having an issue...

fisha25

hello ladies,

So i found out today I'm having a son.  My boyfriend has a son who is about to be 18 and two DD from prev. relationships. Then i have one DD from a prev relationship and We have one DD together. (i know we're the brady bunch)

So he wants to name it after his father. Who A. never talks to me ( he speak little english but atleast tries with the kids i don't even get a hello) and B. drinks like a fish. My boyfriend and his father are Always fighting over how much he drinks and how it effects everyone.

I don't feel like this is a man worthy of having a child named after him. however my boyfriend feels otherwise. I always changed the subject till know because we didn;t even know if it was a boy yet but now that we do i'm sure we're going to have this fight. Any advice?  

BlessedMommy723

I would explain my reasons why I don't want to name the baby after his dad. Obviously do so tactfully when explaining about how his dad's drinking bothers you. Hopefully he will understand.

Is there anyway you can compromise? Maybe use his dad's name as the middle name... or his dad's middle name as your DS's middle name? Can you use a variation of one either for your DS? I know you don't want to use his dad's name, but if it is that important to your boyfriend he may not give up.

It's your son as well as your boyfriend's and you may need to remind him of that. Your DS's name needs to be something you both LOVE. Ask him how he would feel if you were pushing him to accept a name that he didn't LOVE.

Beenie

You're the one carrying it and pushing it out! I think you have way more say on this one.

fisha25

BlessedMommy723:

I would explain my reasons why I don't want to name the baby after his dad. Obviously do so tactfully when explaining about how his dad's drinking bothers you. Hopefully he will understand.

Is there anyway you can compromise? Maybe use his dad's name as the middle name... or his dad's middle name as your DS's middle name? Can you use a variation of one either for your DS? I know you don't want to use his dad's name, but if it is that important to your boyfriend he may not give up.

It's your son as well as your boyfriend's and you may need to remind him of that. Your DS's name needs to be something you both LOVE. Ask him how he would feel if you were pushing him to accept a name that he didn't LOVE.

 

I should also say while i have no issue over a spanish name i can't say it properly because i seem to have a problem rolling my r's though i've practiced. He said how about richard then, since it's the english translation which i also don't like because i don't want my son called D1ck. So he did try to meet in the middle but i'm really am just not ok with it still.  

ANd his dad's middle name is my BF's name. My BF's has two middle names one is his dad's name and the other is his oldest son's first name.  which just makes it all the more messy

FMIL&MOB

Why didn't he name his first son after his dad? Tell him the other child would be hurt. Frankly, be honest with him and say no way are you naming your son after a man who is a drunk. You can use the first initial but not the name. If your BF and his dad have the same last name then say he is getting already getting that passed onto your child.

wheelenl

FMIL&MOB:

Why didn't he name his first son after his dad? Tell him the other child would be hurt. Frankly, be honest with him and say no way are you naming your son after a man who is a drunk. You can use the first initial but not the name. If your BF and his dad have the same last name then say he is getting already getting that passed onto your child.

This. If he is getting your BF's last name, which is not a requirement especially if you're not married, that is enough. He's had other chances to name kids after his dad. Why now? My guess, not to be harsh, is that his father's alcohol problem is getting worse, and he's worried about how long he will be around. He might be feeling guilty that he and his dad haven't had a better relationship? Just a guess. 

You could do Richard as a middle name. My brother's name is David Richard.

EastCoastBride

Whose last name is your child going to have?  If his, then my arguement would be "what about my family and honoring my family?".  The kid will have tehir family name- I think you get to have a say in the first name!

sunnyday016

I would not use a family name if the person it is honoring isn't special to you-especially an alcoholic! 

"mom, why did you name me ____?"

"oh honey, we named you after your alcoholic grandfather, who never speaks to me-isn't that special?" 

ubermoose

Explain that you know he loves his father, but his father's alcoholism and coldness towards you REALLY sours you on the idea of naming a kid after him. Period. A namesake is not an inherent right, and both parents need to be on board when choosing to honor a relative. Otherwise it causes resent.

Especially if this his name has been used naming others in the family... he already has his namesake.

Robby6

sunnyday016:

I would not use a family name if the person it is honoring isn't special to you-especially an alcoholic! 

"mom, why did you name me ____?"

"oh honey, we named you after your alcoholic grandfather, who never speaks to me-isn't that special?" 

 this.

OctoberCAPA

I know D1ck is a common nn for Richard, but it's my dad's first name and he has never gone by that--he always has used the full name.  If you insist, people won't nn it.

Other than that, I agree with all pp--stick to your guns and don't name after a drunk who isn't nice to you, esp if the kid is getting your BF's last name.