MIL Help Please?

Alyssajoy87

DH and I helped my BIL move into his new house today and my ILs were there too. (I should say, I love my ILs- they're so nice and very considerate people which is why this was so shocking to me.)

MIL and I got to talking about exercise equipment that I wanted to get for after the baby is born and she commented about how I'm "packing on the pounds now." (I've put on a few pounds since I got my BFP but I'm still within the healthy weight-gain range.) I was hurt and shocked that she said that so I didn't comment on it (because I felt like it would be rude and because I knew that she didn't mean it to be hurtful).

Well, I was pretty upset about it but didn't say anything to DH until we had left BIL's house and were on our way home. DH got mad when I told him what his mother had said to me and sent his mother a text asking why she would say that to me.

She responded to him that she hadn't said that to me and said that she felt bad (she thought I had misunderstood something she said). She was apologetic, but I'm really concerned about how this is going to affect my relationship with her. DH and I are both very close to our parents and although I'm very grateful that he stood up for me and took his mother to task about it, I'm worried that she will resent me for this, especially because I wasn't the one that said something about it to her.

I know that I'm probably over-thinking this, but given that they live so close to us (less than 10 minutes away), it's important to me that we maintain a good relationship with them. How would you ladies handle this going forward?

murfygirl

I think your best bet from here on out would be to just drop it. Next time you see her act like nothing ever happened it might get blown out of proportion if you try and make it better. Ah women gotta love us LOL

Tonya_G

This is why I'm a big fan of dealing with conflict right away- if someone says something to me that I take offense to, I'm going to call them out on it (tactfully, if possible!). I don't get why she told him she didn't say that- why lie? If you deal with it right away though, if it was a misunderstanding, then, it only goes as far as you and MIL, and DH is none the wiser.

TUSBride22

I understand what you mean about not wanting it to hurt your relationship.  Honestly, I think that if you don't want it to be a big deal, then don't make a big deal out of it.  I wouldn't bring it up unless she does.  But be prepared for her to do so... And if she does, say something like, "I know you didn't mean anything by it, it just took me a little by surprise, and I'm kind of sensitive about how I look right now".  Just be honest.

Alyssajoy87

Tonya_G:

This is why I'm a big fan of dealing with conflict right away- if someone says something to me that I take offense to, I'm going to call them out on it (tactfully, if possible!). I don't get why she told him she didn't say that- why lie? If you deal with it right away though, if it was a misunderstanding, then, it only goes as far as you and MIL, and DH is none the wiser.

In retrospect, I should've said something to her about it, but I think I was just so taken aback that she would say what she did that I didn't respond!

As for the issue of lying about it, I think she just doesn't remember saying it. I know what she said (kind of hard to forget a comment like that), but it was just a passing comment in an entire conversation so I really don't think she is trying to pass it off like she didn't say anything wrong, especially since she was apologetic about being hurtful.

ILUVChiTown

I would probably just drop it.

serrill2

She sounds great in every other way, I think she should get a pass on this insensitive comment, because the good outweighs the negative and this is not indicitive of her behavior usually.   As far as not remembering, my Mom does that crap all the time, even when I mention it right after she says it lol.   She will actually argue with me!   Anyway, glad you have a mostly wonderful MIL lol.