Trouble finding good support...

KimboRambo

I have had such a tough time finding a good support network of other working moms...one of my closest friends who has a daughter 3 months older than mine doesn't work, and I find it very hard to relate our parenting situations. It's just fundamentally different! It's not about wishing I could stay home, or her wishing she could work, or that one is harder or better than the other, we just live different realities.

And then other friends of mine who also have babies and workl are either MUCH more financially well off than us or work because they choose to, not have to. Again, it's not about wishing we had more money (though that would be nice!), just finding people who can relate to our day-to-day struggles and appreciate our situation.

Anyone else?

AlisaS

What is it that you find is so difficult about relating to others and why do you feel others can't relate?

No one will ever be in your particular shoes and everyone's lives have challenges. Just because someone works because they "choose" to (although I never really understand what this means) doesn't mean they can't be a confidant.

ka2005

I totally understand your situation!  My best friend is a working professional but she is only out of the home 2-3 days but we find on a daily basis our complaints are different.  She wants to cry bc she can't think of anything else to entertain her LO and she is cleaning the kitchen Again, folding laundry Again. Valid complaints for her but I think....laundry?? You mean you get it done everyday?  And...I would love to have the opportunity to play with my LO so much that I am bored with it.  I can empathize with her, but daily we just have different struggles.  Doesn't mean anyone's situation is better or worse.

spinach

I see what you mean but I have working mom friends and stay at home mom friends,  I talk to all of them about the same things. If they tell me something I don't relate to well I just listen and if they tell me something I can relate to I tell them. It's really not too bad if you don't categorize them, we're all moms and have challenges in our lives.

yellowcar

I understand exactly what you are saying.  I don't know a single person who is in my situation: two middle class working parents (FT year-round, no summers off) whose kids go to daycare and are not watched for free by a family member. 

Yes, it is hard to relate and confide in someone when you are kvetching about daycare costs and they inevitably blurt out loud how glad they are that their mom/dad/cousin/mailman's daughter watches their kids for free and oh they are so happy that their kids don't go to awful daycare how do you do it I can never imaging my baby being raised by strangers it must be so hard...

I just don't need that conversation and it always comes up.  And it does seem that everyone is more financially stable than us, but I have to remember that appearances are not everything and who knows what really goes on in their homes, their bank accounts, etc.  I just have to remember how everyone is different and try to not talk about our struggles with anyone but DH. 

ka2005

LOL yellowcar!  Everyone I know that works FT with kids has free help too!!!  I have a co-worker who is about to add to the family and they work FT so I thought I would have someone to comiserate with BUT they have subsidized care through his wife's school system.  Cost for FT infant care? Half of what I just paid.  

semdkm

Ditto yellocar! 

I do understand what you are saying.  It's not so much that I don't have good r-ships with others with others in a completely difft spot than us, but I think it would be helpful to know someone similarly situated just b/c it DOES help to have someone to talk with who completely understands the frustrations.  I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that.  Know you certainly aren't alone--if you weren't on a completely different coast, I might suggest a meet up .

Note--since I was feeling as you are, I actually am planning on meeting up with some moms from our dd's daycare.  Sure, it's tough, b/c we want to spend our free time w/dd and not really do or see anything/one else, but I think it will be helpful to spend some time with some other moms who, while they would love to spend more time with their children, really don't have much choice but to also work outside the home (or, who might be able to but choose to work--we still all have in common daycare).  It's nice not to feel so alone.  Perhaps you could try something similar?