hello...for those moms with kids mady's age or older please let me know if this is more than just a tantrum.
mady is a great kid - behavior wise, emotionally, healthy...i have NEVER had a problem with her.
last week my nanny kept mentioning to me how mady was showing some character when things did not go her way. like she would whine or scream, i figured the tantrum stage was just kicking in.
this past weekend i was shocked to see the behavior my nanny was talking about. when she didn't get her way she would cry, scream, look straight at me and yell loudly. in public it was embarrassing because now i felt like "that mom" that everyone always looks at and usually says "wow can't believe she can't control her child". behind closed doors, dh & i were shocked to see our sweet little child act as a terror.
we implemented time outs - not the concept of sitting alone in time out but more so sitting with her in time out, kneeling down to her level, looking her straight in the eyes and saying "we do NOT scream in this house, and do NOT allow that behavior, when you would like to calm down you can interact with us again". we picked a corner of our house and have assigned that the time out location. i dont think she understands but the more we continue to try i feel the more she will get it.
i just called my nanny again and she mentioned that mady was acting that way again. i don't know what to do, should i call my pedi? i think she wants to talk so bad that she just frustrates herself since she can't....should i be worried this is more than a tantrum? what about a.d.d. should i be concerned about that?
this is really worrying me, sorry this is so long...and thx!
Re: more than just a tantrum?
I'm no expert at all but it does sounds like the tantrum stage... esp if you notice the behavior when she doesn't get what she wants. If she is reacting this way after you telling her no to something or not giving in she is showing she is angry with you and is testing you to see if you will give in when she's upset. I would continue what you are doing even if you are fustrated and embarrassed in public... she has to learn that NO means NO.
I also wouldn't worry about ADD or ADHD yet, she's too little (IMO) again I'm no expert but thats what i think!
this phase is no fun at all
Kendall's not that age yet - but she is definitely beginning to let us know when she is unhappy with not getting her way. She has a snack cup - and when we try to take it away (because she is done or we are trying to buckle her into her seat) you would think we were hurting her.
Like you have said - I really think it is just them expressing in their own way how they feel. Unfortunately if they don't have the words, this may be the way they are letting us know. In my opinion, it is just a phase and it will pass with time. It's crazy how it all happens so suddenly after they turn one, though!
Its normal. She is testing her boundaries. She knows what she wants and how she wants it and cannot express it. It gets worse when what she wants is against the rules (in Sophia's case).
How do you deal with it? Be consistent with your rules and regs. Always so NO when its NO. Don't deviate. Its hard when they start this because you feel you are saying NO all of the time so pick your battles. Baby proof. Make sure she has rooms in your house where she has free reign and can touch and play with most things. Distraction works with Sophia...sometimes...but she has a long memory and will get upset if she sees the thing she wants but cannot have again (i.e. chapstick, snacks before dinner, a ball she bounced too hard and got taken away, etc...)
ITS NORMAL. I know thats scary but now is when it gets hard. You need to be strong, consistent, and start teaching her what is acceptable and what is not.
yes, phases come and go.
thank you mel for your input!
its frustrating, this all just came about within 1 week out of no where. i know time outs is not something she will catch on to so quickly, but its worth a try. dh doesnt think she is ready for time outs at all. like you said this usually is somethings she does when things get taken away from her or when she can't be in a certain place (like the kitchen when im cooking) etc...it just worries me more bc my dh had add as a child and my mil said he used medication for it too
This came out of nowhere for us. Timeout did not work for Sophie at that age. She did not get it. What worked was taking away things when she behaved this way or ignoring the tantrum if it was for something silly. I would seriously just walk out of the room and leave her stomping on the floor or whatever. Sophie has what I call the flashdance move. Her arms go in the air and she marches her feet really fast like Jennifer Beal in Flashdance. ;-)
You have to find the humor in it. They all do it. They have not quite learned the concept that do not get everything they want.
Its only a phase if you don't treat it like one. Don't give in and hope she will grow out of it because then she won't.
how long did sophie do this for? ive tried ignoring her, but she follows me sometimes and pulls on me for attention. what things would you take away? earlier bed time? no tv? certain toy?
Sophie is still doing it. Not as much and not as frequently but she still gets very upset when things don't go her way. Its not going to just turn off. Bedtime and TV - they are too young to realize. You have to react in the moment. Take away the toy they are screaming about. Remove them from the situation. Talk to her. She may not get it right away but after enough repition she will get it. Sophie recently started apologizing when she gets "the look" from me when she acts a certain way. The look stops her in her tracks and she reacts with a quick, "I sorry, Mama." But I have to catch her before the tantrum is in full effect.
I am on her like white on rice, though. She is a tough, strong willed kid. DURA!!! I cannot give her an inch so I am very strict. I am hoping it pays off. LOL.
You will learn the best way to handle the situations as they arise. It just takes a little practice...once you get over the shock that your little angel is starting to throw tantrums. ;-)
thank you soooo much! i plan to keep on removing her from the situation and talking to her at eye level as i have! you're the best
seriously! and when its done to you in public its twice as bad! on saturday we were having lunch and she wanted to get out of her high chair at ruby tuesdays...i kept telling her "no, not now" and she got frustrated looked straight at me and yelled so loudly i swore my ear drums popped...someone traded my child i tell ya!
I was just thinking yesterday that this is definitely the most trying stage yet of motherhood - this age. It's really hard b/c I know that she can't communicate yet and gets frustrated. I do think that Alexis does it for attention - whether good or bad, so the best thing to do is ignore it. When we're out in public, distraction is the best weapon - snack, water, toy, etc. But also I think that its unreasonable for us to expect them to sit quietly in a restaurant for an hour or more at this age, so if we're finishing up and she starts getting squirmy, I (or DH) will take her for a walk to get some of the energy out. Sometimes, as much as I want to be consistent, I also want to be conscious of the people around me, who did not go out to dinner to listen to a high pitched scream so I do take her out of her high chair to stop the screaming. Home is another story - I deal with the screams b/c I don't want her to think that's an acceptable way to act.
Her newest thing is sitting down, as my parents say "staging a sit in". When she doesn't want to be picked up or moved in any way, she sits. She did it at Ikea this weekend - she was out of the stroller playing in the kids section and when we were ready to leave she kept sitting down while we were walking and holding her hand. So my mom picked her up and she screamed but that was the only way to enforce our wishes.