WWYD? Pregnant w/#4...

HawaiiBrideGrm

So, good friend of mine is 37 y.o. and found out last night she is pregnant with #4. She is shocked/happy about it. DH makes good money, she stays home with them. DH works out of town 3-4 days a week (international) so he's hardly ever home. She has her hands full already with 3 little ones (6, 4, 2), but she's excited nonetheless. When preg w/#3, DH almost left her b/c he's older by 15 years and has 2 kids from prior marriage, so he's like over the whole kid thing b/c they're expensive. By the way, they live a lavish lifestyle and CAN afford it. Ugh. Anyhow, she is afraid to tell him. She's afraid that he'll flip-out again on her. He's a good husband otherwise, just unexpectedly flipped on her when she told him she was preg with #3.

2 wks ago he had a dream she was preg w/#4. He woke her up at 2am and was like, I just had the worst dream. She told him, "Hold on. There IS a chance I could be since YOU won't get a vasectomy or use condoms. Duh." He was silent.

Should she...

[Poll]

brittneycc1982

I was going to say in person, just because I think it's more respectful... BUT I said phone because if there's a chance he is going to freak out, it's best that the kids don't see it.

brittneycc1982

AND maybe on his way home he will go get a little snippity snip!!

RubyEggi

I would definitely tell him in person but I don't understand how HE can flip out on HER if he won't get a vasectomy or use condoms??? If anything she should be flipping out on him!

teakum

I kinda understand this. Lee and I have a great relationship but when I became pregnant he was a little freaked out. He even wanted me to consider abortion. AFter I told him he was crazy and gave him a few days to THINK about the whole thing he really came around. But we were in a total different situation. Young, and very little money. BUT now he is fine and we cant wait to TTC #2.

howleyshell

I had a shocker BFP with #3.

We also have a 14 yr old from his previous marriage that's with us 50% of the time.

DH was clear he wanted no more kids but refused a snip.

I told him in person after the kids were in bed.

He handled it much better than I expected him to once the initial shock wore off.

And his words:  "I must have not wanted to not have another one bad enough or I would have taken care of it like you suggested."

He knows it takes 2 to tango.  So does her DH.  Somewhere deep inside he's not that surprised by this - he even dreamed about it.

He'll be OK  

kaydee_2008

He needs to be reminded she didnt get herself pregnant if he flips out.

bridesrighthand

IMO, that type of news should NEVER be shared online or on phone.  I think it's very disrespectful.  If he loses it, he's an ass.  She can deal with that if it happens, but I just htink it's better done in person.  Good luck to her!

bridesrighthand

cmeon_the_water:

Definitely in person- but, she needs to have the kids out of the house (or have someone watch them- so they can go somewhere to talk)- and to keep her cool. She can't be responsible for how he reacts, but, she IS responsible for acting her age- and not letting his reaction get to her so much that she freaks out back.

AMEN!

FaeryStarGazer

RubyEggi:

I would definitely tell him in person but I don't understand how HE can flip out on HER if he won't get a vasectomy or use condoms??? If anything she should be flipping out on him!

 

This. What afuckingjerk. She can't help ovulating, but he can certainly leash his little fella before taking him to the park.

momofolivia

there are so many red flags with this relationship.  seriously this feels like a very unstable relationship. 

If she is considering relaying that she is pg through a text message because she is afraid of his reaction, then you, as her friend, might want to dig a little deeper into what else might be causing him to "freak out".  kwim?

Dani123

momofolivia:

there are so many red flags with this relationship.  seriously this feels like a very unstable relationship. 

If she is considering relaying that she is pg through a text message because she is afraid of his reaction, then you, as her friend, might want to dig a little deeper into what else might be causing him to "freak out".  kwim?

100 times THIS!!

HawaiiBrideGrm

Dani123:

momofolivia:

there are so many red flags with this relationship.  seriously this feels like a very unstable relationship. 

If she is considering relaying that she is pg through a text message because she is afraid of his reaction, then you, as her friend, might want to dig a little deeper into what else might be causing him to "freak out".  kwim?

100 times THIS!!

Oh, ladies, you're preachin' to the choir! What I meant was I *think* this guy means well, but he's so over being a Dad. Sad, yes. IMHO, he should have never become one. He is hardly ever around. She is basically a single Mom who lives quite a nice lifestyle thanks to his earnings. Neither of them are very happy, although they act that way, and baby #4 will make this relationship much worse, for sure. She's mentioned counseling, he won't go. I really feel for her. Of course I would have never married this guy... he's very selfish. It's just so sad for everyone involved. She's a sweetheart. Oh well, I'll keep praying for that family...