Punishing for 3.5 yo for crying??

mauceddie

I am getting really sick of my dd cyring every time she doesn't get her way. She'll be 4 in December, and I think she's getting too old for this. I've started putting her in time-out for "crying just becasue she doesn't get her way". 

What's a reasonable age to expect her to stop doing this? Obviously at 2, it's a normal way to express their dissatisfaction, but at 4 it seems like it's just bad behavior.  

For example, this morning, she cried because she wanted to put the eggs away in the fridge and I wouldn't let her. That kind of thing.  

xbrooklyngrl

I don't know if I'd punish her, I'd more ignore it than anything. I think giving her extra attention for it just makes her do it more.

 

DandR

xbrooklyngrl:

I don't know if I'd punish her, I'd more ignore it than anything. I think giving her extra attention for it just makes her do it more.

 

this....I usualy just say matter of factly "I don't understand you, when you are ready to talk like a big girl, then we can chat about this." and I walk away....the girls usually stop in less than a minute because they aren't getting a reaction.

mauceddie

DandR:xbrooklyngrl:I don't know if I'd punish her, I'd more ignore it than anything. I think giving her extra attention for it just makes her do it more. this....I usualy just say matter of factly "I don't understand you, when you are ready to talk like a big girl, then we can chat about this." and I walk away....the girls usually stop in less than a minute because they aren't getting a reaction.

See, that is what I've been doing for the last 2 years. With no improvement... 

She doesn't cry for long, maybe only minute or two, but I think she needs to learn that you don't cry every time things don't go exactly the way you want them to go. 

Kersbear

I ignore the behavior, for the most part.  As long as it's just him screaming, crying, throwing a normal fit (i.e. not kicking, hitting, throwing anything) I simply say, "That behavior is not acceptable.  I can't understand what you when you cry/whine.  I will talk with you when you talk nice" (or something along those lines) and then I go about my business and ignore him until he can talk nicely.

 Once he talks nicely I let him know that it's okay to get mad or sad when he doesn't get something he wants, but we don't always get things when we want them.  I also let him know that next time he could do a, b, or c instead of throwing a fit over it.

pincushions

No clue. I would like to see responses!

Miles cries for anything that isn't going his way. Recently he has started telling me he is "ready to go home" if he doesn't like what we are doing. Then cries and whines until we do.

No amount of trying to talk to him, time outs or even ignoring has worked. He will not be ignored! It usually ends up in him screaming about something.

Rebekah1021

pincushions:

No clue. I would like to see responses!

Miles cries for anything that isn't going his way. Recently he has started telling me he is "ready to go home" if he doesn't like what we are doing. Then cries and whines until we do.

No amount of trying to talk to him, time outs or even ignoring has worked. He will not be ignored! It usually ends up in him screaming about something.

This is my Audrey!

bugmommy

I guess I sort of do this with my older DS.  In situations like this I tell him that if he wants to cry he has to go to his room, the TO chair, whatever.  Usually just telling him that is enough for it to stop at this point.  I also don't do a time limit when this is the case.  So if he stops after 30 seconds, he can get up or come back in the room.  I just ask him "are we are done with the crying?"  If he says yes, I say, "great, let's go play."  I don't consider it really punishment, but some kids don't seem to get the hint just by ignoring.  I try to let him know it isn't O.K. without making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

DaiLyght

Kersbear:

I ignore the behavior, for the most part.  As long as it's just him screaming, crying, throwing a normal fit (i.e. not kicking, hitting, throwing anything) I simply say, "That behavior is not acceptable.  I can't understand what you when you cry/whine.  I will talk with you when you talk nice" (or something along those lines) and then I go about my business and ignore him until he can talk nicely.

 Once he talks nicely I let him know that it's okay to get mad or sad when he doesn't get something he wants, but we don't always get things when we want them.  I also let him know that next time he could do a, b, or c instead of throwing a fit over it.

DS just turned 4 and this is how I've been handling it for a while now. I usually tell him that when he's ready to use his words like a big boy, we can talk about it. He'll usually stop right then and then I explain why I didn't let him put the eggs in the fridge, and then we also talk about how he instead could have asked if there was something he could have put away, or maybe ask if he could help me put them away (hold the door for me, whatever).

Once we have a talk like that, the next time the situation comes up, the second he seems like he's going to cry again, I'll stop him and remind him of what we talked about last time and give him a chance try to handle it the "right" way like we discussed. 

Kersbear

Also, I use a lot of positive reinforcement.  I tell him how nice he cleaned up or how proud of him I am for understanding when I said no (etc). 

We have a magnet reward chart where he gets a magnet at the end of the day for doing (or not doing) certain things.  Such as brush his teeth, no whining, cleaning up, helping mommy, etc.  We also have a sticker chart and every night we do a sticker if he was good that day, but on top off that throughout the day I'll let him go put a sticker chart for good behavior.  Not always for the same thing and not always everyday, so that way he really loves it when he gets an extra here or there.

Lisa102304

My question is, what do YOU do when she starts crying?

 Do you call attention to the crying? Yell? Ignore? Give in? YOUR respeonse can dictate her behavior too, to some extent.

 

I honestly think the best thing to do is just tell her that is she is crying, she is going to be removed form the area (like going in her room with the door closed) until she is done crying. Then, and only then, will you talk to her. Ignoring and removing from the "family" until the crying episode might be best.

 

Eventually, it WILL stop. It is annoying, but at this age she IS still developing emotional ability to deal with things. She is getting older, but still doesn't have the ability to say "Mom, I am very disppointed I did not get to put the eggs away. I feel very hurt. It would make me feel better if next time you let me help you." lol

mauceddie

Lisa102304:

My question is, what do YOU do when she starts crying?

 Do you call attention to the crying? Yell? Ignore? Give in? YOUR respeonse can dictate her behavior too, to some extent.

 

I honestly think the best thing to do is just tell her that is she is crying, she is going to be removed form the area (like going in her room with the door closed) until she is done crying. Then, and only then, will you talk to her. Ignoring and removing from the "family" until the crying episode might be best.

 

Eventually, it WILL stop. It is annoying, but at this age she IS still developing emotional ability to deal with things. She is getting older, but still doesn't have the ability to say "Mom, I am very disppointed I did not get to put the eggs away. I feel very hurt. It would make me feel better if next time you let me help you." lol

Thanks. We were ignoring it for a long time, then we told her she had to leave the room until she was done crying (saw this on supernanny), but that didn't seem to help either - she woudlnt; actually leave so I'd have to pick her up and bring her to her time-out spot (the stairs) which has now  led to time outs. We let her come out of time out when she's done crying. We explain to her every single time that it's not appropriate to cry when you don't get your way, that crying is for when you are hurt or really upset, and that she won't always get her own way.

 T

hikerbeth

I put my DD in her room (door open) when she's having a worthless crying fit.

I have a very hard time ignoring her when she's right by my side having a fit, so a lot of it is for myself (so I don't yell at her).

She also gets it over with much sooner if she's out of sight.  I don't think of it as a punishment per se, just "go cool off and come out when you're done crying."

ivybug

I tell DS if there are no tears, it's whining.  Then he has to go to his room to whine, b/c we don't want to hear it.  He can come out when he is done whining.

LestaMarie

My DD tends to act more babyish when she's stressed out, hungry or tired, too.  Maybe there's something going on in her life that's kind of stressing her out or something?  In any case, yes, I think it's fine for you to put your foot down about her crying every time she doesn't get her way, as long as you're explaining why she's in time-out, and how she can act more age-appropriate.

shouldbeworkin

I usually give him a choice to stop or continue and go to his room.  Sometimes he stops, sometimes he's too worked up and really needs to go to his room to settle down a bit.  sometimes I also tell him it's not up for discussion and that gets him to stop.  Redirection also works a bit at his age, as does picking my battles.