bittersweet thoughts....

so1966

I sometimes feel selfish waiting anxiously for  ?the big call? from the adoption agency. I hope I can explain this in a way that makes sense.  I often remember listening to BMs at adoption seminars  and their journey when they chose parents for their baby and how although it was the best decision they?ve ever made, it was also a very difficult decision for them.  I guess adoption is a bittersweet journey??someone?s  tough journey becomes a dream for a couple (or a single person).  I keep telling myself that ?life happens? and people have oops pregnancies or relationships fall apart (some reasons for choosing adoption for a baby) and I ultimately I will be giving a baby a loving home, which is a wonderful gift.  Of course,  I want to adopt because I want to parent and the baby will be saving me and my dh in a great way, too?. I guess that's when I sometimes feel selfish....

 

Uggh....I hope this makes sense.  Thanks so much for reading.

 

P.S.  I?m so happy for Wendy.  Can?t wait to hear more?

 

Sophia

 

 

 

MayDayGirl

I know exactly what you mean, I have felt that way so many times, in the past and now as we're thinking of pursuing it again.  Its good to feel that way, it means you care. But it is hard knowing what will make you so happy will make another so sad.

 

Art Teacher

Thank you, Sophia.

I think it the whole process is very bittersweet.  The whole idea of choosing someone else to raise your child...it's just such an amazing thing that a person can do...To be willing to give that a child the opportunities or care you might not be able to give him/her...

I have been thinking about our birthmother so much.  I hope that she is doing okay at this moment.  I can only imagine that the next few days, weeks,and months will be difficult in many many ways.  I also hope that she finds peace knowing that we will have an open relationship and we will keep in contact.   

FinallyMrs.G

I completely understand what you are saying and it makes perfect sense.  I think that is the beauty of open or semi-open adoption.  I know that I will feel so guilty along with feeling excited and being overwhelmed with joy but I know that we will keep in touch with our BM and always have a relationship with her.  It's so bittersweet isn't it?!

kmkaull

I know just what you mean.  What really surprised me though was how appreciative Quinn's birth mom and his family are *of us*.  They have thanked us so many times for being his parents and loving him unconditionally.  I find that just amazing.

The openness does help so much.  One of the big turning points in our adoption was the day Q's birth mom and I spent with him at the bridge care home (before TPR).  She seemed to need to see us together as mother and child.  She's told me many times that she then knew we could love him as much as she could.  Ah, kills me!

jacksjerseygirl

I understand what you are saying ... 

For our son's birth mother she had two fold emotions ... the agency did not have any families, not in matches or active with them, that were open to a black baby. It wasn't until 2 days after G was born that the agency finally called us to see if we would consider becoming 'active' a month early and become parents that day to G. 

I know that part of the emotional journey for an expectant mother who is considering or choses adoption is healing and dealing with the emotions of relinquishing a child they have carried for nine months ... for our son's birth mother what weighed even more heavily for her was that there wasn't a family anxiously awaiting her son's arrival to love him and care for him. It was hard enough for her to have chosen adoption for her son but what was more difficult than that was the knowledge that no one wanted him (until us, of course). 

That is the part that weighs most heavily on me when I see the stats of AA babies up for adoption. That is the part that weighs most heavily on me when I see people make every excuse they can to avoid the issue that there are so many AA babies ready and available for adoption. That is why I gnaw at this on the board and IRL too.

So I understand the guilty feelings and the conflict that you have for your happiness - I'm there all the time even now that we have our baby boy.  

GLynn2009

Our adoption s not open with the birthparents but it is with the other family members. I know they can get info on DD but I can't talk/e-mail/write to the birth parents directly. I am scared that the BM will have a hard time once she knows it is final. She knows it is in the process and has do nothing until TPR was done and now she can't. I am sad on many levels for this. I hope that she does not turn to the drugs and make things worse for herself.

We are happy and sad both.