Working moms - how do you handle this?

mamarazzi

DS1 is sick.  He hasn't eaten since lunch yesterday.  Every time he tries to eat or drink he cries out in pain, complaining about his ear.  He has a low-grade temp and is lethargic, sounds raspy and is congested.  It's been getting progressively worse since Saturday, so I'm taking him in to the doctor.

I called my boss to tell her I wouldn't be in.  Until recently I'd never missed a day of work in the 2.5 years I've been there.  Granted, I've had to take off for DS2's issues, but based on my track record and her having three kids herself, I thought she'd be understanding.

No.

She was all exasperated and said "well, I had...one, two, three, four, FIVE things I wanted to go over with you today.  (heavy sigh)"

Then she asked me what I was working on.  Um, I don't know?  I leave my work at work.  I told her I'd look at my calendar and email her if there was anything urgent.  "(heavy sigh)."

Am I really supposed to feel guilty about missing work because my sick child needs me?  I wanted to tell her to stick it in her a$$, but I refrained.

How do you deal with a boss who isn't understanding?

KoriBrett

I do what I need to for my family, I try to do it quickly if possible, and I suck up a lot when I get back.  It sucks, horribly.  I'm sorry.

katie277s

My thinking is that family comes first.  I am surprised to hear she has kids, because in my experience, it seems that the people who DON"T have kids just don't get it.  Don't feel guilty.  Your child needs you.  Work can wait. 

camrude

Sorry you are dealing with this. I'm so lucky to have had bosses that understand. No I don't think you should feel bad. If you have sick time/PTO, this is what it is for.

Is she stressed out in general? Just from what you wrote, it sounds like she may be and she put some of that on you.

Hope he feels better soon! BTW - love the new siggys! The top pic is ADORABLE.

RCH151

that's so rude of her!  I've not run into this problem myself but I'm thinking your boss is only thinking about herself and what she has to get done which may be dependent on what you get done. 

 Are you still thinking of leaving this job?  This kind of thing might push me over the edge.   

kmrvsade

I've never had to deal with such BS - and I'm sorry you have to.

 

I've always made it pretty clear to people that my family and my life come long before my job.  I work hard while here and when I go home, I'm home.  Nothing I do (work wise) is important enough to warrant trumping my family.

 

I'd probably want to talk to her about it when I returned.  Maybe she just had a crappy day and took it out on you?

KellyGreen

Do you work very part time, like 2 or 3 days per week?

It's tough - my boss is super understanding sometimes, and not so much the others, it depends on what she's dealing with personally at work.

She made it clear that she feels it's not just the mom's job to stay home with sick kids, that dads should too, sometimes.

mamarazzi

KellyGreen:

Do you work very part time, like 2 or 3 days per week?

It's tough - my boss is super understanding sometimes, and not so much the others, it depends on what she's dealing with personally at work.

She made it clear that she feels it's not just the mom's job to stay home with sick kids, that dads should too, sometimes.

I do work part-time -- 2.5 days per week.  H could stay home, but he goes to work before the kids are even up, so unless we know ahead of time, it really isn't feasible for him to stay home because he'd have to leave his daily meeting, rush home and I'd still be late to work by the time we realized we had a sick kid.  Plus, frankly, his job pays the bills.  We could make it work without mine, so we're not willing to risk his.

It just annoys me because I have to be super-flexible -- and therefore find super-flexible childcare for her and then she gets annoyed with me for having a sick child.  Ugh.

EliseB0323

It's frustrating for everyone. You need to stay home with your kid, but your boss needs you to work. I think you need to compromise with your boss. When DS is napping, or playing quietly, or watching TV or whatever, call her and see what she wants to go over with you. Update her on what you are doing. See if there's some things you can work on at home either during the day when/if DS doesn't need you or this evening when you husband is home and can keep and eye on DS.

It sucks that she's not understanding, but you need to show that you are doing the best you can to take care of your family AND do your job. "Um, I don't know" isn't a professional answer when she asks what you are working on. You may leave your work at work, but if you aren't there, someone else has to know what you are doing if they need to fill in.

lilpiglet

My boss is like this... however she doesn't have kids and doens't understand...

Like you I rarely ever miss work... My family comes first though adn i just deal with her crap when i get back and I make sure that she knows my family will always come first.. I let my work at work so dont bother to call me at home, because i'm not asnwering your questions!!!

Don't feel guilty, it's just a job... your child is your child...

Temp108743750006959

KoriBrett:

I do what I need to for my family, I try to do it quickly if possible, and I suck up a lot when I get back.  It sucks, horribly.  I'm sorry.

 

i'd say something along these lines and leave the guilt behind