Give me some perspective here....WWYD?

Brewster

Suppose you recently joined a playgroup where your 2.5 yo is one of the youngest kids (besides the whole new set of infants/newborn siblings).  He gets along and likes all the kids, but an older child (4yo) kinda picks at him.  (Tells him he is a baby, he can't play with them, shuts the door and won't let him in, etc.)  When the older child's mom isn't in earshot to correct the behavior you step in.  The kid back talks you and still insists your 2.5 yo is a baby or whatever.  WWYD? 

My instinct tells me to go mama bear all over the situation, but I am not sure at what age Noah needs to/is capable of standing up for himself.  I really don't think his feelings are hurt at this point or that he even realizes it is mean.  He is almost 3 and will know soon though.  (In the car I asked if he was friends with the older boy and he said yes.  He doesn't see him as mean yet.) 

It hurts my  feelings to see my child treated this way, although  I love the moms in the playgroup and Noah really enjoys it.  Any thoughts? 

asned

Personally, at this age, I would talk to the parent. I would say that her child is pushing your DC out of the group and you really don't want her kid doing this to be the reason you  quit coming so could she please explain to her old enough to understand child that it is not nice to do this and maybe help you keep an eye on the situation.

JenniC1135

Do you know the other mom well enough to discuss it with her?  Or is she a new friend too?  That would influence my response.

Jodi&Joe

This is just the beginning of a life filled with these situations. . I wouldn't say a word, to the child or the mom, unless he starts hurting your child physically.

Yesterday at the park, there were some older kids teasing Joey and Cam.  Joey and Cam started calling them "poopyheads" (nice, huh?) and as much as I wanted to step in and defuse the situation, I let it play it.  They eventually got sick of each other and went their own ways.  Joey and Cam need to learn, on their own, how to handle those situations.  I won't always be around to "talk to mommy" about it -- nor do I want to be.

UBMyBaby

I would talk to the mom first if you can and explain.  I would also be sure to correct the boy when the mom isn't around, and then I would also talk to your DS and explain to him why the boy should not be acting that way and that it is unacceptable.  I always worry that even if my child's feelings aren't hurt (because they just don't understand yet) that they'll see that behavior and think it's normal to act that way.   That mother needs to reign in her kid for sure. 

FWIW, last week at the play area, a little girl came up and tried with all her might to steal my DD's bunny, which scared the daylights out of her.  (See my avatar.)  Then while I am trying to diffuse that, a little boy came up out of nowhere and shoved my 19 month old son.  My DS didn't care one bit, but I am with you...mama bear got very alert and I felt bad for my DS.

Hope it subsides soon so you can all enjoy the group!

Brewster

UBMyBaby:

I would talk to the mom first if you can and explain.  I would also be sure to correct the boy when the mom isn't around, and then I would also talk to your DS and explain to him why the boy should not be acting that way and that it is unacceptable.  I always worry that even if my child's feelings aren't hurt (because they just don't understand yet) that they'll see that behavior and think it's normal to act that way.

Hope it subsides soon so you can all enjoy the group!

That is a huge part of it too. I don't want him to think it is ok to 1. be treated that way and 2. treat someone else that way.  It's not.  

The mom is a new friend.  I think I could say something without hurting feelings.  She seems pretty open.  

Jodi-I totally hear you.  I am just not sure if Noah is old enough/mature enough for me to not step in at this point.   

wellfleet04

I have a similar issue going on.  Kate is in a playgroup where most of the kids are 2.5-3, but there is one 4 year old (older brother of one of the 2.5 year olds) who comes sometimes.  He is forever bossing Kate and doing stuff like telling her she is "in jail" and marching her across the room and telling her she can't come play with everyone else. 

 His mom saw it happening and didn't correct it, so I just spoke directly to Kate, not the boy.  I said, "Kate, you don't need to stay there if you don't want to.  You can decide what you do and who you play with, not Matthew."  

I personally would speak to his mom, and say you understand that kids need to work it out on their own, etc, but you'd like her to just watch her son a little closer in regards to Noah and step in a little sooner since the age difference is there. 

Bellisimo

I'd make it clear to the kid that he's not to pick on ANYone...especially my child....and I'd also make it clear to him that I was going to make sure that his mother knew about his behavior.  I have ZERO problems correcting other people's kids' behavior if they're not watching and correcting their own child(ren).  I'd also teach DS to stick up for himself and to let me know if kids are picking on him.  I've only ever had this problem at public playgrounds and play areas in restaurants where their parents are nowhere to be found or are chatting with a friend and not watching their kids at all!  It sends me!

krub

4 y/o's are somewhat reasonable.  So, I'd have a conversation with the child.  Acknowledge that your DS isn't as big as he is, but that he still needs to be nice to everyone and that your DS is big enough to play with him.  i wouldn't take it personally, 4 y/o's are often just acting out what they hear or trying "things" to see what happens.  They like to test boundaries still, so you need to let him know where the boundaries are, in a nice way. 

hopefulmom

I agree with asned.  It will be doing her a favor because when he gets to elementary school there will be kids bigger than he is!