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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Anyone NOT get along with their Mom???
My Mom is like a FULL TIME JOB!! She is very needy and attention seeking. She always whines about how much she misses the kids BUT she hardly ever comes over...EVERYTHING I say offends her, My cousin (BFF/sister) can tell her F off and she'll laugh her a$$ off...if we're joking around and I say "shut up" in a joking way, even while laughing, she will get completely serious and lecture me about how rude I am and how can I talk to her like that, etc.... Her and my dad divorced when I was an infant and they have never gotten along, all of a sudden they are buddies so she calls me today to tell me that he fell, I say, howd you know? (thinking to myself, howd SHE know b4 me) and shes like "well you know, we've been chatting" then I say "I see." like a nod, and she explodes! What the hell is wrong with me, why do I ridicule her about being close with my dad, etc. I said it seemed to me she was the one that thought it was weird since shes jumping on everything I say so defensively, etc. then shes just like "you know, forget it, its over" and changes subject! I HATE HOW SHE ALWAYS GETS TO SAY HER PEACE! and whens shes done, its always followed by a "ok, its over, lets not argue." Then If i say anything, Im "causing an arguement OR I cant let anything go, theres Dani, the heartless B*itch!...." UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Anyone NOT get along with their Mom???
How did she know she was on the last straw, and what made you decide...Any one of my close friends say she woulda been outa there a LONG time ago....My good friends MIL is just like her and I always tell her "be happy its his mom and not yours!" She is better since Ive had the kids but now its just a whole new set of needs...she pouts for days and doesnt call (which i usually ignore) but then get flack for that. She has doc appts she doesnt tell me about then yells that I didnt call with worry about the appt I didnt even know existed....etc...Its just always something and its just EXHAUSTING!!!! I hate always being the bigger person and its just infuriating sometimes....
WOW - I never knew I had a sister.
I'm an only child of a single mom. My parents divorced when I was about 6 years old and my dad basically disappeared from my life. I have no relationship with him at all. My mom has always been a bit off-kilter, very needy and always needing her ego stroked. I used to think my mom was one of the strongest people on the planet but now I have serious reservations. It is exhausting being with her; I have to work myself up to it so I don't kill her. I essentially just tolerate her because she is my mom. I do love her dearly and want her to be happy but she seems to want a perpetual state of upheaval and now that I have my own family I just can't deal with it.
On July 3rd, we had a meltdown and I just didn't bend to her whim anymore. She called me out on feeling as though I only tolerate her - which is true and sad but I just can't keep feeding her ego constantly. We haven't really spoken since then. She has seen my daughter once since this happened and has again made an email request to see my DD. I don't have a problem with her seeing my LO but I don't want anything to do with her right now. She did send me an email several weeks ago and wanted me to meet with her therapist. I just let it go once I found out that she would be present. I would gladly go meet with this therapist in an effort to aid my mom in getting a proper diagnosis but I just am not ready yet to do any kind of conflict resolution.
So after years of saying that I would have cut my mom out of my life if I had a viable relationship with a sibling or my father, she essentially did it for me. I truly NEVER would have taken this drastic measure but now that it has been decided for me it is quite liberating.
Good luck with your mom.
Wow I could have written your post! I know a HUGE part of my problem is that she is single and has been for a LONG TIME! When she was with someone it was soo nice, shes a diff person...Also I HAVE A TWIN BROTHER! Yes I DO! But she doesnt even bother with him too much, its very much "he has his own life and she lets him live it" where as with me its total suffocation...Like your mom with the disconnection EVERYTIME we have a blow out, her resolution is to go our sep. ways, everytime! Its her FIRST suggestion! I hate that she seems so READY for that! Although I have contemplated this many times I coudl never initiate it. Its just so emotionally draining. Like shes my 3rd child, I swear!
I'm OK with my mom (but we live 2K miles apart, which helps a ton) but I no longer speak with my grandmother. She was a toxic person and spent a lot of time lying, so finally I had to cut her off completely. She refused to attend the funeral of her oldest child, my uncle, and that's when I decided that I couldn't be around someone who woud do that to her own child.
It is a verrrry painful thing to cut someone off completely. It breaks my heart that she's never met DD.
I gues my only advice would be to think of how you'd treat your mom if she wasn't your mom. How would you react if a friend treated you like that? I put up with my years of lies from my grandmother before I decided that sometimes, blood is NOT thicker than water and you can set up boundaries with your family in order to maintain a healthy relationship. (But I sincerely hope that you never get to the point of completely cutting someone out of your life. It's horrible.)
GL! Sounds like a messy situation!
Yes Bright, I can see how you mean...Is that your moms mom? Does she lecture you for doing that??
My mom LOVES LOVES the girls. I dont know that I could ever keep her away so i just shrug it off and "wear it" til' the next episode, whenever that may be, but it does get EXHAUSTING!
Yup, it's my mom's mom. My grandmother doesn't have good relationships with most of her kids, so my mom understands.
Even though it's hard and it makes you feel like the parent, you can cut someone off mid-sentence and say, "I'm not going to listen to you talk like this. If you continue, I'm leaving/hanging up." Then FOLLOW THROUGH! I've had to do it and after a while, people really do change how they talk to you. It is so hard to draw boundaries, but when you realize how much energy you spend worrying over her, it'll be easier.
GL.
My grandmother (and MIL) do the exact same thing. You've just gotta ignore it. When people act childishly, it's OK to treat them childishly. She's only going to those extremes because she knows they work! It gets you to feel bad and back down, then she gets her way againand gets to treat you poorly. If it stops working, she'll stop acting that way!