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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
long rant on DH
I am with DS all day, I am a SAHM and do grad classes online fitting in time to do school work when I can. DH is off to work at 6am and gets home about 5pm, just in time for DS fussy nightly routine. I EBF and am up the two times he wakes to feed him during the night. I am responsible for him pretty much all day and night and I love being so much apart of his life but I am resenting my husband when he tries to tell me "liam is this, or he does that" "you are wrong", etc. How dare he try to tell me how our son is when I am with him 24/7, he only gets a small window out of his life and it's jaded because of the particular time he is with DS. He claims DS is spoiled and hates him because he cries so much with him. He claims to know so much and tells me I am assuming when in fact he assumes and I do know more because i've done research, learned a lot from all of you, talked to other women and learned from expereince as he HAS NOT!
I just want to say FU, just support me and trust what I am saying and don't bag up one bad night to thinking every night is horrible. I have created a good schedule and it is NORMAL for a breast fed baby to wake up two times at night to eat. DS goes right back to sleep, if he only knew how worse it could be. I am so frustrated and feel like I have to defend my son to my husband and then support myself on this sometimes-tough journey of being a new mommy. I just wish he would respect that I know what I am talking about and not jump to conclusions so much. Oh and hell no I won't be giving you any nooky, I am tired and will be up in three hours to feed your son and yes that is spit up on my shirt- have you ever had spit up on you? No, that's right you haven't because you are lucky enough to have me do all THE FLIPPIN WORK!
Thanks for letting me spill my beans, I feel better.
I just want to say FU, just support me and trust what I am saying and don't bag up one bad night to thinking every night is horrible. I have created a good schedule and it is NORMAL for a breast fed baby to wake up two times at night to eat. DS goes right back to sleep, if he only knew how worse it could be. I am so frustrated and feel like I have to defend my son to my husband and then support myself on this sometimes-tough journey of being a new mommy. I just wish he would respect that I know what I am talking about and not jump to conclusions so much. Oh and hell no I won't be giving you any nooky, I am tired and will be up in three hours to feed your son and yes that is spit up on my shirt- have you ever had spit up on you? No, that's right you haven't because you are lucky enough to have me do all THE FLIPPIN WORK!
Thanks for letting me spill my beans, I feel better.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: long rant on DH
He actually says "I think DS is spoiled and I hate him"????
If so, I would leave him. That may not be the popular response, but that is not a good father, and I wouldn't want someone who hates my son to be ANYWHERE around him ever!
No, no- lol... he thinks DS hates him. He loves DS, just gets frustrated thinking nothing he does helps.
I think she meant that her son doesn't like DH (well thats what DH thinks). My husband went through that! DD would cry when he held her. He was gone so much that she wasn't comfortable at first and he felt like she didn't like him. That passed.?
?
On another note, thank you for posting this. I'm sorry you are going through this but I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only other Mom out there with these feelings. I often feel like a single mom. DH works a lot! It's getting better and letting DH know how you feel may help. ?
I think, after reading the sentence in the OP a few times that DH thinks that DS hates him. I'm so sorry that this is going on. I have no advice but to stand your ground and pump so DH can help during the night--it has helped more than I ever thought it could!
Exactly! I should feel privileged that he watches DS when I do school work or go grocery shopping?! I tell him his tension and frustration can be sensed through him to DS and he looks at me like I am coo-coo.
I might revolt tomorrow and get a pede/mani and have him watch DS for a whole 2 hours.
I think she meant that her DH thinks the baby hates him...my DH has said that ridiculous thing before. Boy, did we have a talk after that! They are just spoiled little boy daddy's.
Sorry you are going through this, they just don't get it. Pump for him and go out and have a little fun! Then he can figure out just how hard it really is.
Oh, Okay, that changes everything
Oh my goodness, my DH thought he new best at first. He actually tried to tell me how to nurse DS! That was the last straw, I put DS to bed and had a very serious "talk". He's got a better clue about it since then. Hasn't even thought about it after that.
It gets easier, it really does, and not all men, but definitely most don't understand how much we do! We aren't working and they are, there for you have it easy. Nope, not true. Unfortunately, he probably won't figure out just how much work it is until you go back to work (if you do). DH picks DS up and is alone with him for ONLY 2 hours and by the time I get home, he all but tosses DS at me and says "I've had him for the past 6 hours, it's your turn!"
Amen ladies. Thank you all for making me feel better about this. It sucks for us all but it is nice to hear that others are going through this too. He can be so damn stubborn sometimes. Is it wrong that I think tonight I should wake him up every time I feed DS, that way he can check out the clock and KNOW what time he actually gets up and see a kind of pattern finally to realize I don't make things up?! lol
Good night to all of you amazing women, mommies are stronger and more patient than I ever knew possible. Makes me want to buy my mom a gift for my birthday.
I have thought about this very thing soooooo many times, LOL!
First- your DS is SO ridiculously cute, I can't believe he has a fussy time.
Secondly- Luckily my DH "abide" my word. He trusts my parenting and my rules go. I bet your DH trusts yours, too. So I might approach it as "It SOUNDS like you're saying to me that you don't trust...even though... and that makes me..."
Thirdly- I bet you my DD's lovey that in a year you fall impossibly head over heels for him again b/c of how awesome a dad he is. My DH doesn't do infant diapers. He does our toddler's only in the event of an emergency, but typically tells her to go ask mommy for a clean dipe....He has never gotten up at night He says he loves his children but hates the newborn phase. He isn't bad with them... he will hold one if he must, but would rather not. I had total rage against him with my first. But then when my DD was about 4 months old, he came home from work one day she smiled at him and he was hooked. And now that she's durable? He makes up excuses to run errands and take her with him on the weekends. He is 100% hers when he's home and it's good. I know that doesn't help now, but I think some guys are just not equipped to deal with the newborn stage...
DH is the same