toddler sleep issues - need help

beenbizzy

This is going to be long.  Sorry.

DS slept awesome from five weeks to six months of age.  At 13 months sleeping was awful.  The only way DH and I could get any rest was to bring DS to bed with us.  Now, we?ve created a problem.   We?ve tried multiple things but given up for multiple reasons.  When we tried CIO it and worked great for a few days until he would throw up.  We can get him to fall asleep in our arms sometimes but as soon as we lay him in his crib he wakes up.  As soon as he falls asleep in our bed, we can get up and go about our evening, but getting him to fall asleep in his bed is an issue.  We?ve toyed with the idea of just moving him to a twin bed, but if we move him, I want to do it right and start on good habits. 

Also, he is a night owl.  It is 9:30 or 10pm before he is going to bed and he sleeps until 7:15am. He takes a 2 hour nap in afternoon.   I know he needs more sleep than this, but what can I do?  He is wide awake until this time of night.  We can sometimes get him to fall asleep on his own, or with his pacifier, but other nights it is a temper tantrum/squirming mess and we revert to giving him a bottle.  Nine times out of ten he sucks the bottle down, rolls over and falls asleep perfectly (but in our bed).

Some nights our schedule is a disaster and we don?t even eat supper until 8 pm so I?m struggling with how to be consistent.  I?m incredibly embarrassed that we?ve let this go on so long and developed such bad habits.  I know we need to break it now and create better habits.  Please recommend your suggestions. 

MrsAmers

Please don't feel bad.  There is nothing inherently wrong with co-sleeping.  Some families do it by choice and I can guarantee that he won't still be sleeping in your bed as a teenager.  ;-)

Personally, I would focus first on your evening routine.  Toddlers really do well with routine and it might be the easiest way to move up his bedtime.  Try to figure out what makes your schedule screwy and come up with solutions.  Do you need to do weekend meal planning so you can get dinner prepared more efficiently?  Freeze meals on the weekend that can just be thawed during the week?  Focus on certain chores that need to be done on the weekend so you have less to do during the week?

With a toddler and an infant, meal planning and freezing meals has been a lifesaver.  Generally, DH plays with DD while I start dinner and feed DS.  Then we all sit down to dinner between 6 and 6:30.  At 7 we either do bath or quiet play in the living room.  At 7:30 we go upstairs and do diaper change, pjs, teeth and books.  At 8pm we put DD in her crib.

As for the cosleeping, there are lots of sleep training books out there.  Most of them don't involve CIO and several specifically call themselves "no cry" solutions.  I suggest going to the library or bookstore and skimming some of them, and reading the ones that sound most promising for your family.

carrie4g

Ignore my ticker - mine is 16 mo.  I think if you're going to do CIO you have to stay with it or else you're being cruel to the child. Also, i wouldn't introduce the twin bed until you get the sleeping squared away. I would make sure that 2nd nap isn't sabotaging an 8 pm bedtime. It also sounds like if he's downing a bottle of milk that he's hungry. I'd give him a good dinner at 6 pm and then a bottle before bed. I also agree with the PP about a nightime routine. Warm bath and comfy jammies. Also, a lovey or nightlight helps too for transitioning. We rock DS for a minute to help him transition (after the bottle) and then I lay him on his belly and rub his back and hair a bit to help him relax and start dozing off. At that point, if your DC cries let him and if he's still crying after whatever amount of time you decide, go in and rub the back again and lay DC down. Good lucK!

Karibride

I just want to tell you not to feel bad about this. I have a 2 year old and she is still sleeping in our bed for all the same reasons you described. We have tried the CIO method zillions of times. My best friend is a pre-school teacher and keeps telling me that I need to do it for like a week and DD will get the hint. Well guess what? This has gone on for MONTHS! DH works out of town a lot, so when I am home alone, I don't want to get up and down all night by myself. So I end up giving in. DD goes to bed later. She just doesn't want more sleep. She's rarely grumpy from lack of sleep and does just fine, going to bed at 9:30 or 10:00 and waking up at 7:00 to leave for school. If I wake her up any earlier then I don't have my own time to get ready for work. My family thinks they have all the answers and so do my friends. The truth is, I need my sleep too because I have a job where I need to function. Staying up all night is not an option. And for those that say she will give up after a couple of hours, please come to my house at 4:00 after being up all night fighting the sleep battle! Oh one more thing.. We had to take the crib out and get a toddler bed because she kept climbing out of the crib. There is nothing we have not tried. She has banged on her door for hours. So much so that she had blisters on her knuckles. This girl is determined!! Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to say that I feel your pain.

spinach

Please dont't feel bad, I co-sleep with my mom (dad was out of the country) until I was 7 and I turned out ok.

Here are my suggestions:

Set a night time routine. We eat dinner no later than 6pm, we bathe no later than 7:30 and we read for about 30 min. DS is in bed between 8 and 8:15 and asleep around 8:30pm. Meal plan so that you can have dinner on the table within 15-30min of being home.

Can you get him really tired over the weekend? We'll take him to the park or pool in the AM to help him take a good nap and take him to a park after dinner so that he is exhausted at night.

If he's climbing out of his crib I suggest get a side rail for the crib or put the mattress on the floor. You can also get a twin mattress and set it on the floor. We explained to DS that the mattress was his new bed and he didn't look back.

A few suggestions for him to not co-sleep with you guys.

1.  put his mattress in your room and get him to sleep on his own in your room.

then

2. move his mattress back to his room and lay down with him until he falls asleep

ultimate goal

3.  let him go to sleep on his own in his room.

I found that CIO stopped working for DS at around 14 months old.

We find that keeping his door open and getting a night light really helped DS to fall asleep. Also most days DS will tell us he doesn't want to sleep, we just keep telling him to stay on his mattress and he eventually calms down and goes to sleep. We also read him about 5 books each night before he goes to sleep as part of the routine.

Temp655608750006792

The Ferber book address's kids that throw up if you want to check it out again.  It worked for us but every kid is different.

momofolivia

DD has always been a really bad sleeper.  Here are things that have helped us get her to STTN from 15-18 months (sickness and teething and separation anxiety have happened since then).

- Have a cold, hard routine and *do not waver* from it.  Be very strict on your routine for about 2 -3 weeks or so.  Get as detailed as you want - make sure everyone who puts your DC to bed sticks the routine.  They need to know exactly what to expect each night. 

I found that if my DD was confused about what to expect each night, she would wake frequently.  She would cry out for us because she wasn't sure if we would come or not.  WE were the problem - we were all over the board.  She didn't know if she was going to be rocked to sleep one night by me, or DH was going to sit in the chair next to her crib the next.

- The only advice I can give on the bedtime routine getting earlier to to really focus on your night time activities.  After dinner, keep everything pretty quiet and low key.  Start dimming the lights.  Turn off the TV.  Make his environment as calm as possible. 

Sleep = sleep, so gradually step back on bedtime....10pm, 9:45pm, 9:30pm.

duchess0727

Maybe it's best for you to move him to a twin bed and start fresh with a new routine.  Talk about it a lot -about how he's getting a big boy bed and that big boys sleep in their bed.  Talk it up and make it sound really exciting but that if he gets a big boy bed, he has to sleep in it because that's what big boys do.  Make a big production out of getting the bed.  Then make sure you have a good nighttime routine.  Have dinner, then bath, read stories, brush teeth, tuck him in with his animals or blanket or whatever he likes.  Maybe get him something special and tell him it's to keep him safe and sleep with him in his new bed. We have trouble keeping our schedule for ourselves but our son always eats at 6:30 - if I have to just sit with him and watch, I do that if our dinner isn't ready.  Keep something quick around - frozen chicken nuggets, easy mac or hot dogs - even PB&J.  Make sure you do this routine every night and even if he's not tired, make him get in bed.  My son talks himself to sleep a lot - sometimes even for an hour or two but we always make him stay in his crib. 

Your son's age is common for sleeping problems - we went through it from 20 - 24 months our son was up about 2 or 3 times a week.  I was pregnant and I think it had something to do with the uncertainty but there were times I thought it was bad dreams too.  Your son might be getting a little scared - make sure he has a night light and some special things to keep him feeling secure.  Tell him you are just outside and if he needs you just to call for you.  Maybe that will make him feel better.  Good luck - it's never too late to fix this - don't worry!