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Parenting
I need help with my son. Please.
He scratches and claws at faces and clothes. He tries to bite (but hasn't really yet). He runs off and hides in a corner & bangs his butt and/or head on the wall. He bangs his butt against doors to make a loud noise. He throws things. He pulled the diaper pail down & dragged it across his room.
He does all of this when he is frustrated or mad because he didn't get what we wanted, or that we didn't understand him. Last night he did this so much (for over an hour) I just lost it & cried for 2 hours after he finally went to sleep at 1030. I have a welt on my upper lip from being clawed. He pulled on DH's beard so hard he yanked hair out. Last night I think was a combo of tummy & teeth... but man. (and yes, he was well drugged. Motrin, 2 teething tablets, ear drops, orajel)
He's just shy of 18m. Timeouts aren't going to work. He's always in his pnp because there is no place safe for him to be. Superyard won't work, he can pick them up and move them. And climb them. Grabbing his hands and saying gentle, sometimes works. Yelling, well, we do it too much and it doesn't work. An angry silent shaking of the head NO sometimes works. He is a very sweet caring boy. He's just so frustrated. He says 5-6 words and I know if he could tell us more things would be so much easier.
Help. Please. He has his 18m checkup next week with the doc we're friends with, we'll be talking. Please if anyone has any ideas, share them.
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Re: I need help with my son. Please.
My only suggestions would be, when he's acting like that-you have to stay completely calm and try to "talk him down." Using words like "I'm sorry I can't understand your words. Can you show me what you want?"
Ugh. that's a tough stage-for the kid and the parent. My DS is finally on the tail end of it, but we still have those days. (((HUGS)))
We are having the same problem and DS is almost 14 months. Except, he does bite. And hard. After he hits or bites us I say "no" gently and he pouts like I hurt his feelings. I cannot wait until he can talk! I do avoid much of it by making sure he's fed by a certain time or down for a nap in time.
I have started to do time out, though. He has a crib tent so I just tell him why he's going in time out and he gets 1 minute. He may not get it now, but I'm hoping something will connect since I put him there when he hits or bites. Right now, it doesn't seem like he minds when I put him there.
I've also started to turn my back to him when he throws a tantrum. I've had to tell DD and DH not to go to him when he throws himself on the floor. It's difficult! He also screams the screeching scream while we are in the car. DH always gets in the back to tend to him while I drive. I keep telling DH he needs to stop, that it's just what he wants. If we are consistant he will somehow, hopefully get it.
I'm hoping he won't be a wall puncher when he gets older!
All I can say is get him outside as much as possible and let him play. My 2yo is the same way very frustrated, but if I can distract him and get him involved in something else it seems to work. I use bouncy balls, books, toy cars that I race around. It really stinks when they can't explain why or what they want. Good Luck.
I don't know what to do about the behaviors. DD has those days as well. Have you tried doing signs with him? I used signs with both of my girls and I think it really helped to limit the frustrations. Even just using simple signs like more, help and all done allowed the girls to communicate with me when they didn't have the words. If this is something you want more info on let me know and I can pass some good websites your way.
I hope today is better!
He sounds like my daughter when she was younger. She would get sooooooooo frustrated not being able to communicate clearly that she would go nuts on us - clawing, scratching, biting, hiting, pinching, throwing things, screaming, throwing herself on the floor, banging her head on the floor, you name it.
Is he home with you or in daycare? If my daughter had been home with me I would have tried to teach her (and me) sign language, but she was at an in-home daycare.
Things that helped us:
Get down to his level and make eye contact, if safe for you, so he knows you are trying to understand him.
Try to ask yes/no questions so he has a chance to "walk you through" what he wants.
Remind him a million times a day, with empathy, that you want to help him, but you can't understand him until he calms down.
Go cave man on him. Tell him dramatically "Oh, I can see you are so mad. You are mad because Mommy isn't helping you." Do this several times and then when he gets that you "get it" transition to "Mommy wants to help, but I don't know how. Mommy wants to help. Can you calm down so you can show me what you want?" This helped my daughter know she was heard and her feelings were understood she she could calm down enough (sometimes) to show me what she wanted.
Practice getting him to point to things, show you things when he is not upset so he can do it when he is.
Role play the words and actions you want from him with dolls/action figures/stuffed animals.
Know that it will get so much better when he gets more verbal. My daughter still has a challenging temperment at times, but like your son she can be wonderful, sweet and fun too. Now I fortunately get to see that side of her more since she is older.
It will get better. I really, really will!
I'd like more info on that please!
We have been doing signs and they seem to help, but DH put the book somewhere creative and lost it so we stopped. At this point I think he accidentally threw it out. I'm getting another one. DS is in daycare with his sister and daycare is willing to do some signs to help out.
We already asked family to buy the kid a drum pad for christmas so he can constructively bang on something. He likes to bang on the piano, too. But mid-tantrum he just hurls himself and everything else onto the floor. Drumsticks upside the head really hurt but I'm willing to risk it LOL
I'll have DH read this tonight so we can talk about a game plan. Because we really do need to gang up on him before he gets completely out of control. I just want him to be ok and I feel like we've failed already.
Thank you ...
When DS was that age I went out to the toy store and dropped 100$ on new toys because he was so insane that I thought he needed new things to keep him occupied. Didn't work.
I say give up and let him make a mess. I have been known to let DS play with/in a bucket of water on the kitchen floor, play in the kitchen sink with bubbles, give him a bowl of dry beans and some scoops, etc. All of these make huge giant messes but it is worth it! At least they weren't dangerous!
You have not failed! Parenting is HARD! Your son is throwing you for a loop right now, but you can work on your game plan and improve things. Also, he will outgrow some of this stuff naturally as his verbal skills/communication skills improve.
In the mean time remember that this is a phase. (As soon as you get a grip on it a new challenge will come along - yeah, right?!?!)
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think it pretty much comes with the territory for an 18 months old. But I know it sucks.
I was also going to recommend sign language. We started this with S about 10 months and she caught on about 14 months. We just did the basics: eat, drink, more, please, milk, etc. and I do think it helped her a lot with the frustration of not being about to tell us what she wanted. This set is awesome:?https://www.sign2me.com/index.php and?you could probably get it from the library and make some photocopies.
Good luck!!?
I hope the sign language helps! DS is only 10 months old and we can already see he has temper so I've been really focusing on using signs in hopes he's toddler tantrums don't get too awful.
Totally random but a friend of mine has a son who is almost 3 years old now. When he was just over a year he was experienceing some agnger/frustration that was so difficult she hesitated to even make playdates. She read about mild allergies (he'd already been tested and had no noticeable allergies) and decided to put him on a gluten free diet for a few weeks to see if it made a difference. I kid you not that the boy was a totally different child just 2 weeks later. It was amazing!