What do you do when you have absolutely run out of patience?

eeclem

I swear, this kid better thank his lucky stars he has two parents so that one can pass him off to the other before harm is done. The past week, he has been absolutely fighting sleep, and of course it's at the most inopportune times, like 2 am.

The first two weeks, we were blessed with a baby that would easily be put down for the night, sleep up to six hours (six!!!), wake up to eat, and then sleep for another four. That was a short, but blissful phase. The evenings were fussy with lots of cluster feeding but it was worth it for the easy nights.

This week has been far, far more difficult. According to HSHHC, this is totally normal. We really don't think there is anything wrong with him (he is eating fine, gaining plenty of weight, falls asleep in our arms or the glider and takes good naps during the day), just that our luck has run out. But, unfortunately, so has our patience. And this coincides with DH going back to work, so that's an extra layer or suck.

Anyway, I could really use some coping strategies, words of wisdom, what have you, especially for when those 2 am feedings turn in to 3 hour fussing jags (I swear, he used to go right back to sleep but for whatever reason, that just ain't happening anymore).

What helped you keep your sanity and not put your baby in a basket on the neighbor's door step?

femmeftle9

You know, I was completely ALONE after I brought DD home from the hospital. She was born right before Xmas & DH runs a jewelry store, so no way was the owner letting him take off work! I was so disappointed when my mom didn't stay with me to help out (considering that I live in a 3 level townhouse AND was recovering from a C-section)... enough with my whining.

All that being said, I totally feel you. Sometimes, you just need to put LO down & walk away. If theyve been fed, diaper changed, etc and you feel like you're about to lose it, just put them down in the bassinet and walk away. Grab yourself a snack and watch a few minutes of TV.

It's a much better alternative than you trying endlessly to appease LO & losing it on him. So anytime you feel like you have no patience left just put LO down in the bassinet/crib & walk away while you calm down.

((Hugs)) It does get better.

AnnaBananaBelle

I would nurse DD in bed with me so she was quiet (she'd nurse forever if I'd let her) and I could sleep.  When she was totally asleep I'd slip her back into the cosleeper.  You could also try wearing him during the day a lot (like in a Moby or Sling) to make the nights easier. 

AnnaBananaBelle

I also meant to say, when you feel you are about to lose it, but him in the bassinet, crib, whatever, walk away and jump in the shower.   That is what I did to try and regain some sanity.

garden123

Ditto PP, just walk away.  Crying won't harm the baby and he won't think you've abandoned him or anything, so it doesn't mean you aren't doing your job or anything like that.

The crying in the beginning was really hard for me, I would get emotional if he cried for more than just a minute.

crazyDCbride

Hang in there.

It will get better...

We gave in and used a pacifier.  That, in conjunction with the swaddling, helped keep her sleeping longer at night.

Is he only fussy at night?  Or, is he just a fussy baby in general? 

eeclem

crazyDCbride:

Is he only fussy at night?  Or, is he just a fussy baby in general? 

the past few days - all day. before, it was just the evenings with the cluster feedings, but he's been pretty cranky a lot lately - in the car, on walks, in his glider, doing just about anything. 

we're holding off on the pacifier until we've got the latch thing completely down (we used one the first few days, since he had one in the hospital, and it confused things). but, i'll have to work on wearing him more during the day. we just went on a good walk with the baby bjorn. i've tried nursing him to sleep and then putting him down but it isn't working right now - he's crying again in five minutes.

 I will say that if it weren't for Happiest Baby on the Block we probably would have lost it already. Alas, he seems to be getting wise to the 5 Ss. 

Thanks for the thoughts and advice. I appreciate it.  

vtmezzo

I remember that phase...from the time we brought him home until about 3 months old, it was a nightmare. Then all of a sudden, we had a delightful, chubby, giggly, wonderful little dude.

Find somebody you trust to watch him and get out for an hour or two. You need it. Many LCs would probably disagree with me, especially if your LO has latch issues, but I pumped from the beginning and DS has always taken a bottle. I would have lost my effing mind if I was the only one who could feed him. Of course, mine was always a terrible nurser so my advice might be awful.

All I can say is it will get better - just when you think you are going to have a break down, it will improve. I would say do whatever it takes to maintain your sanity - let him sleep in the swing, drive him around if that's what it takes to get him napping, use a paci if that helps. They don't really start forming sleep routines until 4 mo old so you don't have to worry about getting him into a bad habit. And ditto what PP have said - try a Moby wrap. Mine used to nap in that until he just got too big.

 Wish I could make it get easier faster! People never really talk about how desperate you can feel when they are brand new, and it was a shock to me. I cried all the time, I was exhausted, I was pi$$ed, I felt helpless and useless and like a horrible mommy. It's the hormones. In a few months, maybe ever sooner, you will feel like a new person! I promise! 

rachely

I'll be the first to admit that I, more than once, told DS to shut up. I admitted that on another forum and I got a lot of "oh, me too! i'm glad you said that!" (After I told DS to shut up I started laughing hysterically since the whole situation became so absurd--so it actually helped!) Someone else admitted that they'd sing songs but all the words would be "shut up."

 but, I fifteenth the just walk away. and the shower suggestion is a good one, because not only are you getting clean (hard enough those first few weeks) but it's harder to hear the cries over the water.

 also, get out of the house if you can. When I would be about to have a breakdown I'd just put DS in the car and we'd go out--anywhere, but mostly to BRU and BBB, since we always needed things. But I felt more human when I could get out for a little bit.

 It's awful, those first few weeks, you're not alone, but like everyone else says it gets better (and even then it still has its moments...like...yesterday!).

 ETA: I also have good neighbors who are a retired couple and she told me when I first came home that when I hit that point of about to lose it to knock on her door and hand her the baby and she'd take him while I took a shower. If you are lucky to have neighbors like that TAKE ADVANTAGE, they mean it when they say they'll help.

femmeftle9

rachely:

I'll be the first to admit that I, more than once, told DS to shut up. I admitted that on another forum and I got a lot of "oh, me too! i'm glad you said that!" (After I told DS to shut up I started laughing hysterically since the whole situation became so absurd--so it actually helped!) Someone else admitted that they'd sing songs but all the words would be "shut up."

Man, those first few weeks, particularly when I was trying to figure out just WHAT tips and tricks got DD to sleep, I cursed like a sailor every time she woke up.

Being a first time mom & not knowing what the hell you're doing is hard as hell!

NowDNAtoo

DS was a fussy baby and still can be at times.  He was one of those babies who wanted to be held all the time.  Like pps said, there were times I had to put him down and walk away for just a little bit.  Also, with regards to the sleeping once I got him swaddled in the miracle blanket that seemed to help.  He would be able to work his way out of all other swaddle blankets and his movements would wake him.

tomandcourt

So sorry to hear you're having a hard time! Especially since I'm worried that I will be in this same situation in a few weeks . . . I'm definitely bookmarking this post!

The only thing I can think is that maybe he's going through a growth spurt, and that's affecting his behavior/sleep patterns? Moxie has a great post on sleep regressions, which probably won't help you while you're going through it but at least you know it won't last forever.

If you get really desperate, I'm sure your MIL would come over, and I know my stepmom is a huge baby lover and would help out in a second. Good luck!

eeclem

rachely:

I'll be the first to admit that I, more than once, told DS to shut up. I admitted that on another forum and I got a lot of "oh, me too! i'm glad you said that!" (After I told DS to shut up I started laughing hysterically since the whole situation became so absurd--so it actually helped!) Someone else admitted that they'd sing songs but all the words would be "shut up."

 

yeah, i totally did this the other day.

he must have known i was b!tching about him on a message board, because although he was really fussy during the day yesterday, he slept in good five and four hour chunks last night and needed only a little extra encouragement to go back to sleep after eating. with that extra sleep (and the warm bath and Blue Moon I enjoyed yesterday evening while daddy baby wrangled), I'm feeling much more human. I might just keep the kid for another day. 

tracy042206

eeclem:

What helped you keep your sanity and not put your baby in a basket on the neighbor's door step?

 

I told her she was lucky she is cute otherwise there would be a free to a good home sign on her out on the corner.  But really, I think I am a very patient person and the crying would even send me over the edge sometimes (DH would totally get set off by it).  Sometimes you just have to put the baby down (crib, swing, bouncy seat) and walk away to breathe.  Then come back and try again to calm the baby down. 

I HIGHLY suggest Happiest Baby on the Block.  Maggie was a very fussy baby and was eventually diagnosed with reflux at 5.5 weeks, but those first 5.5 weeks were really rough.  DH came home many days to find me crying over the crib.  I would cry because I couldn't help her, he would get angry because he couldn't help her.  Even without reflux, babies are tough and they can cry alot, but trust your gut if you think it is excessive (Maggie never spit up but still had reflux).  I was reluctant to read HBOTB, but I give it to all my pg friends now.  It is all about calming the baby and without it I don't know if I would have survived.  I have heard the video is even better than the book but we only had the book.

Try to leave the house every few days without the baby, even if it is to go the grocery store - the silence in the car can be very soothing.

 It does get better, which isn't very helpful to you right now.  When people would tell me it gets easier at 3 or 4 mo I would think that is a very long time to be so sleep deprived.  This is also why we are done at 2 kids - I think one more would do me in.

 

ETA: Oops, saw you already had HBOTB.  All I can do is offer a lot of sympathy too.  I sometimes wonder at the people who say they love the newborn stage, I know they must have had easier babies or have totally forgotten this stage.  One more suggestion is to take him out of the house, give a bath, etc, before the crying starts.  Sometimes distraction can work well for my kids - they are much happier on the go than sitting at home.

Artslvr

Happiest Baby on the Block = joy and relief. At least for a few moments.  Glad you have that.

Moby was a lifesaver for DD #2, who as a little tiny baby was more fussy than DD #1 was.  I wore DD #2 around the house a lot, she loved being in that little cocoon.

rnin02

rachely:

I'll be the first to admit that I, more than once, told DS to shut up. I admitted that on another forum and I got a lot of "oh, me too! i'm glad you said that!" (After I told DS to shut up I started laughing hysterically since the whole situation became so absurd--so it actually helped!) Someone else admitted that they'd sing songs but all the words would be "shut up."

 but, I fifteenth the just walk away. and the shower suggestion is a good one, because not only are you getting clean (hard enough those first few weeks) but it's harder to hear the cries over the water.

 also, get out of the house if you can. When I would be about to have a breakdown I'd just put DS in the car and we'd go out--anywhere, but mostly to BRU and BBB, since we always needed things. But I felt more human when I could get out for a little bit.

 It's awful, those first few weeks, you're not alone, but like everyone else

Ditto this. It is so hard at first. I still take a shower at bedtime most days, while he's doing his fussy/crying trying to fall asleep thing so i don't hear it. What we finally ended up doing, because I was utterly exhausted and falling asleep in his glider, was letting him sleep with us. I could nurse side lying, he would nurse for hours, and i would sleep. it was the only way i could get a somewhat okay amount of sleep. I was told by many people that fresh air daily helps a baby sleep better, so nearly every day we take a walk or go to the store/run errands. A change of scenery is always good. And for us what also helped, i think, was propping up his crib mattress slightly (once he was sleeping in his crib!). I think maybe he had mild reflux, and it did seem to help him settle. And I also ignored the words of the lactation consultant in the early days of nursing, and gave him his supplement with a bottle and nipple (he needed some formula at first for jaundice and weight gain) and I swear it improved his nursing. At first he just wasn't getting the whole tongue down, open mouth wide thing, but after a couple bottles (always given after a nursing session) he got it. And I am still breastfeeding at 13 months:)

 Good luck! If you live in sterling you can always yell at me for help:)