Do you call your MIL?

Sassy_Cassie

My FIL just told me that my MIL gets her feelings hurt when she has to find things out on FB (like the results of my 3hr GTT.)  He says she expects to hear things in person or over the phone.  I don't call anyone else so why should I call her?  I know it's b!tchy, and maybe it's just hormones, but I kind of want to let her find out I'm in labor on FB...

The woman is just annoying.  DH even avoids family functions sometimes because he doesn't want to be around her.  He recently had a growth appear on his throat and some of his labs were abnormal but he's avoiding telling her until we find out something concrete in order to sidestep the inevitable barrage of calls/emails/fb comments to check if we've found anything out yet.  Her worrying isn't going to do anybody any good so why put everyone through it?

Celiarh1

Wow I am very thankful my MIL stays out of our bussiness now!! Sorry she thinks you should drop everything to tell her first!! Esp. when you don't even call your own mother!!

JohnNDeanna

Never!  H gives his dad all the updates and she finds them out through him or SILs.

B!tchBeckman

I dont call my MIL. she's not all that interested. just asks how im feeling- and thats usually when I see her or when DH is talking to her.

 

vmm0016

My MIL is the same way.  We see her everyweek so she gets all her questions answered.  She is a nurse for mom's that just had babies and keeps telling us all the things that can go wrong.  I want tell her it took her son 3 years to start trying because he was so freaked out something would happen.  Now that we are finally pregnant can you back off?  Sorry, can you tell I have some issues with her?  I told DH we would call his mom after we have the baby.

Brooke208

Of course I do.  Every MIL can be a pain but I feel lucky to have mine, and I talk to her almost every day.  I always call or text her with any type of news, just as I would my own mom.

hriesen4

Awww...I'm sorry you have to deal w/ this!  

I don't call MIL and don't plan to.  She recently got facebook.  I refuse to add her.  She snopes on my SIL's page and other friends' to "find out the scoop."  I find this invading.  There are just somethings that you don't share w/ your ILs.

I wouldn't worry about her too much.  Tell her "no news is good news!"

LovingLife!

Nope. She facebook stalks me enough and calls DH enough that I don't feel the need to call her.

erinb31

I have found my MIL tends to blame DH's distance on me so I tend to push him to call her at least once a week just so that I don't get any grief.  I let DH give her updates and share what he feels he wants to share.  If you aren't calling anyone else, there's no reason YOU need to do it.  She isn't your Mom.  I admire girls who have close and wonderful relationships with their MILs who would be in the place to call and share everything in a sort of mother/daughter way, but I just deal with the cards I have been dealt and stay close, but not that close.

evhamm

I rarely call my MIL but that's because I talk to my own mom more, plus DH talks to his dad more so if any info *needs* to get to the in-laws, it'll get there through him. I think now that Sam's around we'll talk a bit more but really, my relationship isn't that tight with her.

Liss_37

Yep I call mine, not about every little thing, but I definately keep her updated. I could never imagine letting her find out i was in labor through facebook, or having her find out any news about her first grandbaby on facebook either. but everyone is definately different, I love my MIL and FIL and feel very blessed to have lucked out with marrying into such an amazing family.

Jenn.J.

We usually talk at least once/week and sometimes I call her and sometimes she calls me. I think it's fair that she would like updates to come from you or DH vs. fb, but there's an easy solution to that - defriend her or limit her access.

shainababygirl

Unless I have a specific question -- no, I never call her. DH calls sometimes, but not as much as she would like I'm sure.

I'm a all natural, herbal remedies, chiropractic, organic food person when it comes to my health care, and my pregnancy. I'm doing a natural childbirth with a midwife (at the hospital birthing center). 

She's a doctor-knows-everything person who holds no credence to my Mom (who's an RN) or anything that I may have to say about health issues. She told my DH the last time he was up there that she wasn't comfortable with the "new age" way of thinking that I use. 

So, no, I don't call her unless I have too. It sucks too, because until I got pregnant, we had a really good relationship... now I guess it isn't BAD, I'm just sick of a lot of drama and crap that come from that side of the family. 

cmontanari

Nope.  If she knows I have a dr's appt, she calls me.  My mom passed away this year, so she's our LO's only grandma - really, she is so excited for LO and should know what's going on.

Sassy_Cassie

Brooke208:

Of course I do.  Every MIL can be a pain but I feel lucky to have mine, and I talk to her almost every day.  I always call or text her with any type of news, just as I would my own mom.

 It's nice that you can have that with your MIL. 

Maybe the problem with mine is that she pushes too hard to have a "mother/daughter" relationship since she only has boys.  She calls me girlfriend and it makes me want to punch her in the face. 

 She also still talks to my husband in baby-talk and calls him her "itty-bitty-spoiled-rotten-baby-boy."  ::shudders::

Temp6313048411121614

Can you just explain that you're not doing it to hurt her feelings, but that it's just easier for you to do that one update instead of calling everyone?  I got annoyed one day because IL's knew I had an appt that afternoon and called 3 times to see how it went (BEFORE THE APPT WAS EVEN SCHEDULED TO BEGIN).  Generally they're pretty laid back, I think they must've just been super bored.

luckyangel

My MIL had her feelings hurt because she got an update on our NT scan via my SIL.  I started including her in my mass text messages and she is much happier now.

That said, my STEPMIL  has her feelings hurt if DH doesnt call her to tell her news himself.  I agree that if you don't call anyone else, you shouldnt have to call her.  DH told her that it doesnt work out all the time to call which is why we text but she says its impersonal.  We decided together that if we have time to call her we will, but if we don't she gets a text just like everyone else.  If she doesnt like it, TS.

Dancer6978

Well, I do, but only because we have a great relationship.  I wouldn't, however, if we didn't. I'm sorry yours is being such a pain. :P  Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that they are just concerned parents/grandparents, too.  If anything, at least you can say that she cares.

ALYinATL

i never call or talk to MIL unless its in person, she never really seems to care too much im sure she is excited but she mostly just annoys me

Nikki_Jo

I am thankful that MIL has not found fb and I hope she never does.  I also do not call my MIL.  She tends to over worry and then will call constantly and email as well.  We do the same as you and DH and not tell her anything until it is over.  It just makes the whole process so much easier.  When DH had a kidney stone 11 years ago (this was before me) he did not tell her until it was passed. 

Brooke208

Sassy_Cassie:

Brooke208:

Of course I do.  Every MIL can be a pain but I feel lucky to have mine, and I talk to her almost every day.  I always call or text her with any type of news, just as I would my own mom.

 It's nice that you can have that with your MIL. 

Maybe the problem with mine is that she pushes too hard to have a "mother/daughter" relationship since she only has boys.  She calls me girlfriend and it makes me want to punch her in the face. 

 She also still talks to my husband in baby-talk and calls him her "itty-bitty-spoiled-rotten-baby-boy."  ::shudders::

I know not everyone has a good relationship with their own MIL.  Mine isn't perfect either   We're just really close to all of our family members and I am definitely thankful for that.  I have heard some awful MIL stories.

Leap08

I never call my MIL. My husband never calls my mom, why should I call his? It's his mom, so I think he should be the one to call her. She's not very involved in our lives, anyway. Sometimes I have to prompt my husband to call her about things I think she'd like to know.

Sassy_Cassie

The other side of the story is that they're reeeeeally private.  It's not like she's calling us with the details of her life.  Her boys didn't even find out about her years-long serious mental illness until she was hospitalized or that their dad had any kidney problems until he was told the he is definitely going to need a transplant in the next few years.  FIL fell and was hurt once and we didn't get a call until after he had underwent surgery!

Mereou12

God no. Thankfully she really couldn't care less about anything to do with this pregnancy. If it's not directly about her, she just doesn't give a sh*t.

DH talks to his parents mayyyyybe once a week or every other week. I usually just say, "tell them I said hello!"

Pookster1020

Only to thank her if she's sent stuff.  We just don't have the kind of relationship where I would call her just to chat.  She's older, very old fashioned and we don't see eye to eye on a lot.  She can also be very annoying so I avoid her as much as possible.

Sassy_Cassie

OH! And when they were told that it will just be DH and I in the delivery room the response was, "Well, you're just going to have to accept the fact that that's not going to happen.  We'll be busting down the door.  That's how it is."

arob2009

my MIL gets mad when she hears about things on my "blob" as she refers to it... (blog) or facebook.  I rarely update facebook, and I know she rarely reads my blog.  We see them all the time (like probably every other day) and I just don't go around bragging about myself or talking about the little mundane details of each dr. appt.  When I mention something, I am instructed to call every other IL (grandma, aunt, etc) and it is just too much.  So, I feel your pain!

Mrs.Bert

My MIL and I knew each other before I met DH, so she and I were pretty good friends by the time DH and I got married.  I talk to her as often as I talk to my own mom.  She's super supportive, and I thank my lucky stars that I don't have to deal with MIL drama.  Good luck with your situation! 

blushingbrideoct07

I e-mail or FB my MIL on a regular basis. ?Since DH and I do not have a house line most of the phone conversations stay btw him and her. ?I try to have him call her once a week. ?

amanda1128

Sassy_Cassie:

OH! And when they were told that it will just be DH and I in the delivery room the response was, "Well, you're just going to have to accept the fact that that's not going to happen.  We'll be busting down the door.  That's how it is."

 

my MIL keeps asking to be in the delivery room and I keep telling her no. I told her if she tries to come in that nurses know she is NOT to be in and she will be told to leave. We just want it to be DH and I and she just wont accept it.

Blissful Me

Sassy_Cassie:

My FIL just told me that my MIL gets her feelings hurt when she has to find things out on FB (like the results of my 3hr GTT.)? He says she expects to hear things in person or over the phone.? I don't call anyone else so why should I call her?? I know it's b!tchy, and maybe it's just hormones, but I kind of want to let her find out I'm in labor on FB...

The woman is just annoying.? DH even avoids family functions sometimes because he doesn't want to be around her.? He recently had a growth appear on his throat and some of his labs were abnormal but he's avoiding telling her until we find out something concrete in order to sidestep the inevitable barrage of calls/emails/fb comments to check if we've found anything out yet.? Her worrying isn't going to do anybody any good so why put everyone through it?

My MIL was the exact same way after I got married and I am like you, I don't really call that many people other than my mom. For a while she called me but then she just switched to email. We don't have a close relationship at all, she has some serious emotional issues and has caused a lot of problems for us so there really is no desire to have a strong relationship with her anyway. I am civil and nice to her when we see her and I try to get along with her but when she crosses the line I do speak my mind, especially when if it involves my son.?

I wouldn't do anything different unless you feel a desire to have a close relationship with her. Just be nice and civil but if you don't feel comfortable calling her don't let your FIL guilt you into it. Anyway she should be the one calling you and checking on you, she shouldn't expect you to call her suddenly if you never have had that type of relationship before.?

*JennP*

Sounds like DH's job if you ask me... at least that's how it is with us. If DH didn't call her I know she would bug me.

Jwise410

Leap08:

I never call my MIL. My husband never calls my mom, why should I call his? It's his mom, so I think he should be the one to call her. She's not very involved in our lives, anyway. Sometimes I have to prompt my husband to call her about things I think she'd like to know.

 Agree 100%!! I have a mom and a step-mom, that's enough for me, and DH doesn't call them, so why should I have to call his mom over every little thing? I know she would like me to, but it's too much, so I try to make sure he keeps her in the loop only when we want her to know things. She hasn't tried to friend me on FB yet, but I'm sure she will and I plan to block her from seeing my wall, updates, pics, etc. That way she won't be hurt, but she also won't see everything.

goldenleaves

I do. Or she calls me after my appointments. It doesn't bother me, but I love my MIL

getnmarried910

I never call my MIL.  EVER.  DH will tell her something if it's really important, otherwise she can find out on facebook like everyone else.  Maybe if she wasn't so nosy and controlling we'd tell her stuff more often, but since she thinks she has to know every little detail of our lives, we don't really tell her much.

Sizzline

I do, but I'm also pretty close with my MIL. She is truly wonderful, and has actually caused me less stress during my pregnancy than my own mother has. My mom loves me to death, and tends to smother me a bit too much for my liking, as well as being incredibly opinionated and getting offended when we decide to go in a different direction for our child than what she recommends. My MIL, on the other hand, is very interested in how everything is progressing, and how my health and the baby's health are going, but she is not intrusive at all. I call both her and my mom after each appointment, just to let them know everything is going well.

SusieQ1982

I occasionally call to let them know the results of a doctor's appointment because I know they are excited about their grandchild. However, I don't have them on my Facebook. That would be weird.