss of a biological child along with you.  (Not that that makes the negative comments right.)

We haven't experienced any real negativity, so I definitely feel for you.

ginkgo_b

Thanks for your insights, ladies.  Fredalina, I think you're exactly right -- they're waiting for us to snap out of a "phase."  I think things really will change once the baby is here, but it stinks that I can't really talk to them about it in the meantime without them being crappy.  On a lighter note, did anyone catch the premiere of the new show "Modern Family" on wednesday night?  Two gay men adopt a baby from Vietnam without telling the family, and are about to surprise the family by bringing out the baby when the family starts talking about how it would be a terrible thing to bring up a baby without a mom.  Then they bring this adorable baby into the room and everyone melts.  It looks like a pretty funny show!