XP: Suggestions for a gift for an adoptive family?

choirgirl

Hi, I've never posted here, but I though you guys might be the perfect place to ask my question:

Our neighbors have been trying to adopt for a long time, with much heartache on the way (one example is they went out of state to attend the birth of a baby they were to bring home, a boy who would have been just a week our older than our DS, and the family changed their mind at the last minute and they came home with empty arms).  Unfortunately, we ended up somewhat avoiding each other (well, less avoiding each other and more not going out of our way to run into each other) for awhile, I was afraid of making her cry, and of sobbing in front of her for what happened to her (I was so hormonal when I found out) and she was afraid of crying in front of me.  I should have been stronger, but in the end, it's all OK, because we finally had a chance to talk and do a little crying that was under control before the next bit of news:

They are adopting an 18 month old from foster care, they start transitioning him in this month.  I'm so happy for them, I could just burst! 

Question: What can we get them as a congratulations gift that would be both appropriate to a child that age, and that would truly be from the heart?  We can't offer them to use our baby gear, clothes, toys, bc their LO is 9 months older than our LO with entirely different needs.  I don't want to just bring cookies or flowers (it appears their house is a floral shop right now anyway) that won't last.  I'd like to bring something for them and for the boy (we know his name, if that matters). 

I'm also afraid that when I meet them, I am going to cry for joy, but how to explain that to a little boy who's old enough to know I'm crying but maybe not get that people cry for happiness?

Luvadoptedkids

I love this post so much!  It warms my heart to hear that a family is getting their forever child through the foster system.  We too adopted our son when he was 13 months old.  Our bonding with him was the same as our girls we adopted from birth.  We just never missed a beat.  I'd have to say that little boys that age LOVE their very own flashlight.  I know it's not personal but...He will think you are the coolest and play with it often.  If you want to spend money... A gold necklace with a charm of her child's birthstone.  I know that it meant a lot to me when I got one for our first child.  It was something only a mother wears and for the first time... I qualified.  If money is tight... get her a kit of plaster paris to have a forever molding of her babies little hands.  I also know how special those have been to me because your child grows so fast and it's a mommies forever keep sake that lasts forever.  One of the biggest things right now is that she's finally getting to expierence what being a mother feels like.  To recognize her as a mom is so big. 

 

jacksjerseygirl

I love adoptshoppe.com

They have life books, baby books suited towards adoption, and a ton of other stuff. Check it out and see if anything pops out to you.

Thanks for sharing the great story too! Can't get enough of happy endings.

crystalpopcorn

I think it is hard to find something "sentimental" for an 18 month old boy.  You could get a teddy bear or something like that.  Personally, I would suggest getting a toy or something for the little boy and then something more personal for the mother.  I have 19 month old boy.  He loves any type of ball, board books and things to push or pull around (think toy lawn mower or shopping cart).  He also really likes music. Anything like that would be good, depending on your budget. 

Don't worry about crying in front of the kiddo.  He will probably either not notice or just look at you funny.  He won't think that you are sad to see him, especially when you are smiling and crying at the same time.

Good luck, and you are a good friend.  

LotsaOranges

What a beautiful story; thanks for sharing. I think the separate gift for mom and son works well. I know she would love a necklace or something with his name - I agree that it would be a great acknowledgement of her new mommyhood.

choirgirl

Thanks, you guys, great ideas.  I'm sure it's much the thought that will be nice, so I'll see what I can do.  I know he's 18 months, but not sure exactly what month he was born in for the birthstone, but you guys have definitely sent me in the right direction.

My sister is adopted, but I forget, to the degree that during my pg when it seemed I had to give my medical history 87 times, my DH had to constantly remind me that her medical issues didn't "count" as a sibling. It was like I wanted them to write them down anyway.  Weird, I know.  Anyway, she came to us when she was 10 weeks old, so people just gave us regular baby gifts, much different from a year and a half.  

If you guys want good stories, then I should tell you that my sister's birth mom and her family are now part of our family. Her birth mom was 13 when she had my sister, so there really wasn't a question for her to keep her.  When she was 21, my sister looked up her birth parents, and for a variety of reasons that may not seem very fair, she didn't click with her birth dad (among them, he and his family were overwhelming to her, and her birthmom was quiet and shy like she is).   Her birth mom now has a husband and 2 daughters and a granddaughter, and my sister and her husband and daughter spend part of all holidays with them, too. When she graduated from college, my dad had died, and her birth mom's husband and his brother drove 3 states away with their trucks to bring her stuff home. Her half sisters were in her wedding party, and her birth mom and her husband are my niece's godparents.  Confused?  Anyway, I just thought you might like to know a success story about an adoption, now 30 years later, that ended up open, with just the addition of love, and very little crunchiness on the way.

My best wishes and love to all of you here.  If we can't give my son a sibling (my mom and grandma both had secondary infertility), I may be joining you here. 

GLynn2009

Our DD is two and she won't be home for another two weeks. UGH!!

I would love to have anything. DH and I took 30 minutes trying to pick out a booster seat for DD this weekend so she would have a place to eat when she comes home. DH wanted a small table and chair set. I forgot that 2 year olds need to be strapped down..... We need lots of stuff but I am trying to not buy because both sides of the family have mentioned showers. I did get a super cute bumble bee costume for halloween.