Possibly flameful... maybe I'm just jealous.

Bella427

I have very few WM friends IRL.  Four of my SAHM friends have decided to pursue completely different careers when they return to work down the road.  One wants to become a midwife, 1 a nurse, 2 want to become teachers.  2 of them already have advanced degrees in other areas.  Maybe I'm just jealous that they're all seeking out their dream jobs (although I do enjoy my job overall) and applying to grad schools, but it's starting to irk me to hear them talk about these future jobs!  "Well, I want something flexible that pays well."  "Well, I want something meaningful.  My old job just didn't feel that meaningful." etc.  I'm all for them pursuing what makes them happy but I feel like their husbands are getting the short end of the stick here!  All 4 of them talk about how broke they are on 1 salary, etc. and I kind of just want to tell them to suck it up and get a job to contribute financially!  It's really none of my business but I doubt their husbands love every aspect of their jobs, ya know?  The perfect job isn't necessarily out there, so instead of complaining about only 1 income while you start the whole grad school process again, how about just earning a paycheck?!  Vent over. 

charmgal

I understand your frustration, but try to look at it from an another angle.  My DH quit a very lucrative job/career to return to school to fulfull his dream of being a doctor. We have lived off my salary for 4 years now. Our income was cut by more than half, as he used to make more than I do.  Since DD was born, I wish I could work part time, but that's not possible since we just barely pay the bills.  Although DH just started earning income as a resident, we are not going to improve financially until DH completes residency.  Did he have to quit his job to pursue his dream of becoming a doctor? No. Do I complain about money? Yes, I do sometimes. But DH was unhappy with his career before and felt unfulfilled.  I'd rather he be happy. If that means I have to be less than happy about working full time for the time being, then I'm ok with that.

Maybride2

Just remember these two points -

Talking about how you "want" a new career and applying to grad schools for it is a LOT different than actually completing the necessary schooling and then working in that career.  Give these ladies 5 years and see where they're at then.  Not saying that none of them will follow through with their talk..........but again, talking about it is a lot easier than doing it.

You have the same option that they do, you're just choosing not to do it. 

Osco13

charmgal:

I understand your frustration, but try to look at it from an another angle.  My DH quit a very lucrative job/career to return to school to fulfull his dream of being a doctor. We have lived off my salary for 4 years now. Our income was cut by more than half, as he used to make more than I do.  Since DD was born, I wish I could work part time, but that's not possible since we just barely pay the bills.  Although DH just started earning income as a resident, we are not going to improve financially until DH completes residency.  Did he have to quit his job to pursue his dream of becoming a doctor? No. Do I complain about money? Yes, I do sometimes. But DH was unhappy with his career before and felt unfulfilled.  I'd rather he be happy. If that means I have to be less than happy about working full time for the time being, then I'm ok with that.

 

I"m in this exact same boat. DH returned to medical school and i am the only bread winner. Nice to know I'm not alone!

AlisaS

Maybride2:

Just remember these two points -

Talking about how you "want" a new career and applying to grad schools for it is a LOT different than actually completing the necessary schooling and then working in that career.  Give these ladies 5 years and see where they're at then.  Not saying that none of them will follow through with their talk..........but again, talking about it is a lot easier than doing it.

You have the same option that they do, you're just choosing not to do it. 

Exactly. Talk is cheap. And given that they are always complaining now, their lives don't seem to be anything so special.

charmgal

Osco13:

I"m in this exact same boat. DH returned to medical school and i am the only bread winner. Nice to know I'm not alone!

Yay! I'm not alone! It is hard, isn't it? Sometimes I feel resentful that he didn't get his sh*t together when he was younger, so he'd be all done with school by now and I wouldn't have to work full time, but then I feel guilty because he is such a wonderful husband and father and I know we're going to be even better off when he's all done!  But it's a huge sacrifce and I appreciate what you're going through.

BTW, I love the picture of your LO!! So cute.

AlisaS

charmgal:

Osco13:

I"m in this exact same boat. DH returned to medical school and i am the only bread winner. Nice to know I'm not alone!

Yay! I'm not alone! It is hard, isn't it? Sometimes I feel resentful that he didn't get his sh*t together when he was younger, so he'd be all done with school by now and I wouldn't have to work full time, but then I feel guilty because he is such a wonderful husband and father and I know we're going to be even better off when he's all done!  But it's a huge sacrifce and I appreciate what you're going through.

BTW, I love the picture of your LO!! So cute.

What if your DH told you he wished you had gotten your sh*t together to make enough money so he wouldn't have to work full-time?

charmgal

AlisaS:

charmgal:

Osco13:

I"m in this exact same boat. DH returned to medical school and i am the only bread winner. Nice to know I'm not alone!

Yay! I'm not alone! It is hard, isn't it? Sometimes I feel resentful that he didn't get his sh*t together when he was younger, so he'd be all done with school by now and I wouldn't have to work full time, but then I feel guilty because he is such a wonderful husband and father and I know we're going to be even better off when he's all done!  But it's a huge sacrifce and I appreciate what you're going through.

BTW, I love the picture of your LO!! So cute.

What if your DH told you he wished you had gotten your sh*t together to make enough money so he wouldn't have to work full-time?

I said I think it, have never said it.  And, I also said I feel guilty for thinking it. 

soccermom-to-be

If this economy doesn't improve in the next few years, it doesn't matter what your friends want to do, they may not get hired.  I have a few SAHM friends who have decided to return to work after 2-3 years of not working outside the home and they are not finding anything.  Their job areas range from teachers to marketing and it's tough for them to constantly be rejected.

I think that there is always time down the road to consider going into your dream field so don't worry too much.  If you really want to change things up, the time will come.

Emmy323

AlisaS:

charmgal:

Osco13:

I"m in this exact same boat. DH returned to medical school and i am the only bread winner. Nice to know I'm not alone!

Yay! I'm not alone! It is hard, isn't it? Sometimes I feel resentful that he didn't get his sh*t together when he was younger, so he'd be all done with school by now and I wouldn't have to work full time, but then I feel guilty because he is such a wonderful husband and father and I know we're going to be even better off when he's all done!  But it's a huge sacrifce and I appreciate what you're going through.

BTW, I love the picture of your LO!! So cute.

 

What if your DH told you he wished you had gotten your sh*t together to make enough money so he wouldn't have to work full-time?

 Aw! It sounds like she's working really hard for her family. They both are. It's okay to wish that things were easier.

 ETA: To the OP...I see a lot of people wanting to make career choices after they have children. Priorities change and so do interests. What worked for a family of two may not be as practical for a family with children. It sounds like they are just planning for the future. And I agree with PP, saying it and doing it are two different things. Grad school is hard, especially with kids (I couldn't imagine doing it again with children). I would just take it at face value...it's something they are thinking about, who knows what will happen!

semdkm

This is coming from the perspective of someone who is most def going to quit a high-paying job to go back to school to find something more fulfilling--I can tell you my husband is 100% supportive of this, even though it DOES mean his probably having to work a bit longer, we'll have to sell our home and move to a totally different, lcol area, etc.  Why?  Because I am so miserable and tired of doing something I absolutely hate, even if I do already have an advanced degree applicable to this field.  For that, everyone is suffering.  What's the point?  Good for your friends for pursuing something that might make them (and as a result, potentially their marriages) happier?

semdkm

I should add that the women who seem to be happy with working and confident about the decision to work outside the home are those who enjoy the work they do.  It's hard to leave one's child no matter the job choice, but I can tell you first hand and from my observations here, it seems those of us who hate our work (even if we do it b/c it's contributing to the greater financial good of the family) have a much harder time with time spent away from our children.  Your friends might be on to something--even if their aspirations turn out to be unrealistic -- at least they are attempting to do something that will make them happy during the time they are away from their children.  That said, I'm with you on the complaining about one income thing--you can't have it both ways.  I'm going to try very hard not to complain about our diminished income once I make the jump to a much-lower paying career!

duchess0727

I understand what you are saying. Both my husband and I grew up with families that didn't have a lot of money - we weren't poor but our parents were always very conscious of money.  They worked very hard for us to go to college (and law school for my husband) and if either of us decided not use our degree, we would be embarrassed and disappointed to have wasted our parents money.  When I even brought up grad school, my husband blanched because he was afraid of how we would afford to have one of us in school and to be honest, I don't know how we would handle it or how I would even find time to study.  The only way I could fathom going back to school is if I were able to sock away a ton of $ and we could pay the bills easily.  I'm all for everyone being happy with their job but I think I would just make the best of what I had.  I'm thankful to say I actually like my job a lot and can't think of something I'd rather be doing right now.