FPs - Visits and daycare....

MyColonyNJ

Lil J starts pre-school in the fall.  He will be going everyday, probably until about 2/3.

He has visits with his mother every wed from about 12 - 1:30.

The state provides transportation for the mother.  Because of this, I drive Lil J to the office myself.  Basically, I thought it would be "easier" especially since the aide can not just swing by my house with his mother in the car.

The pre-school is about 5 miles from the visitation office.  If the aide picked up Lil J from school, she would have to drop off the mother at the office, drive 5 miles to the school, drive 5 miles back to the office and do the same thing at the end of the visit.

The mother is driven to a train station, so time is important. 

This would cut probably 20 minutes (at least) off her time.  Her visit is already cut short becasue she needs to get to the train.  Should I care??  Should I just pick up Lil J from school and still meet at the office - basically what I currently do??

I know others have aides pick up the kids at daycare, but not sure if others have the mothers picked up as well.

mom2one

Why can't the mom go with the aide to pick up her son at the daycare for a visit?

hersheykiss

mom2one:

Why can't the mom go with the aide to pick up her son at the daycare for a visit?

I don't think the mom is supposed to know where he is.

What if they pick up Lil J at the daycare and then drive to the station to pick up the mom? Is that possible/legal? Otherwise, if it is inconvenient for you to do it, I would not worry.

MyColonyNJ

The mother can not know where I live, where he goes to school, where we work, etc.  It is a safety issue for everyone involved.

She is transported from another state.  She takes the train to our state, the aide picks her up at the station and then drives an hour to the visitation location.

So, picking him up first would not work.

mom2one

Hmm I am surprised she is not allowed to know where the daycare is. Given that she retains legal custody and parental rights...it is the norm for the parent to know and sometimes even have visits there.

come*on*baby

Technically, she does not have legal custody of him, the state has temporary, but legal custody, so no, it's not her right to know where he is. It is for his safety and those he is currently living with. I know in the state of Texas, that the child's whereabouts - school and otherwise, are kept private, as are the last names of the foster parents. The parents are not allowed to visit at schools or where they are living in a foster home. A lot of bio parents have boundry issues when it comes to their children, which is understandable, but not when they are in the custody of DFPS.

 

MyColony, I wouldn't worry about. You let them handle it, it's their job. If it takes away from their visit, she should bring that up with her attorney and he can fight for it. 

MyColonyNJ

come*on*baby:

Technically, she does not have legal custody of him, the state has temporary, but legal custody, so no, it's not her right to know where he is. It is for his safety and those he is currently living with. I know in the state of Texas, that the child's whereabouts - school and otherwise, are kept private, as are the last names of the foster parents. The parents are not allowed to visit at schools or where they are living in a foster home. A lot of bio parents have boundry issues when it comes to their children, which is understandable, but not when they are in the custody of DFPS.

I agree with this.  Although she lives in another state, and I don't think she would do this - BUT - if she knew where we lived or where he goes to school, she could just show up and cause a huge scene.  He was removed for VERY serious problems - none of which would allow her to just have an impromptu visit.

The school actually has a document from the state that says if she does show up to call the police and the local child protective office asap.

come*on*baby

MyColony - that's why I know a lot about the subject! The bio mom of our girls has removed them from kinship placements numerous times and breaking the safety plan. That is how they ended up in our home. We know she knows where A goes to school because she is verbal (obviously!), but all school personnel has been to study A's face and know it well, along with ID must be presented when someone picks her up from school.

ctbride08

come*on*baby:

MyColony, I wouldn't worry about. You let them handle it, it's their job. If it takes away from their visit, she should bring that up with her attorney and he can fight for it. 

ditto. you've already gone above and beyond to facilitate the visitations - now its up to them to figure out. 

GLynn2009

ctbride08:

come*on*baby:

MyColony, I wouldn't worry about. You let them handle it, it's their job. If it takes away from their visit, she should bring that up with her attorney and he can fight for it. 

ditto. you've already gone above and beyond to facilitate the visitations - now its up to them to figure out. 

This. If you don't care to do what you have been then go ahead. If something has happened and it is harder on you then let them figure it out.