Just got offered a 2nd shower... advice?

StacyBee79

I posted this on the Baby Showers board, but wanted to get advice from some fellow 2-under-2er's.

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I'm currently expecting baby #2. It's another boy - our oldest son will be a little less than 18 months old when he's born. My very sweet and generous sister-in-law just offered to throw me a baby shower (she gave me a lovely one for DS #1). I had never even considered that I would have a shower for this one - we have nearly everything we need, and the idea just sort of makes me uncomfortable. It sounds like she's excited about the idea though, and I would hate to hurt her feelings. Is it possible to just have a baby "non-shower," just to hang out and eat and play games with close friends? Would anyone take a "no gifts please" message on the invites seriously? I genuinely don't want gifts, and if there's no way to have a "shower" without them I guess I would prefer no shower at all. I would hate for the invitees to feel like I'm gift-grabbing by having a 2nd shower when they so recently attended my first! It would be fun to hang out and celebrate the new baby, but I don't know if there's a way to do it without looking (and feeling!) tacky about it. Thoughts?

mrstice

I have thrown a couple of my friends "mama showers". We have gone out to eat, or gotten mani/pedis, and just spent time together as a way to celebrate becoming a mother (or becoming a mother of 2!). If any of my friends asked to throw me a baby shower, I would somehow suggest something like this. No gifts, just some good time spent with friends. (And maybe the last time to get a pedi for awhile!)

Asquared

maybe you could suggest something like diapers and wipes stock-up party...  unless you're doing cloth- you'll still need these. 

Kimmie0270

You could always have the party and just ask that instead of gifts, have everyone donate to an organization such as "March of Dimes."

howleyshell

Regardless of what you put on the invite people attending a party in honor of a baby in your belly WILL feel obligated to bring gifts.

I'm 100% against second showers - especially this close in age.

I was offered one and declined.

If you don't want to hurt your SIL's feelings but you're not comfortable with a second shower why don't you tell her you'd love some 1:1 girl time with her before things get crazy with a new baby.

Plan a spa and lunch day with just her.

Any other people involved WILL feel obligated to give you and/or the baby gift(s).

 

loverox0825

My friend wants to throw me a shower b/c she missed my first for Joseph.  Instead we're having a "Big Brother Party" for him b/c I didn't want people to buy more gifts.  It's more of a celebration for his new role and I think it'll help him get excited about the baby.  It's just going to be games and cake, and we're only inviting immediate family and a couple of friends. 

Mrs.Reem

mrstice:

I have thrown a couple of my friends "mama showers". We have gone out to eat, or gotten mani/pedis, and just spent time together as a way to celebrate becoming a mother (or becoming a mother of 2!). If any of my friends asked to throw me a baby shower, I would somehow suggest something like this. No gifts, just some good time spent with friends. (And maybe the last time to get a pedi for awhile!)

I love this idea!   IMO it's not appropriate to have another shower with the kiddos being both the same sex and close in age, so I'm with you on that. Some time out with the girls before the baby comes is a great idea though!

jen5-03

Although I declined when my BFF asked to thow me a shower, I got one anyways. But she made my suprise shower a "casserole shower" so everyone brought a casserole for my freezer or a giftcard for food. Something I can actually use and it was fun to celebrate this baby too. It was also a much smaller shower than my first one.

emas

I'd decline, but suggest an alternative, like a ladies' lunch out.  Stress that it would just be a chance to see your friends while it is still easy to do so!  That would be really fun.

userdeleted

Kimmie0270:

You could always have the party and just ask that instead of gifts, have everyone donate to an organization such as "March of Dimes."

Love this idea, and the "casserole shower"

MattsWifey<3

I am in the same boat. I always thought this would be totally tacky. But, my mom and her friends and my close family all want to do something. DD is 15mo. and now were expecting a boy.

Everyone wants to see us (we live 4 hrs. away) and shop for a little boy this time. I told my mom, I am not really into 2nd showers, because people feel obligated. She says, they will do something anyways. 

As long as it's strictly family only, for my shower, I am fine with it. My family is super generous and looks for any idea to come together to eat, drink and give gifts.

scherza

I think it depends on what's done in your area and your group of friends -- in some places, for example, family members do not ever throw showers -- but my gut instinct is that you should gently tell your SIL that you appreciate the thought and decline gracefully.

Telyco

How about a "meet the new baby" party a few months after he is born?

StacyBee79

Thanks for the input, everybody. I decided to thank my SIL but gently decline the offer. It just didn't feel quite right to me. I liked the idea of a casserole shower, but I still felt like I'd be asking too much of people. The folks I'd be inviting are all young, growing families and I just don't want to ask anything of them. If they want to bring dinner or gifts once baby boy gets here, I'll be most appreciative, but I don't want it to be a formal thing where they feel like they *have* to.

Thanks again!

Dani123

My kids are also 19mos apart and both girls! I didnt feel comfortable having a shower since kids are so close in age AND both girls BUT I still wanted to acknowledge that she was coming!  SO We decided just to gather closest girlfriends and family (all women) and we went to have lunch at Cheesecake Factory! It was AWESOME! I requested NO GIFTS! Made a cute flyer that my mom emailed out to everyone and everyone paid there own way.  No pressure!  Of course most did bring a little "something" but it was completely optional, relaxed, we stayed for a few hours and it was nice!

Jerseygirl16

I would only do it if you can do a no gift shower.  I think it's a nice idea to celebrate the baby though!