Moms of 2 or more - will I get out of this funk?

misses625

I'm supposed to be induced tomorrow, and for the past couple of days I've started feeling a little resentment towards this baby for two reasons.  First, I wanted her to come on her own.  Second, I feel guilty for my son that he might feel replaced, neglected, etc.  He's going to stay at Mommom's for the night when I have the baby, and I know I'm going to miss him.  All I keep thinking is that today is our last chance to do anything as a family of 3, and it makes me really sad for some reason.  I don't know why I'm not more excited to have my baby tomorrow.  Why do I feel this way?

W&J'sMommy

I kind of felt like that before I had DD.  I just kept reminding myself what a positive it would be for DS to have a sibling.  And truly, it has been great.  All the things I hoped for them (to play together, love each other, bond) happened and I am SO glad that they will always have each other.

Just keep looking at the positive side of it!

shopgirl78

GL with the induction!  Hope you don't need it.

It only took bringing DS home from the hospital and I knew he was meant to be.   DD adores, heck they adore each other.    DS wants to do everything his sister does and she always been so caring for him.  She always looks out for him.  I can't imagine their lives without each other.     

It's probably the fear of the unknown which is normal...if the meant to be feeling doesn't happen right away, the first time your children interact...your heart will melt and then you will know...

GettinNervous

I felt really bad for my son when DD was born. He was only 16 months old. When I was on maternity leave, I felt as if it was more for him than her! She was NOT a good sleeper and he wasn't STTN yet, so it was a really trying time. I understand the resentment part. Now that she's older, I feel bad for thinking that way. But when you have hormones all over the place and are sleep deprived, that's how you think.

So . . . don't feel guilty about your feelings. All you can do is include DS in things and make sure he feels important. Maybe someone can help you with DD after she gets home so you can spend some time with DS?

Susie2005

It will get better, I promise.  I had all of the same feelings.  Had a scheduled CS with DD becaese my VBAC attempt never happened by the deadline we set.  DS loves his littlle sister!.  We are a happy famiy of four now.

Hang in ther and enjoy today with your son.  Good luck with everything.

capemom

I felt exactly the same way. ?I was so sad that the baby would be intruding on all of the time that DS and I spend together, and then I felt bad for feeling that way about my new baby. ?I had also never been away from DS overnight and was really unhappy about having to stay in the hospital. ?

Things have been so much better than I had ever anticipated! ?DS adores his little sister and had practically no issues adjusting. ?He did really well staying with my mom (she stayed at our house) and still asks her if she wants to sleep over again. ?We don't have as much one-on-one time now, but I do try to make a point to do "big kid" stuff with him when the baby is napping.

I think what you are feeling is very common and totally normal. ?Good luck with your induction! ??

monchichi

GettinNervous:

I felt really bad for my son when DD was born. He was only 16 months old. When I was on maternity leave, I felt as if it was more for him than her! She was NOT a good sleeper and he wasn't STTN yet, so it was a really trying time. I understand the resentment part. Now that she's older, I feel bad for thinking that way. But when you have hormones all over the place and are sleep deprived, that's how you think.

So . . . don't feel guilty about your feelings. All you can do is include DS in things and make sure he feels important. Maybe someone can help you with DD after she gets home so you can spend some time with DS?

I felt this way too.  My DS wasn't even 14 months old when DD was born.  They are really enjoying each other a lot right now! 

brideonoct1

First--congrats on your upcoming birth!

I could have written this exact post. All of your feelings are totally normal. You WILL adjust and you will wonder "what was I worried about?"

My boys are 18 months apart and are becoming best friends (2.5 years and 13 months).

You will get out of the funk and you will love being a mom of two. Even if it takes a while to get there.

Good luck!

jorie

Ditto everyone else.  It's totally normal to feel that way.  For me, it wasn't so much before the birth, but the first few weeks/months afterwards.  I just felt really bad that I couldn't do everything for DD that I had before.  My hands were tied with a newborn.  She became very attached to her daddy, which was a good bonding experience for them.  And as DD2 got older, things got so much easier, and now I honestly feel like DD2 was the best thing that happened to DD1...they're best friends.

Bellisimo

I think I felt that way the entire second half of my pregnancy.  I started overindulging DS for some reason...I guess to compensate for the fact that he was about to not be our one and only anymore.  However, he was completely fine staying with the grandparents the night before I went in for my C.  He came up to the hospital after school the afternoon she was born and the sheer joy and excitement that he exhibited when they wheeled his baby sister into my room was PRICELESS!  You might be surprised....he may not feel neglected, replaced or whatever.  All kids are different, but my DS hasn't been phased in the least by her presence.  If anything, it's added a whole new element of fun, joy, love and happiness to his little life.  He absolutely adores her and I absolute adore them both!  You'll see...it's gonna be great!  And don't worry about being induced.  My induction was the bomb!  GL and best wishes!!!

scullyhoyy

I too had some strange feelings about how things were going to go with #1 when #2 got here. It's been a learning process for the last 8 days, hasn't been easy for us. I totally think your being normal for having these feelings. Good Luck Tomorrow!

GrowingFamily

What you are feeling it VERY normal.  I felt some guilt with each consecutive child/ pg.  It goes away, though.  Now, when I look at my kids interacting with each other & see the way our 3 older kids fall all over our 10 month old, it lets me know we made the right choice to have a big family.

As far as the induction, I don't know your circumstances, but are you able to postpone it a little so that you get more of a chance for her to come on her own?  Our first child was born 2 days after his EDD.  Our 2nd child was born 11 days after her EDD.  Our 3rd was born 3 days before her EDD & our 4th was born 8 days after his EDD.  If you want your baby to "come on her own"  I would give mother nature more of a chance.  There's a reason pregnancies typically last 40wks- that baby is still cooking!! Like I said, I don't know your medical circumstances, but I personally would NEVER get induced before 40wks.  Never, unless it was medically necessary for the health of me or my baby.  GL!!