For some laughs ladies (updated)

kaydee_2008 · August 2009

My mom sent me this email today.

"The Middle Wife"

By: an Anonymous 2nd Grade teacher.

I've been teaching now for about 15 years. I have 2 kids of my own, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own 2nd grade classroom a few years back.

When i was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never place any boundries or limitations on them. I they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant, "this is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday"

"First, mom and dad made him as a symbol of their love, and dad put a seed in my mom's stomach, and luke grew in there. He ate for 9 months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and i'm trying not to laugh wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about 2 saturdays ago, my mom starts saying and going, "OH, OH, OH, OH!" Erica puts her hand behind her back and groas. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, OH OH OH!" (Now the kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning)

"My dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesnt have a sign on her car like the Domino's man. They got my mom to lie down on the bed like this. (Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

"And then POP! My mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like PSSSHHHEW! (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was to much!)

"Then the middle wife starts saying "push push" and "breathe breathe." They started counting, but they never made it past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my little brother. He was covered in all this yucky stuff they said it was from mom's play-center (placenta) so there must be alot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there."

Then Erica stood, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure i applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it is show-and-tell day i bring my camcorder, just in case another middle wife comes along.