DH doesn't handle the kids well...at all. :(

Carson39

Both of the kids, escpecially the 4 year old, are very well behaved.  When he is misbehaving I know how to get him to straighten up just by talking it out with him or the occasional time out.  I pick my battles which DH doesn't have a clue how to do.

I had to go to do something yesterday for about five hours and left DH alone with the kids.  He couldn't handle it.  DS just told me this morning that Daddy wouldn't let him zip up his own coat so he shut him in his room for a few minutes. DS said that he was crying.  DH grew up in a military household and when his parents told him to do something he did it right then, no questions.  We've had many talks about NOT having a house like that.  But, that's all he knows and I can't figure out how to get him to work on it.  

Because of DH's work schedule, I'm with the kids a lot by myself for sometimes 2-3 days at a time. So, when DH comes home and starts asking/telling them to do/not do things that are usually not a problem the kids go haywire. I keep telling him he has to mold into our life here at home and that he can't come house and change how everything works just because he is home.  He just wants them to listen to him also.  But, the things that he tells them to do/not do never make sense.  It seems like he can make a new rule up about something JUST to have a rule about it for something to pick on DS about.

I don't know what to do. Counseling? Books to read? A very long talk? How in the world do I help him get some patience with our children?? 

thanks

carson 

 

 

neesernicole

This has to be so hard.  There's got to be some good books out there but I think it's really hard to "teach" parenting.  Maybe if he had the kids in smaller doses ... either 1 on 1 or for shorter periods of time?  Part of it could be confidence.  One good outing together could build the confidence that he can do this and deal with "kids being kids" better.

Amanda&Chris

MH also is almost never home and while we both lean towards being strict, he definitely doesn't know when to pick his battles.  He also likes to have rules and say "no, you can't" a lot more than I do.

We are far from having this issue solved, but  some things that have worked for us...

1.  We agreed to be consistent.  We don't want set ourselves up for a situation where the kids will play us off of each other because we let them do different things.  Since we both agree on that 100%, MH is *usually* receptive if I jump in and tell him that I let the kids do something that he is telling them they can't.  He wants to know what my rules are at home so he can enforce them and he doesn't want to be inconsistent.

2.   When we are going through a period where we are having trouble with #1 we make a point of doing stuff all together as a family and MH takes a back seat to discipline and answering questions just to get an idea of how I'm handling things.  Especially with a toddler things change a lot so we have to reevaluate frequently.

3. If I have to be gone and leave MH alone with the kids, I give him a basic schedule and I also give him a heads up if I told DS he could/couldn't do something specific and if DD has had any behavior issues that he needs to watch out for.  After that, I just don't stress about what goes on when I'm not here.  I can't control things when I'm gone so I just don't try.  Easier said than done, I know, but it's all you can do.  And if one of the kids complains to me about something MH did I just say that when he's with them he's in charge. 

Good luck!