Feeling Guilty

sxfort

Hi Ladies. This is my first time on this site. I had an ectopic pregnancy 2 months ago. My DH and I are thinking of trying but I feel guilty. Like I am just moving on from the poor baby that never made it. Does anyone else feel that way? Plus I'm scared I'm going to have another ectopic. I had an HSG and have no factors that caused it so it was a so called fluke but it all just doesn't make sense to me.

 Thanks in advance.

HElizabethDU

I just want to say, that I am sorry for your loss, and I think all of us feel guilty or scared that we are going to have another miscarriage, and just know that some of us ladies have had multiple miscarriages, and yes it sucks big time. 

I am terrified that when I do get pregnant again, that I will have another miscarriage.  But somehow we all have to find away around it.  There is a quote around here that says "My desire to be a mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage"  something like that, (sorry ladies if I got that a little messed up.) And when you do get pregnant you just have to remember that in that moment you are a mom and you love your baby with all your heart. 

 I am sorry if that was a bunch of rambling, but I hope I made you feel even the tiniest bit better.  It does get a little eaiser over time, but the fear always lingers in the back of your mind.

someflower6

hey there! welcome to the board. i'm so sorry for your loss-- having an ectopic must have been an incredibly stressful and traumatic experience, both physically and emotionally. i didn't have an ectopic, but i did have a loss, and i also felt somewhat guilty about deciding to try again. i felt like it was almost a betrayal, like i was saying "oh well, this one didn't work out so let's make the next one!"

but it's really not like that. a loss is an incredibly sad experience and everyone experiences it differently. for me, i realized that as devestating as that loss was, it made me realize how important being a mom is to me, and how much i really want to have a kid-- DESPITE going through such a painful experience, i realized i needed to move on and wasn't going to let the past stop me from moving forward. i no longer feel guilty about it, in fact i feel much more secure that this is truly the decision i am making for myself.

i still think of and miss my little peanut. my pregnancy taught me a lot about myself and about the depths of love. i am actually quite grateful for the experience, and i have faith that my little one would want me to experience that again. with a happier ending, hopefully!

good luck to you!

Scout05

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I totally understand your feelings. We just had a chemical pregnancy (I really hate that phrase, btw) end on Monday, but for the three days that we thought we were pregnant again, I kept breaking down and talking to "B.C.," which was our nickname for our first little one. I would look in the spare room that was supposed to be his, and would think "what if he is looking down on us and thinks we don't miss him anymore?" I don't think this is ever going to really go away.

But the truth is, we will always love the children we lost. We just have to move forward as best we can.