New mom with twins in NICU, please help

jlh123

Hi everyone.  My angel babies were born one week ago today just short of 32 weeks gestation.  Both are doing great and progressing as should be.

I left the hospital Thursday after my c section.  I cried to hard leaving them there.  I know it's where they need to be as they need to grow but it's so hard.  Each night I've been up crying and missing them.  I know they know me and as a mother I feel I have this biological instinct or hormone in me left over from pregnancy that attaches me to these babies.  I feel so connected with them and then I'm not the one that's their primary caretaker right now.  It's killing me.

I go there after doctors round on the NICU so after 11am or so.  We stay until the 3pm shift change.  I go home and rest until after dinner then go back until around 10 pm.  And I call them before I go to bed and then usually when up crying in the middle of the night.  I plan on staying more during the day once I recover more this week.  I'm thinking that may help.  It completes me being able to change their diaper, feed them (via tube now, but on to bottle probably next week it sounds like).  I feel their responses to me and it's so needed to bond with them.  My husband feels the same but he's not sitting here crying like I am.

Please give me some advice how to get through the weeks ahead.  I thought I'd ask for primary nurses for their shifts, that may help me feel like they are getting regularity.  Like I said, staying during the day longer once I'm able to may help me continue attachment with being there for more feedings, diaper changes, etc.  I'm bringing some of their own clothes today, I've put rosaries in their isolettes and our priest came to give them blessings.

I want that bond all the time with them and feel like as a mom I'm missing it and they are missing it to and it's needed for them. 

When I get back from the NICU today, I'll check back here.  I really need the strength especially for them.  Any advice and support is much appreciated.  TIA

Mrs. Destructo

Congratulations on the birth of your twins! I am so sorry that you're joining us here, but since you have preemies I'm glad you found this board. This is an amazing group of women.

Have you done kangaroo care yet with your babies? If you haven't, ask your nurses if you can do it. It is the BEST thing in the world. Do it today if you can. Do it every day.

Hang in there. The NICU is a terrible place to be, but you can get through this. Just keep plugging along, one day at a time, one hour at a time, or one second at a time. I know it is impossible to imagine now, but some day soon this will be behind you. 

*KatieH*

Hey jlh I post on ML too!  Congrats on the bambinos!   

Ali05

Kangeroo care is awesome. I'd also ask if you can be present and participate with bath time. Take lots of pics and journal if you can. ((hugs)) it will help you deal with your emotions. Also take all the help you can get from friends and family.

Hang in there. It's not easy but they'll be home soon. 

Flyswmer

First of all CONGRATS on your angel babies.  Secondly I think finding primary nurses is a great idea.  My daughter was in the NICU for 4 months and I think befriending the RN's and her primary nurses helped me get through most of it.  Even though Julia is gone now I still keep in touch with those who helped save her life on a few occassions.

It will get easier when you heal and have a system down.  ((HUGS))

jlh123

Thank you, it's good to hear it from others who have been there.

I'm goinng to check out the kangaroo care right now and I'll talk to the nurses about it when I go back tonight.  Thanks!

I just have felt so out of control like I'm not their mother, but today I took a few tiny steps where I felt back in like their mother.  I put clothes on them after changing them, got the weekend primary nurses set up, I put in some requests, etc. 

sweetpea18

Congrats on the birth of your twins! 

Definately ask about doing kangaroo care with them.  Its a great way to bond.  I also made sure that I was there for her baths.  I also made sure to do all of her cares when I was there. 

And as far as you crying and your dh not crying-pp hormones are no joke.  Your emotions will be all over the place for awhile.  Its okay to cry!!  I'm not a crier and I cried everyday that dd was in the nicu.  I allowed myself to cry in the shower every morning before I went to the hospital.  Your emotions will get better with time-give your body and hormones a couple of weeks to adjust. 

mhop

Having a baby in the NICU is so hard and crying is so normal.  Primary nurses are a God-send (we still keep in touch with ours).  Also, just let all the nurses know that you want to be as hands on as possible.  Sometimes I think they just get used to doing it all that they forget to ask you if you want to do it. 

borc0080

Congrats on the birth of your twins!  I definitely agree with PPs that kangaroo care is a must.  Awesome bonding time with your babies.  I found that bringing things from home (blankets, clothes) helped me feel like I was doing something for DD.  I think it's good that you're taking some time at home to care for yourself.  You'll be that much stronger when it's time to bring your babies home, and 12-hour days in the NICU take their toll. 

axr8111

Congrats on your little babies! I was in a similar situation almost 2 years go, only I had just a singleton, but he was born just shy of 32 weeks. It was the most difficult time in my life, however now he is a healthy happy 20 month old. I wish the same for you! Hang in there, spend as much time as you want/can at the NICU and yes, do lots of kangaroo care because it's good for you and your babies. Best wishes!