do I have a right to be angry?

kaydee_2008

DH just told me that his mother wants to actually be able to spoil DC#2 BECAUSE this one will actually be her grandbaby. So to me that just screams she doesnt accept Rylee.. I dont know if i should yell or cry. I'm very upset about this. Rylee has enough trouble and she doesnt need to feel like there are favorites. am i just over reacting?

brightning

As the stepchild who was not full accepted by her new family, I beg you to have your DH talk with his mother. No child should be treated different from her siblings. Even at an early age, they start to pick up on those differences. Your DD will realize it, and it will affect how DC2 treats your DD, too. And shame on your MIL for saying those things out loud.

mrs.aaguilar

That is really mean and no you are not overreacting. She should love Rylee and accept her as her own.  How does your MIL act when she is around Rylee?? Don't be upset.  Not a good time for you to stress and worry about someone like her.  Take care of yourself and your lil baby.  Just wait when the baby does come and see how she acts.  She may say it now but not act on it (we hope) GL!

kaydee_2008

My biggest fear with Rylee has and will always be her not feeling accepted. DH accepts her completely but his mother just says these things and it just seems like she doesnt see rylee as her grandchild. she just sees her as MY child not erics. I know that rylee will pick up any little thing she does already and i do not want this DC2 to make her feel like she is not important.

ecoppins

Frankly that is a terrible thing to say let alone act on. However, that is a fairly common feeling but as an adult she should suck it up and act like one. Playing favorites is terrible and has a lasting impact on a child. My older sister and I were both impacted by my grandmother doing something similar. While we are all biologically her grandchildren, she thought my sister looked like my dad and not like her side of the family. As a baby she wouldn't even hold her, and as a child she ignored her completely. I on the other hand am the spitting image of my mom, and she adored me. My older sister is still wounded by this woman, who has been dead for more than a decade now. I would sit down and talk to dh about your fears and concerns and either have him talk to his mom or sit down altogether. Rylee will have enough to deal with feeling "replaced" by the new baby.

abpdjs

ecoppins:

Frankly that is a terrible thing to say let alone act on. However, that is a fairly common feeling but as an adult she should suck it up and act like one. Playing favorites is terrible and has a lasting impact on a child. My older sister and I were both impacted by my grandmother doing something similar. While we are all biologically her grandchildren, she thought my sister looked like my dad and not like her side of the family. As a baby she wouldn't even hold her, and as a child she ignored her completely. I on the other hand am the spitting image of my mom, and she adored me. My older sister is still wounded by this woman, who has been dead for more than a decade now. I would sit down and talk to dh about your fears and concerns and either have him talk to his mom or sit down altogether. Rylee will have enough to deal with feeling "replaced" by the new baby.

ditto this.  that is terrible of her to say to you/dh.

momofolivia

you are not overreacting.  Your DH needs to lay down the law, or she will risk not being able to see EITHER of the kids.  What you do for one, you do for the other, period.

The only GM I knew growing up was my step-GM, and I knew that.  But to me, she was my GM.  She did not treat my sister and I like her own though.  I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I see the little things.  We saw them so infrequently though that it did not make a lasting impact.

If you see that MIL is doing it, then I would limit her time with both kids.

kada626

Wow, that is awful!! If she is going to do any spoiling, she needs to do it equally despite how she feels. You have every right to be upset by that comment.

My brother has a step-child and my mom treats all the grandchildren equally. I cannot imagine her ever saying anything like that. Luckily, your dd has you to look out for her. I think your DH needs to set this woman straight or don't let her be as involved with your children. Hopefully, the first.

Dani123

YES! Shame Shame on her for saying that and for even THINKING IT!!! Do you guys get along??  He DEF needs to take a stand with her and let her know that sort of mentality about the kids now and then is NOT acceptable and WONT be tolerated!!

What did he say when she said that???

gisellems

you have the right to be angry and i think your dh should have a really serious talk with his mom about this!! is not acceptable for her to act this way.. i grew up with my dad's family not acepting me and my brother and they always made us feel "less" and we are our dads kids! he is our dad! and he never said anything about it.. it sucked growing up that way.. so i can understand how this situation can go even worse! he needs to talk to her and make sure that comment doest come up anymore!!

shawns_bride

Ugh, why would she even say something like that?