Mom in the room...kind of long.

minnz

Sparked from below post... I recently mentioned to my mom that DH and I will probably just want it to be us in the room during the delivery. (I knew she wouldn't like to hear that, but I feel like I already have to say it just so that it can sink in before I actually go into labor.) She got really emotional and said a lot of women would want their moms there, but she obviously would support whatever we wanted to do, etc... All the while crying a little... So I felt really bad, but I felt it needed to be out there.

Another side of the coin is that my mom is terminal--she has pulmonary hypertension, a heart/lung disease--and was given a year to live back in 2006. It really has been an incredible blessing that she is still here with us, especially now that we're expecting. She never thought she'd live to see the day, and neither did I!  

Despite all of this, I still don't think I want her in the room with us during it. Am I awful for still wanting this?

(I'm also already thinking about how it's going to be when the baby is born, when we're still in the hospital... like, is she going to be upset if she's not the first one to hold the baby? It is so exhausting worrying about things like this, I know it's silly... It's just hard to know when to put my foot down and still be compassionate, you know?)

LovinTim912

I agree with you 100%. ?I don't want anyone other than DH and necessary medical staff in the room during labor & delivery. ?If anyone doesn't like it, that's just too bad on them.

Sawyerplus1

I'm sorry to hear about your mom, but I think you should stick to your decision.

chaptini4now

Awe, I feel for you.. .I really do. But my opinon does not change. We're not even calling the family's till after I deliever so we have at least 30 mins alone! Again, I'm not trying to be a jerk, because your story really did make me tear up a bit... but no. Sorry. This is YOUR time.

Celiarh1

I think its a hard decision! I wouldn't want to hurt my moms feelings either esp. in her state but the most important thing for both of you is that she gets to be there period! I would maybe ask your other family members to go ahead and let her be the first visitor when the baby is born. That way she will still feel special and if its set in stone ahead of time you wont have to worry about it. Idk it would be a hard decision for me to make too but thats my two cents

tzolk

Wow.....tough stuff. I would say you have every right to do what you want but with that being said....I just don't know if I personally would have it in me to not let her be in the delivery room to share that experience with her especially with her being terminal. I am close to my mother so it's much easier for me to say this as I don't know your exact relationship with your mom. But ulitmately it is your choice and the choices you make are the ones you will live with.

Jen&Louie

I'm sorry to hear of your mom's conditon but, as others have said, I wouldn't let it sway my decision.  I think the birth of our child will be an incredibly emotional and intimate time and I just don't want anyone there other than DH (and the doula and medical team, of course). And anyone who thinks they might hold our child before DH and I do is just plain off their rocker.

NathsPrncssD

I am sorry you are in such a tough position! And happy to hear that your Mom is still with you considering her illness. I think you have to go with what you want! This is your baby and you are the one that will be in labor-the moment should be what you and your husband want. If you want to do something special for your Mom, why don't you ask her to be the first one in the room after the baby is born and the first one to hold the baby besides you and DH? Then she still feels special, but you are not altering what you want for the birth? Obviously that might not work for you either depending on what you and your husband want. I think you should do what you want and just keep reassuring your Mom that she is very special to you and the new baby. Good luck! I hope all goes well!

duchessII81

Jen&Louie:

I'm sorry to hear of your mom's conditon but, as others have said, I wouldn't let it sway my decision.  I think the birth of our child will be an incredibly emotional and intimate time and I just don't want anyone there other than DH (and the doula and medical team, of course). And anyone who thinks they might hold our child before DH and I do is just plain off their rocker.

This, exactly.

He_Calls_Me_Angel

I have just begun to think about this.  Ultimately it is your decision and people close to you need to respect that.  Terminally ill or not. 

I can't even say that I'm not dreading telling my mom the same though.  Unfortunately, the only reason that I will not allow my mother in the room is because I do not want MIL in the delivery room and she will throw a FIT if my mom is.  How sad is that?

PurpleK26

I sort of get where you're coming from. I'd like my mom in the room for her sake. She's never seen a birth (she was knocked out for all of her kids) so she'd really like to. She also cheated death a few years ago when she had a Massive heart attack. The dr. told her that if my lil sister had not run every red light to get her to the ER, she wouldn't have made it to the hospital. So, I feel very lucky to have her around for this. I still think I want it to be just me and DH... and he REALLY wants it that way.

swimrbride

Do you not want her in the room for the actual delivery or any part of the labor? I would say try to compromise and if she is not there for the pushing part maybe let her be in there while you are laboring or come in right after baby is born. Then it is just you and your DH for the delivery and you guys get to hold and bond with baby before anyone else and your mom still gets to see the baby fairly shortly after it is born. 

Prinycesa07

To be honest, i would just have her in the room.  I wouldn't have the heart to tell her no.

 But i'm in a similar situation.  I honestly just want my husband and I in the room but i know how much it means to my mom to be there and i think that if i don't let her, it will hurt me all the time to know how much she really wnated to be there and i didn't allow her to be.

katyclark13

I really feel for your situation, but I think you should stick with your original decision.

My mom was with my sister when she had her daughter which was a blessing because the father of my sister's baby slept through the whole thing and wasn't much help.

I feel kind of lucky that my mom is a plane ride away.  I feel like you and only want my husband present. This is really our time together and the first bonding experience we will have with our daughter. 

Saran

I was right there with you until you said your mother was terminal. Everything went out the window and I put myself in her shoes. She may not be around  to see the babies 1st b-day, first day of school, graduation, wedding etc... I have no intension of having my mom in the room (she will be watching m twins) but if she were terminal and her future wasn't certain, I would make an exception and give her this gift. I see it as a gift to her, but that is just me. I just don't want you to have ANY regrets if something (God forbid) happens. GL

Temp6313048411121614

If you don't want her in there, that's all that matters.  I had my mom and MIL in with us when DS was born, but knew that I just wanted it to be DH and I this time (even before getting pg). 

LittleMamaB

Saran:

I was right there with you until you said your mother was terminal. Everything went out the window and I put myself in her shoes. She may not be around  to see the babies 1st b-day, first day of school, graduation, wedding etc... I have no intension of having my mom in the room (she will be watching m twins) but if she were terminal and her future wasn't certain, I would make an exception and give her this gift. I see it as a gift to her, but that is just me. I just don't want you to have ANY regrets if something (God forbid) happens. GL

I agree. 

minnz

Saran:

I was right there with you until you said your mother was terminal. Everything went out the window and I put myself in her shoes. She may not be around  to see the babies 1st b-day, first day of school, graduation, wedding etc... I have no intension of having my mom in the room (she will be watching m twins) but if she were terminal and her future wasn't certain, I would make an exception and give her this gift. I see it as a gift to her, but that is just me. I just don't want you to have ANY regrets if something (God forbid) happens. GL

You're right, and I appreciate your comment. DH and I haven't even really talked about it as extensively as I'm sure we will (and who knows how we'll feel until we're rushing to the hospital, really)... I'm close to my mom, but not super close. My mom is a sweet woman, but I wouldn't want DH to feel pushed out at all, and could see that happening... It's a hard situation to explain. Ah well, I know we'll do what's best when that time comes... I'm grateful to have time to think about it (Lord willing), and I need to talk with DH more about it!

RandiDeeAnn

I am wanting DH and myself in the room, but I want my mom close by. If I end up wanting my mommy while in delivery, I want her to be able to get in.