Of course I would never say anything but....

adamsbabble

Do you ever get tired of giving and giving and giving for people who don't reciprocate?

I am in a wedding next year for someone who was a total PITA during my own wedding.  I went out of my way to find the best deals on dresses I liked (mostly off the rack and under $100) and she always said she couldn't afford any of them and never wanted anything to do with anything.  Now that she is engaged and planning her wedding, the world must stop spinning.  She writes emails explaining that she is trying to keep things affordable and will try to pick dresses that are no more than $150, makeup will be like $65 and hair around $50.  She also wrote in one email that if anyone couldn't afford to be in the wedding to let her know (in other words, they are out).  Then today I get an email from her MOH asking to let her know how much we can each contribute to the bachelorette weekend and to vote on what we would like to do, 3 out of 4 of the options are out-of-town overnight things.  Of course I know it costs money to be in a wedding, but isn't it funny how so often the people who expect you to put down hundreds of dollars of your own money and have to have the best of everything, are the often the ones who aren't willing to do it for anyone else? 

I ended up telling my girls to choose their own black knee length dresses, something they could wear again, mainly because of her.  I would never have wanted to kick her out of my wedding b/c money was tight for her.  I just wanted our wedding to be a celebration, not a burden for anyone.  She still made a point of telling me on my wedding day that she had to borrow money to buy her dress, and also chose not to join the rest of us in getting hair done.  She also didn't show up for any showers I've ever had, and even RSVP'd yes to both my baby shower and Ava's 1st birthday but then didn't show up.  She didn't give us a wedding gift.  By the time her wedding is over with I will have paid for my attire, hair, makeup, bachelorette party, bridal shower, shower gift and wedding gift and she paid a grand total of $30 for her BM dress for my wedding and didn't participate in anything besides actually showing up that day, which is what burns my a$$ more than the financial part of it.  She just doesn't give, but expects so much when it's her turn.  Arrrgh!

kel716

I hate that, and I know I have several stories like that one in my life!  I think I'd find ways to cut corners on the costs without making it obvious, like get your hair done so it matches but then do your own make up?  (maybe I'm nuts for thinking about skipping out on something like that...)  Or get a shower gift but not a wedding gift (who says you have to get both)?

What I have a harder time believing is that some of the other girls aren't also feeling the pinch...  it sounds like over $600 easily, which isn't exactly small change. 

 

adamsbabble

No, it's not small change, but it's really not even about the money, just the way that she would never have done this for me.  I'm not even kidding you, this girl always complains about the Christmas gift she gets, about friends not lending her money or paying her way for things, etc.

kyfirewife

Oh grr.

I have had friends like that in the past, although never any weddings involved. Just where you feel like you're always giving, and never getting anything in return.

I "broke up" with them.

shellbug79

I think I would opt out of being in the wedding & maybe not even go. ?Some "friends" are toxic & need to be gotten rid of & she sounds like one of them. ?From your post I'm not really sure why you two are still friends, I'm not trying to sound mean but do you think she only asked you to be in her wedding b/c she was in yours?

Michelle?

becca070707Ken

I know exactly how you feel. I have a friend very similar and it is something I just don't get. She was in my wedding and complained the whole time. If you can't afford it then politely decline. Dont' tell me you didn't get me anything b/c you want to get me a nice gift we really want and then never do. Don't miss my baby shower and tell me you have a gift for me at home, but never give it. I don't care about the gifts. My problem is when people tell you they are going to do something then do it.  Don't make up excuses and lies. It only makes you look bad, and the person your doing it to angry and disappointed. I was in her wedding right after I had Ayden. I never complained, but remembered how she was for my wedding and knew I would or could never do that to anyone of my friends. I just don't get it.