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Toddlers: 24 Months+
s/o at what age post
so i want a philosophical debate...anyone interested?
I find it interesting that many people are anticipating not leaving their 10 - 15 yo child alone for any length of time. I am not flaming anyone, but pointing out that this seems to be a cultural shift towards coddling children.
My grandfather left home when he was 8 years old to live on his own (an exception, I am sure. but he survived).
At 15, your child will start driving (learner's permit).
At 18 they can vote, go to war, are independent of their parents.
My DH and I have worked in the higher education industry for many years (he still does), and there are SO MANY parents that hand-hold their kids through everything. At 18, if my kid can't pick out a college, their classes and their own backpack, I've done something wrong.
I think that in this country, the mentality is toward keeping our children "babies" too long. I think this is why we have a generation of people who expect everything for nothing. How do you expect to raise a self-reliant kid if you won't let them stay home alone at 15 yo?
What do you think?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o at what age post
I agree with a lot of what your saying but I'd also say in A LOT of instances/news stories theyre should be more coddling, or may "parenting" is a better word... I didnt say in the OP that I wouldnt let my kids be alone at that age, I was alone at 12 I was saying I would NEVER let a 12 year old watch my infants like I watched when I was 12, kwim?? I think now those parents were nuts! Even though, obviously, I WAS the best sitter EVER!! LOL.....Plus you know, things arent the same as they were before, crime wasnt the same....People didnt stalk your houses, and go thru your trash to learn your schedules, etc...(not saying NO crime) but not like today and NOT as often and just EVERYWHERE, imo.... Yes you have to let your kids grown and learn and trust them but I was talking 10-12, not driving age..
I stand by my opinion of 10-12 still needs adult supervision. I am all for teaching your kids to be independent and have the ability to function as an adult, but I think 10 is just too young. For some reason I thought it was a law (at least in my state) that said you had to be at least 12 to be a latch key kid?!? Maybe I should google it...
eh, I think it depends on the child. I was 8 when I started staying by myself for about an hour after school. By myself if my parents had to go somewhere, about 10 or 11....my brother on the other hand, well, my parents would have been bad parents to leave him by himself at that age. He was probably 12, at least. I also think it's a completely different ball game when there is more than one child.
Most states have a law too, granted my state is 9, if I lived in IL, where it is 14, I would abide...not something I'm willing to go to jail and/or lose my child over.
Here's the latchkey kids, by state, requirements
https://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm
Agreed. I watched a documentary on public television which was exploring the loss of free-play in children. You know, opening the doors and letting kids play outside with other kids unsupervised. It was really interesting. It touched on several areas including some that you have mentioned, but also the potential loss of problem solving skills, social skills and other skills that children build during this time and have since time began up until this past generation.
Kids, by and large, in western culture are scheduled and supervised throughout childhood and youth. They do not get an opportunity to develop independance until they literally leave the nest. Ever wonder why some kids go crazy in their freshman (frosh) year of university?
Remember that woman who let her 9 year old ride the subway alone in New York City? Apparently the letters that she received were mostly negative, stating that she was risking her child's life by letting him have that bit of freedom. That she was a bad mother.
Fear has gripped us so tightly that our minds now go to the worst possible scenario. Abduction. Abuse. Murder. The media has put it in our faces.
I hope that I will not let fear dictate my decisions when it comes to my kids. I want my decisions to be made rationally, objectively, 'smartly'.
DANG!! Must be a lot of bad asses in IL!!! LOL LOL
No age here in FL I see...
I agree whole heartedly.
Between teens who can't take care of themselves to tweens who are dying to be independent can't we find a happy inbetween?
i agree 100%.
i know it all depends on the kid. the dc in this instance has a mother that is not very educated in many aspects and cares more about hanging out with her friends than the care of her ds, hence why she is moving out of a good home/neighborhood to a crappy one to be closer to her friends to hang out.
I think each kid is different and I can't say that by XX age I will definitely feel ok leaving my child alone.
My mom had the luxury of working for my dad. Her hours were flexible so she would leave when I got on the bus and was home when I got home from school. When I started middle school she started working later. At that time I would call when I got home and she would leave work within 30 minutes. She was usually home within the hour. By high school I would call when I got home and she would get home from work around 4 (in time for Oprah
) so I was home by myself for a little over an hour.
But, I was responsible. I started babysitting early but it was ALWAYS when my parents were at home. Yes, I was in the house alone with the child, but my parents were always home if there was an emergency. The first family that I babysat lived across the street. The second family was 2 houses down. I really think that made a HUGE difference in me being allowed to babysit at a young age. My first "gig" was when I was 11.
My step-mom parents her children very differently than my parents parented my brother and I. I have a 16 year-old step-brother. He just recently got his license. He is allowed to drive, however she (step-mom) still babies him. If he wants a soda, he has to ask if it's ok. If he wants dessert, again, he has to ask. Basically his freedom is very limited. IMO, it's crazy and it actually drives my dad crazy.
On the flip-side, I also have a 13 year-old step-brother. He and the 16 year-old are not allowed to stay home by themselves. They can stay home if it's just one of them, but if they are together, there has to be an adult. They fight too much and would probably kill each other if left alone.
crap. I'm so in trouble. I had a 12 yo babysit for dd for about 2-3 hours. She was over a year old, and we were only a few blocks away and her mother lives next door in case anything happened, but I must be a bad parent.
I think it largely depends on the child. At ten I was babysitting my little sister upstairs while my mom did chores in the basement. She would also go for a walk around the block etc. Typically the baby was sleeping and if she woke up I could change her diaper and play with her for 15-20 minutes till she can home.
There are some adults I wouldn't leave dd with and some children I would. I agree, we tend to baby our kids for much longer than other cultures today or historically. In fact the concept of childhood is a modern construction that developed in the late victorian period.
Some good points and some interesting things to think about, that's for sure.
It seems like a lot of parents try to keep their babies "babies," yet on the other hand, you keep hearing how kids are growing up too fast these days. They are exposed to so much stuff at a young age. The puberty onset age is getting lower and lower. Tweens are trying to dress 'sexy.' The news is telling you sex offender stories. Craig's list killers. Sexting at 11 years old. Dateline's "To Catch a Predator."
I think that maybe the media has put the fear into parents that they need to hold on to their babies, perhaps.
Or maybe the "real world" experiences of people who are parents now cause it. It can be such a screwed-up cruel place sometimes, and I suppose parents try to shelter and protect their kids from hurt and disappointment. To a fault sometimes, I suppose. The "I don't want my kids to have to go through what I did" mentality.
This is our world today and honestly I will not take the risk. My children are not old enough but I dont see me letting them play in any neighborhood (no matter how nice) alone without someone atleast cheking in on them. I think that we coddle our children in the wrong ways. I think a lot of the problems are based on parents that give their children everything and they have no sense of having to work for something and also nothing to be proud of. I feel like our society has taken the self esteem away from kids in many different ways but this is one of them.
Yes I agree with this. I don't think the problems are caused by parents not letting kids be alone enough..it's more about them giving them the WRONG kinds of attention..just like this post says.
My mom left me at age 10 in charge of my siblings: 9, 4, and 1. Now would I ever, ever in a million yrs do that with my kids, no matter how responsible? No I would not. I was responsible and nothing happened to any of us, but I had to grow up way too fast. I think there has to be a happy medium where kids dont have to take on adult problems too soon but they are allowed to have age-appropriate independance. They need to have their innocence, the positive attention of their parents, consistency and discipline, and less media influence. I think those things all would help more than letting them roam free all over town at 10-12. 15, probably another story. Depends on the kid