Friends that are SAHMs

WendyK

Hi all, first of all this is not to be a blanket comment, I realize there are many SAHMs who are busy with their kids and home all day and see it is a job. Most of my friends are SAHMs. They will make comments to me like, wow it must be nice to have adult time, my life is to tough. I would totally respect these comments if they came from a SAHM who did not have their lifestyles. They constantly comment to me about the hours, yes hours, they spend at the gym daily, the days they spend shopping a week or their "wine time."  oh yeah the last point their kids go to DC a few days a week. I realize we all need to let off steam but please don't preach to me how your day is so rough and you wish you had my life. In the same breath they say that they will make comments regarding how if they work they would not be raising their child, etc.  I have to work from 9-5, then come home and clean, make dinner, etc. I could be a SAHM but I love my job, I just wish I had more friends that understood.  No I don' t have a housekeeper like you...Ok vent over!!

Bella427

Ooh, that would piss me off too.  Most of my friends are SAHMs but they don't have housekeepers, daycare, etc.  And for the most part, work isn't a break!

WendyK

Bella I have put up with it for a long time and I just don't even want to talk to them anymore. I wish I had friends who understood that I am very busy at work and would kill to have time to go to the gym, or shopping or have girl time.

Pesky

Umm, after the choice comments I would instinctively utter after hearing crap like that, we probably wouldn't be friends any more...

EastCoastBride

Stop beign nice.  When they make comments about "if I worked, I wouldn't be raising my child", stop and look at them and go "you did not seriously just say that to me?"

Esp if this is one of the friends who actually sends their kid to daycare!  I'd add on "if you think I'm not raising my child, then who exactly is raising your child while you're at the gym, going shopping, or having wine time?". 

Call them on it!!

I'll add this, though.  I personally think women who say stuff like that - somewhere in themselves they are not happy or comfortable w/ their situation.  If the person saying to you that they wouldn't be raising their kid is the same person who sends their kid to DC - then in their GUT, they feel guilty but are TRYING to justify themselves by making YOU out to be the bad guy since you work.

katydid2007

You need new friends, Wendy. Not only would these women annoy the hell out of me, but I'm pretty sure my SAHM friends would beat the crap out of them. 

WendyK

I think the things that freaks me out is it is not one friend but 3-4 of my friends. I just don't get it. I have SAHM and working mom friends from back home and they are all great, laid back. This group, ahh!! I keep trying to meet other "moms" and no luck.My social life stinks!

nmr79

  That sucks.  I have three friends due around the same time as I am.  I'm the only one planning to go back to work full time.  They have made comments about how it's so much harder to be a SAHM with all of the housework, laundry, etc.  Hello!  I will still have all of that to worry about, plus a 10 hour day of work to squeeze in!  I'm not upset about going back to work, but I cringe when SAHMs make insensitive comments. 

  On a side note-  how do you like your name?  Wendy is on our short list for names, DH and I both love it. 

WendyK

I love it, especially since I know the basis of it!

tosababy

WendyK:

I think the things that freaks me out is it is not one friend but 3-4 of my friends. I just don't get it. I have SAHM and working mom friends from back home and they are all great, laid back. This group, ahh!! I keep trying to meet other "moms" and no luck.My social life stinks!

It sounds like you fell in with a bad crowd where you live now.  Dump 'em and try again.  I know it's hard to make new friends, but there's no reason to put up with stupid junk like that either. 

14years

katydid2007:

You need new friends, Wendy. Not only would these women annoy the hell out of me, but I'm pretty sure my SAHM friends would beat the crap out of them. 

This.  One of my best friends is a SAHM of twins, and I can only imagine the eye-rolling these comments would get from her.

How annoying!

AlisaS

Remember, it is all good and well until that 50% divorce rate catches up with them.

Why dond't you just tell them it does sound like their lives are pretty crappy and then shut your mouth and see what they say.

 

marciabeth

 

"I'll add this, though.  I personally think women who say stuff like that - somewhere in themselves they are not happy or comfortable w/ their situation.  If the person saying to you that they wouldn't be raising their kid is the same person who sends their kid to DC - then in their GUT, they feel guilty but are TRYING to justify themselves by making YOU out to be the bad guy since you work. "

I completely agree-- personally, I've felt vibes of jealousy from SOME stay at home moms and I think comments like this are how they mask it. Think about it: you're able to juggle motherhood and a career while they can't even manage one (at least those who are using DC every week!) Besides that, I (and you and all other working moms) have professional lives that are interesting and unique and make us important to the world outside of our children. And my daughters look to me as a role model, I'm making society a better place! When you look at it from that perspective, of course they're being snotty to you-- they envy you and the life you live.

AlisaS

:::::runs to pop popcorn::::

WendyK

I totally believe they are many sahm who work very hard at home. Many of them never receive thanks for a hard job. I think my group of friends just does not happen to be in that group. One's dh is about to lose her job while she still lives it up DAILY with his credit card and then calls me to complain that he wants her to look for a job. I am just not used to being around these kind of people.

Halo79RN

katydid2007:

You need new friends, Wendy. Not only would these women annoy the hell out of me, but I'm pretty sure my SAHM friends would beat the crap out of them. 

 

LOL! 

 

Now... when you sah and do your own housekeeping and cannot afford a gym (and the child care to go with it ) or a parttime dc situation... and you are with the child 24-7 and dh works long hours and almost every day and you have no family around or any kind of help whatsoever while you're living away with your post doc hubby... Yes, part time work is a DREAM!    I know. I work part time now.. but stayed home for about a year. These women sound a bit out of touch. tell 'em to get a job instead of go to the gym and see if it's a "break" for them.  

duchess0727

Next time they complain, just tell them you'd happily switch   Oh and a glass of wine always makes people like that seem more tolerable ... until you can find some people to hang out with!

kvwerne

ug how annoying!!! i have alot of sahm friends too. they update their facebook status with: going to the gym, going shopping with my little man, out to have some yummy lunch, blah blah. and then sometimes they complain about their babies (they cry too much, dont nap, etc etc). its old already.

WendyK

Thanks ladies! I think sometimes I am like enough already!!! I love working but 1.) don't put me down becuase I chose to work 2.) Yes, that is right I am choosing to work 3.) I don't care about your spa days, gym time, etc. 4.) doesn't SAHM mean you usually have your kids I don't know at home?

soccermom-to-be

I guess I have to ask why you are friends with them?  I would never remain friends with someone who disrespected my decisions/life nor would I want to be friends with someone whom I didn't respect.