Friend lost her 19 month old CP child last Friday
skittles_123
member
She is a very close friend of mine, but she lived in California as she moved their with her family so her husband could do his surgery residency.
I haven't been able to get much info about what happened, but I don't think it was expected. Most all of her communication has been through facebook to all of her friends, which makes sense.
I just feel so helpless. She has 2 other girls, 3 and the twin to her daughter that died. They are coming back for the funeral here in our hometown next Monday. I offered to help in anyway I can. I plan on attending the funeral on Monday. I am just going to be a mess, I really don't even know what the right words are to say to her when I actually see her face to face. Attending a funeral for a child is just so foreign and un-natural for me and I am sure many others.
It just seems so unfair that a mother has to bury her own child.
Thanks for letting me get this out. It really has been bothering me for days.
Re: Friend lost her 19 month old CP child last Friday
that's horrible
CP doesn't cause early death, I imagine it was very unexpected then. I am very sorry for your friend
First I am heartbroken for your friend and her family.
I know you were venting but maybe I can offer some insight? As a mom who recently lost her child, it is okay to be a mess. It shows the parents how much you feel for them and their loss. No-one knows the words to say. I do know what I did not want to hear. First, "It was meant to be" or "it was God's will" or "Everything happens for a reason" (or some variation) do not say any of these things. No parent wants to hear that it was meant to be or God's will to take their child from them. The other one for me was sorry - maybe it is me but I find it to be over used and lacks feeling because everyone says that. Instead say how you feel. "I am so sad you are going through this", "I will miss your DD", "I wish I take away your pain", etc. are all good to say in place of I'm sorry.
It is unfair and you can tell your friend you feel that. If you knew her DD tell her how much you'll miss her and how she will always be in your heart. If youahve a memory tell her that. All parents want to hear is how much others were touched bytheir child and how much people love them. They want to know their child won't be forgotten.
And as for feeling helpless the best thing you can do is not forget. In a month or so send your friend a card out of the blue. A "thinking of you card" or something similar. Send a quick e-mail or FB message asking how she is. Just remember her in months from now, when things are starting to get back to normal and peopel stop asking. That is when she willneed her friends to remember. It will mean the world to her.
I hope that helped.