WWYD? Godmother question...

rapst1

DH and I are not very religious at all.  However, we do plan to baptize the baby.  For a Godmother, we have always said for our first it would most likely be my SIL.  I am totally fine with that, and for the Godfather it was either going to be my SIL's husband or my brother.  I think I have been leaning more towards my brother.  Anyways, I just found out over the weekend my SIL does not believe in God.  Now, I knew she didn't go to church or even speak about religion much, but I didn't know she doesn't believe in God.  When DH and I first started dating, her kids used to go to CCD, she even taught it, but she had some falling out with the church and stopped.  Now, I mentioned this to DH this morning and he said that she is not an athiest (sp?) and does believe in something, but she has more of a scientific belief or something.  I don't know, anyways, I don't know if it would be appropriate now to have her be the Godmother.  I mean, I would think your belief in God is kind of a qualification.  However, I don't want offend her by not asking her, and really there is no one else I would want to ask. 

I know it is still pretty early to be worrying about this, but I was just hoping you can offer some advice.  Would you still ask her to be Godmother?

TIA!

mrsthedixon

You said yourself that there's nobody else you want to ask - and you also said that you're not very religious. So - I don't really see the problem here. If she's not ranting and raving about how she doesn't believe in God and she doesn't insult you or your beliefs, then I really don't see the issue.

I would ask her.

Lurksgirl

It's a hard position to be in right now. If it is just a matter of your SIL being left with a sour taste in her mouth because of a bad experience with her church, then I would still ask her.  The worst she could say was no. It is very important that your LO's Godparents share in your religious beliefs as these are the people that are supposed to see to your child's spiritual well being in the event that you fail your child.  I think that a lot of people forget that part when choosing Godparents.

Good Luck. 

 

FullersGirl

I don't do the whole Godmother, Godfather thing, as I am not Catholic (or other religions that do that.)  But, I do see a belief in God as kind of a qualification for being a God-parent.  I think the original thought for God-parenthood had something to do with being another spiritual leader for your child.  Can't be a spiritual leader in the same religion of the God-parent doesn't believe in God!

On the other hand, if you just want to be sure that your child has someone extra to love them, and perhaps care for them if you're not able to, pick your SIL if she's qualified for that, which I'm sure she is!  I'd say it's up to you.

Jennifer Hassan

well the way I view a God parent is that should hold very similiar moral, political and religious views as you...Forbid something should happen to you then they are the compass for such things for your child regardless of if they are who your children end up raised by...A god parent should enstill the values you and your husband would have....

The week we told everyone about our baby we had 9 or 10 people ask us if they could be God parents...I told them it was a decision we would make when the came but I shocked that people would one ask...two so early to ask....

elidav2007

This is a tough one because everyone has a different opionion when it comes to religion and really what a Godparents role is.  We are personally a religious family and I want both my daughter and our new baby to be raised in that type of environment however we are planning on asking my SIL and her husband to be our child's Godparents and they are not particularly religious people.  They do beleive in God but do not go to church on a regular basis.  I am okay with that because the foundation is there and they are wonderful people. It really just comes down to what you are comfortable with. 

errie108

Must churches require that the godparents be active members...if she doesn't believe in God dose she even belong to a church?  that could be the deciding factor right there.  

Personally I would find someone else, someone who has the same religious beliefs as DH and I and could help guide my child  

 

mrsthedixon

errie108:

Must churches require that the godparents be active members...if she doesn't believe in God dose she even belong to a church?  that could be the deciding factor right there.  

Personally I would find someone else, someone who has the same religious beliefs as DH and I and could help guide my child  

 

OP said that her and DH are "not very religious at all". I might just be assuming - but "not very religious at all" doesn't sound like someone who belongs to a church and requires a religious person to help guide their LO.

NELCORP

IMHO, I think that a choice of God Parent should be someone that shares the same religious belief, morals, and politics as you. A God-Parent is set as the person who would take your place should anything ever happen to you. Therefore their overall belief and look on life should be very similar to yours. So with me I wouldn't pick anyone that didn't believe in God for my child's God-Parent because God is the center of my life and that's the enviroment I would want my shild reaised in.

But really it's your child, your SIL, your choice.

kimberleigh30

Since you said that you and your DH are not religious I don't see why it would bother you if your SIL wasn't either.

NELCORP

kimberleigh30:

Since you said that you and your DH are not religious I don't see why it would bother you if your SIL wasn't either.

This exactly. I'm a little confused on your statement and why you care so much. Maybe if "not very religious" was better explained.

Jennifer Hassan

If religion isn't the deal breaker then look at the other aspects morally,politically, and their values to make sure that parenting wise and for guidence, they would be who you would want your kids to turn to if your weren't there.......

I take god parents very seriously were as my hubby is more laid back on the idea...But I will find who is most like us in these aspects before I choose just to keep peace in our families......

mrsthedixon

NELCORP:

kimberleigh30:

Since you said that you and your DH are not religious I don't see why it would bother you if your SIL wasn't either.

This exactly. I'm a little confused on your statement and why you care so much. Maybe if "not very religious" was better explained.

Exactly. This is my point, too. In an earlier post, I said I was assuming what "not very religious" meant, but it doesn't sound like you would need someone who is religious as a spiritual guide for your children if you're not very religious at all either.

rapst1

kimberleigh30:

Since you said that you and your DH are not religious I don't see why it would bother you if your SIL wasn't either.

Maybe I should clarify a little.  I am not very religious in that I don't go to church on a weekly basis.  However, I went to a Catholic school from K-12.  My family is very religious, and I do share most beliefs, I just don't feel I need to go to church regularly.

With that said, thanks for all the advice.  This is definetly something DH and I have to discuss in great detail.  I would love to have my SIL as my child's Godmother.  I am just not sure I like the idea of her not believing in God and being the one to "guide my child spiritually"

Thanks again!

Taylor11

rapst1:

kimberleigh30:

Since you said that you and your DH are not religious I don't see why it would bother you if your SIL wasn't either.

Maybe I should clarify a little.  I am not very religious in that I don't go to church on a weekly basis.  However, I went to a Catholic school from K-12.  My family is very religious, and I do share most beliefs, I just don't feel I need to go to church regularly.

With that said, thanks for all the advice.  This is definetly something DH and I have to discuss in great detail.  I would love to have my SIL as my child's Godmother.  I am just not sure I like the idea of her not believing in God and being the one to "guide my child spiritually"

Thanks again!

So your famliy is religious, and you obviously have some spiritual beliefs and faith.  So no, I wouldn't ask her.  I personally want our Godparent to be someone who's faith is just as strong, if not stronger than ours.  Religious beliefs branch into so many areas of like: morals, what you think is right or wrong, priotites in life, ethics, celebrating holidays, etc.  You have to realize that if she does raise your children, they will be aware she doesn't believe, and she certainly won't be taking the time to teach them about God, religion, and what you think is important.  It is a much deeper issue than many realize.  You and your DH have to make that ultimate decision though.

cabinwife

We will be having a Unitarian service, and our baby's Godfather is Agnostic.  Our families range on the religious scale all the way from devoted Baptists to avowed Atheists, so for us the qualifications were connection to us as a couple, dedication to our family, strong morals and ethics (which absolutely can be present in a non-"religious" person) and kindness/compassion. 

IMO I think it's definitely possible for a person to help guide a child along his or her spiritual path even if that person does not belong to a specific religion--we actually prefer the "choose your own adventure" approach .