Advice please

bklynjuli

Hi everyone. I am here seeking some advise. My DS is going to be 28 months next week. For quite a while I've been thinking we should get his speech evaluated. He says a few words, probably no more than 20. Most of the time when he wants something, he points to it and says"this!". Much of the time he blabbers incomprehesible stuff no one understands. He does follow direction extremely well.

If it were only me parenting I would have had him evaluated already. When I bring the subject up with my DH he gets extremely defensive and says he doesn't think there's anything wrong with DS and says boys are lazier and he has developed and met physical milestones on time or earlier and he has concentrated on physical skills not language skills.

 This is our first child and there may very well be nothing at all wrong but I would rather be on the safe side and consult an expert. I would feel incredibly guilty if we let this go to find out later that we could have helped him earlier. So, my question is, how do I get DH to see my point? Has anyone experienced this?

 TIA

duchess0727

What did your ped say about it at your son's two year appointment?  Maybe if your husband heard it from a doctor, he would be more willing to consider evaluation.  Also, when I called EI to get my daughter evaluated for PT, they noted that they need information from the doctor to justify the evaluation, so you may need your ped to recommend this anyways.

bklynjuli

Thank you for your advice. I too think that it would help to hear it from the doctor. This is how the last ped appointment went (dh took ds to the ped because i work full time during the day): ds is terrified of the doctor so he screams the entire time we're there (it's not just this doctor, we've switched and the whole doctors office environment gets him all worked up), so the doctor asks DH how many words DS says, DH responds that he says about 20, puts some words together, etc. Then my son screams "I want to go!" so I guess the pediatrician thinks he's fine.

 I just spoke with DH on the phone, he wants to talk to the daycare director and see what she thinks and also wants to talk to the pediatrician again at the next appointment and see if we can give him until December/January to make some progress.

 Also, in NY parents can self refer for EI evaluation.

suzymarie

I would just tell your DH that if he is right, then no harm done, but it will soothe your mind.

Really, if there is no problem, what does it matter if he had a 1-hr. evaluation that will seem like playtime with a fun new adult to your DS?

FWIW, I agree with you that it would probably be good to get evaluated.  My DS is getting evaluated (again) next week.  I think it will be a great thing if he needs more therapy- it is free (through the Early intervention birth to 2 program) therapy in our home that will help DS be the best he can be!

duchess0727

Sounds like your husband is being at least reasonable about it.  Definitely check with daycare provider - they definitely will have an idea of whether your son is delayed.  One thing you can remind your husband is that there is nothing bad that can come out of being evaluated - the best case scenario is he doesn't need therapy and the worst case scenario is he gets a little bit of help which can go a long way at this age. 

bklynjuli

Thanks to both of you ladies. Also, suzymarie I noticed that we share an EDD - best of luck to you.

breezy0629

There are a couple of things I want your husband to know:

#1. You understand where he is coming from.... BUT.....  

#2. Early Intervention is free or low cost. If your child turns 3 before your DH is on board to get an evaluation AND you are still concerned at that point, you will be paying a professional. I can't quote a $$ for you, but it's NOT free!!

#3. The evaluation is play based and your child will never know they are being evaluated. We had 3 ladies at our house, all playing different games - while another took notes. They kept it very fast paced to keep DS interested during the process. CERTAINLY it wasn't my favorite day.... but it wasn't bad.

#4. If your child DOES need some sort of therapy, EI only lasts until a child is 36 months. Then it's over. There is at least some time now for you to have free/low cost services for your child if needed. Unless DS really isn't in any 'red flag zones' of development & your concerns have no reasoning...... there is nothing to lose by calling them. Truly you two know your son best... but there are professionals that can hear what YOU are seeing and put the pieces together. 

#4. Of all the ladies on this board, personal friends, and anyone else I've met with a child who DID need any sort of intervention, therapy, etc.... I really cannot come up with ONE that told me their Pediatrician led them towards a diagnosis, services, or even EI. I hear 'wait and see' all the time. The truth is that Pediatricians went to school for MEDICINE... and very little for development (beyond medical needs). 

#5. Mom's and Dad's are going to respond to concerns differently. It won't mean that he is any less or more concerned. But, it could help YOU have peace of mind. Tell me, how many minutes, hours, days of what should be PLAYTIME do you spend thinking and wondering why he's doing or not doing certain things?? FREE would be worth some closure & peace of mind if he's developing appropriately.

And, last ---- maybe show him if you see any 'red flags' on this list. I think it is quite accurate (remembering that these are things MOST kids accomplish without any help by these ages. Now, if he's not doing the 'most kids should' stuff... I wouldn't be as concerned)

 https://www.earlyinterventionsupport.com/development/speech/12-24months.aspx