2nd Trimester

I really just need support right now...

I really hate to bring everyone down today. If you don't want to be brought down don't even bother reading this.

 

I guess to start, I'm 19 and my husband is 18. I got pregnant in March, and at the time, my husband couldn't stop talking about how excited he was for this baby. I could not have been more thrilled about anything. Since then, we've moved into a loft, I've begun working full time, and we've been preparing.

Last week, my husband went home to Michigan from our home in Pennsylvania to visit friends and family. He's been gone for about 4 days. I've been at work for my 8am to midnight shift, as I am every Saturday and Sunday, when I received a phone call from him. Basically, he has decided that he is not ready for this baby. He will not be coming home, and he is leaving me. I've been a mess, obviously. I'm still here at work, waiting for a ride home.

All I'm asking for, really, is just some support. Something. I feel so alone. All I can think about is my daughter, and how she will grow up without her father. I'm scared for that. I don't ever want her to feel unwanted or unloved. I love her more than anything. I'm unsure of what kind of support I'm looking for, I just don't know who to talk to.

On another note, I hope that everything is well for all of you ladies. I guess this experience, no matter how fresh, is making me realize how amazing the journey we are all on truly is. My husband told me how selfish I am for not realizing sooner that he couldn't do this, but really, what we are all doing is the most unselfish thing anyone could do. I have nothing but respect for all of you women, and wish you absolutely the best of luck on your journey.

Re: I really just need support right now...

  • I would say for right now, you need to find a support system.  Do YOU have family in PA?  Are there any programs for young single moms to be in your area?  You will have to be strong right now and in the future for your daughter.  Hopefully his family will talk some sense into him.  When did you get married?  Are they supportive of the marriage & pregnancy?  Good luck.  I wish you the best.
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  • I am so sorry unfortunately you can't make him be a father if he doesn't want to be one but he will however have to pay child support!  Just keep your chin up and remember its his loss!
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  • I don't know if you are religious at all but I will be praying for you and baby. Sadly some men (especially 18 yrs old) don't understand the responsibility that comes with parenthood. Hopefully he will snap out of it and realize what he'll be missing. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to contact me!
  • You are in no way shape or form selfish!  I am so sorry your DH did that to you!  Obviously he's freaking out and you are freaking out but at least you aren't running away.  If you can I would move near family and/ or friends (unless you already live near there).  This experience is supposed to be one of the best of your life and hopefully it will still be for you.  Sending you thoughts and prayers and hugs!  And even if your Dh can't do this YOU will do awesome!
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  • I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I really hope he changes his mind and at least gives it a shot. Not sure why he is calling you selfish for not realizing his inner feelings.  Unless daily he was telling you to give the kid up and he wasn't ready for this, that would be the only way for him to have a leg to stand on when making that sort of statement.

    Are you in center city? Are you from this area?  Is there family you can reach out to?

      I'm not far from Philly if you need someone to meet for ice cream (since we can't drink coffee). 

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  • Hugs. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this.  Guys have a different way of dealing with pregnancy and the expansion of the family.  I know it hurts but you can get through this.  You are stronger than you think.  Hugs. 
  • What a turd--no better yet a coward.  He needs to come back eventually to get his sh*t, have it "packed" and ready in trash bags for him. Change your locks, call a laywer start the paperwork asap--do some major damage.  Go get an account w/just your name on it and take the money.  Support yourself and get you and baby prepared for the best.  

    ok now really do you think he is scared and overwhelmed? things are just stressed and hetic?  Is he ever been like this before? Where is your family/support?  Big hugs, it will get better somehow.

  • Hang in there, girl, there are plenty of single moms out there who do an amazing job raising their children.  Do you have family near you? If you don't, it may be time for a move.  The separation/divorce from your husband will be MUCH easier if you have your family to support you.  If you don't have any family, then good friends are almost just as good.  Just remember to do what's best for your LO, they're the most important thing.  I think you are better off now, any man who will leave his pregnant wife is no man IMHO.  Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, and you can't force it to happen.  There are tons more responsible, deserving men out there so don't give up hope of finding love again.  Good luck, and keep your chin up.  Everything happens for a reason, as cliche as it is!
  • T&P, I am so sorry that this has happened to you and I will be thinking of you!
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  • My heart goes out to you. I do hope you have supportive friends or family close by. I, too, think that a church could be a great place to look for this support.
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  • I am so sorry to hear your story.  The optimist in me says that maybe he is just scared and isn't really thinking about what he is saying.  He may also have friends and family members that are putting ideas in to his head.  Maybe if you give him a little space he will come around on his own.  In the meantime it is important that you continue to take care of yourself and as a lot of previous posters have noted, find out who you can count on for support. 

     Good luck to you and don't let this guy get you down. 

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  • Wow this is a really hard situation. Your DH is completely selfish for leaving you and the baby. I know he's only 18, but seriously grow up, man. I hope you find some local support from friends and family to help you through this.
  • Hi there! Im so sorry for what you are going through! As everyone else has mentioned you need your own support system does your family live by you or are you from Michigan too? you sound like an incredibly strong person hang in there and things will be ok. men definately have a different way of dealing with stress. we tend to just cry talk to our friends and truck on with what is stressing us, men tend to run away. thinking it is the only solution thats not to say he is not going to realize he is making a mistake and you may be able to work it out, but if not find comfort in your family and those close to you are going to be a wonderful mom! hang in there!
  • Well first, I think that it was totally lame for your H to leave you high and dry like that. You better make him beg for it if he comes back around. My parents got married/pregnant young and my dad ditched out for a while because he was scared. He came back before I was very old >1y, and him and my mom have been married since. Probably your H got back with his friends and family and realized his life is changing big time. Can you haul your pregnant butt up there and slap him? Marriage is a lifetime commitment (as is having a babe of course), he should not put your relationship out so fast. Either way, you're going to be a great GREAT mommy and if he's gonna act like that you should tell him you already have one child to raise.
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  • Hi ladies. Thank you so much for all of your support. My family and I are from Pennsylvania, so I have my family and friends here. It is just extremely difficult. I know it will all fall into place, as that is life, but I want you all to know how every single response to my post has brought a smile to my face. You are all such amazing, beautiful women. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
  • I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish I had some words of advice for you but I really don't. I know there are lots of women out there in your situation though so hopefully you can find some to help you through this difficult time. Hang in there!
  • How terrible. I can't believe he tried to make it almost your fault by saying you didn't notice that he wasn't ready. Only he knows his inner feelings. Like a pp said, you can still get child support out of him and possibly alimony as well.

    He most likely got around all his family and friends and realized that he's going to have to grow up fast.

    I'm glad you have your family right around you. Stay strong!!!

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  • Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. As everyone told you, and I'm sure you know, you are not being selfish. What are his friends and family saying about this? If any son of mine tried to pull this sh!t he'd be disowned and all of my time/resources would be going to his wife and child.

    I do hope that he comes to his senses and grows up before the baby arrives, but in the meantime - do you have any support where you are now? I think it will be crucial that you are near friends or family so that you have some help. You can do this! Stick around here, the ladies can be a great social support. Good luck :)

    Edit: Saw that your family is near you. That's great! I'm glad to hear it :)

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  • I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now.  Stay strong.
  • wow, I am so sorry that you are in this situation.  I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I can tell you that you can do this.  You are alot stronger than you think.  You and your little girl will be just fine, but you can't do this alone.  Call on your friends and family right now.  They will give you the support that you need.  Take care of yourself and your little one.

     

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    9 angels in heaven-3 in my arms and 1 in the NICU                                                                                                                                    
    Mono/di twin girls: Josephine born to heaven and Evangeline born Earthside at 25w

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  • Like everyone is saying, your not being selfish at all. My sister went through something quite similar, except, he decided to beat her because he didn't want to be a dad. I know it's hard, but you have to look at it that he left before the baby is born. You do not need him in your life, you need as much support as you can get. Hopefully your family can help you out after your maternity leave with assistance. You will get through it, it's gonna be hard but I promise you, it always works out! Good luck...
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  • wow he isn't good enough for you if he is that big of a coward. We can be as supporitve as you need us to be, but I hope you ahve some family and friends around you that can also be supportive.
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  • I am so sorry to hear this, he is the selfish one.  That is so immature and not the job of a husband, let alone a father, which he already is.  I am sorry you have to go through this.  I give you credit for how hard you are working and that you will be there for your baby.  I know you worry that your daughter will not have a father, but if he's going to act this way she will be better off without him.  I wish you strength.  If you need us we are here for you!  HUGS!
  • Sending you a PM...
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