Mom not allowed in for delivery...

JameRoo430

Alright so I love my Mom to death but for some reason she thinks that she should be there for the delivery.  I know some people allow this and my sister did (although her and her husband didn't really want her there, they were just sick of fighting with her).  Anyway I very nicely explained to her that although we are blessed to have her in our lives and want her involved in all other ways that being there for the birth was a very private experience for Pete and I and we wanted to be alone.  She has said everything mean she possibly could through this entire pregnancy.  She started telling me I was gaining weight all over BEFORE I had gained ANY weight.  She told me I was carrying the baby in my butt.  She told me she would be in the room until someone told her to get out and the latest was she told me that if my in-laws had time maybe they could call her to tell her when I was in labor, if not whatever. 

    She is just being so hurtful.  I know she's my Mom and she is depressed and I love her, but she is just such a mean person lately.  Has anyone else had anything like this to deal with or have any tips?  I am on the last straw with her.

MamaNinja

How old is your mother??   She sounds like a spoiled teenager who is trying to play the martyr to get what she wants.

 

EmilyK508

Tell the nurse no one is allowed in except the hubby. L&D nurses rock like that.

ClaireBennett

First, so sorry  

Second, your sister didn't help you by letting her in, now she probably thinks she can bully you.

My mom was super bummed when I told her she couldn't come in and would conveniently "forget" that I had said that.  Since they are coming from out of town, I made a little packet for with hotel info, restaurants, etc. and I also put helpful things each of them could do for us.  While we are in labor, she is going to be picking up my in-laws from the airport, feeding our cats, etc.  It made her feel a little more involved, but that's just how my mom is.  I don't know if that would help in your situation.  So sorry!

zoieglow

EmilyK508:

Tell the nurse no one is allowed in except the hubby. L&D nurses rock like that.

Ditto. They will happily keep her out. And since she said she'd stay until she was told to leave, problem solved. If you want to deal with it now, just tell her your hospital's policy is that only the father is allowed in the delivery room.

chloephoebecali

Mine has been crappy too.  She actually told us the oher day we should not be having a kid because I will not be a sahm.  She also started giving dh crap for "not making enough money" with his mba.  She doesn't know how much he even makes.  I avoid her so much these days because she is so shittty.  I will only talk to her once a week because I feel I should do at least that.  GL!

greycoral

don't call her until after baby is born. problem solved.

tk5851

greycoral:

don't call her until after baby is born. problem solved.

I tell my mom this all the time when she makes stupid comments about weight and what not.

mtendere

I'm sorry she's acting like a spoiled brat and your sister's decision didn't help you any!  Try not to let her comments get to you (I know, easier said than done when it's your mother), and stand your ground.  And those L&D nurses will kick her out if you let them know you don't want her there.  Good luck!  

I like the PP's idea of trying to involve her in other ways, but I realize that might not be helpful if she's being a baby about the whole thing.  I know I've told my mom that we might need her to stay at the house until the baby is born to take care of the animals. 

JameRoo430

Thank you so much for all of your advice!  I will definitely talk to the labor and delivery nurses and that was a really great idea about asking her to do stuff to make her feel more useful.  My Mom is being mean and unreasonable about this but I don't think I could ever just not tell her I was having a baby though.  I still love her and we have been close my entire life.  We just do a bit better if we live a bit farther away from her!  GL to those of you with similiar problems with your Mom's!  Pregnancy can be stressful enough without having to worry about that!

roxyrulz512

def having problems like this and not just with mom but w/ other family members as well...

but as far as L&D go, my hospital will only allow the father of the baby and an assigned doula in the room(if wanted) so just tell your mother that its hospital policy that only hubby is allowed in room so theres no way around it

jcsntms06

Wow, I'm sorry your having to deal with this extra stress. I would just stand my ground and keep telling her NO! Good luck!

Jessica Kovacs

If she's treating you like that why on earth would you want her in your delivery room? I'd tell her that her behavior is unacceptable.

Stick to your guns and keep it just your and your husband. It doesn't sound like she would be helpful to you in any way and would only add stress.

lv2bhapi

I'm sorry to hear that your mom is being so difficult.  When my mom approached me about being there for the delivery, I struggled through but eventually told her no.  It was hard and I felt incredibly guilty, but in the end, I knew I'd done the right thing.  She stresses me out and additional stress is not needed during labor.  I know that there's a slight possibility that I will be screaming for her, and if that happens so be it.  But I refuse to be guilted into allowing her there just to protect her feelings. 

This is your baby and you should do what makes you happy.  Hopefully she'll get over it soon.  Good luck!

mattandbekah

wow she is being ridiculous.  Could you maybe give her a job to make her feel important...even something like every 30 minutes DH can send her a text and she can be the liason to update the rest of the family? I know it sounds childish, but she is being childish so why not give it a try

heather_09_15_07

jessica_m:

If she's treating you like that why on earth would you want her in your delivery room? I'd tell her that her behavior is unacceptable.

Stick to your guns and keep it just your and your husband. It doesn't sound like she would be helpful to you in any way and would only add stress.

This. If someone was being so mean to me the entire time, the last thing I'd be worried about was hurting their feelings.