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Toddlers: 24 Months+
*MOO* (or anyone else) re:discipline
Okay, I need to know more details about what your new strategy has been with Olivia and the discipline (mainly hitting).
I am at my wit's end with this hitting business. Cole does it when he's mad, but also does it when he's playing with me. Smacking me in the face with both of his hands on my cheeks. I usually stop playing and act hurt and sad and tell him not to hit Mommy. That it hurts Mommy and makes me sad. Ouchie and all that jazz. He gets it, but it isn't stopping him from doing it. *sigh* I think we go through it every day.
All the advice I've read so far adresses when your DC is hitting other people or pets. Where you give the victim the attention. So, what are you supposed to do when YOU'RE the one getting hit, you know?
It's mainly me that he's hitting, although DH gets it every once in a while.
What has worked for you guys?
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Re: *MOO* (or anyone else) re:discipline
I just followed some of punk's advice, and basically we do exactly what you are doing. Olivia also hits one of us rather than the dogs, and we do the song and dance too. If DH and I are together, the other person makes a show of it as well. We then ask Olivia to kiss it and make it better or give a hug.
If I am alone, I completely ignore her and focus on my arm, whatever. I say Olivia must not know how that hurts me. then i ask her to "show me gentle" and she rubs me. and I give her praises.
It is by no means 100% corrected, but I think it has improved.
She has been bitten at school about 5 times in the past week by her classmates, and she has started play biting a bit. Not in anger, but just testing. I act hurt, and point to her cheek, where she was bit, and ask her if she liked being bit and that it hurts. I don't know if that works, because she has only done it a few times.
It is frustrating when they do it so often, but it will sink in!
I'm not sure I would show the same response for the two different kinds of hitting. The anger hitting is one thing. The play hitting to me is different. My son almost three now and the play hitting is an issue. He loves to come up and whack me. I tell him we do not hit when we play. I also tell him I understand he's trying to play and not hurt me but it does hurt just the same. Sometimes he just gets wound up and I explain that I understand he got wound up but we do not hit when we play. I have told him the play will stop if he continues to hit me. Sometimes it really hurts. Now Jack by no means runs around hitting me all day long.
The anger hitting. Oh boy. I remember going through a phase with Jack where I would have to brace myself and him when he'd get mad. Especially if we were climbing the stairs. He'd grab my hair, try to hit me, sometimes spit at me. This went on only for a couple weeks before I noticed I no longer braced myself. I think at that age it's all about redirection and being firm. I don't play the 'it makes mommy sad' card. I don't think guilt is the way to raise a child. This coming from a half Jewish family. Ha! I say we don't hit. It hurts and it's not nice.
Jack also went through a phase where he would tell us he was going to bite us. He never did actually bite us. He wasn't a biter. Thank goodness. But he was bit at school a couple times. I told him we don't play around about biting. Then I would ask him if he remembered when so and so bit him, how it felt, and would he want it done to him again. He got it and never went through with the biting. He would say biting hurts and it's not nice.
It sounds like you are doing everything you should. I wouldn't sit there with your child if he is hitting you in the face. I would simply say we play nice or we don't play at all. We don't hit mommy. Give him a chance to change his attitude or calm down or whatever and either continue with your playing or tell him you will play when he is ready to play with soft touches.
When DD first started hitting we used to act like we were crying and tell her that it hurts when she hits and that it wasn't nice. Now we are more firm with her and tell her "no hitting" and again explain why we don't hit. We are also teaching her to say sorry after she hits. So far its working for us.
Good stuff from everyone! I welcome any and all thoughts or suggestions.
JulieandBen - I agree (and I should have said that in my OP) that I try to handle the angry hitting differently than the play hitting, because I know he's not trying to hurt me when he gets carried away. It seems like the times he gets angry are in situations where I can't walk away from him, the little stinker. It's like he knows that. Like when I'm putting him in the car seat and trying to buckle him in when he's mad...or getting him out of the bathtub or changing his diaper (which was one of the selfish reasons I wanted to PT him. Ha ha). GRR. It definitely hurts sometimes, that's for sure! I know he has been hit and bitten at daycare, no doubt. I will try and reference those times and remind him of how it felt for him as the receiver.
He really is a sweet boy and isn't going around hitting us all the time. However, getting hit even once a week is enough for me!
When DD used to hit me, I'd tell her "Ouch, hitting hurts. I can't play with you if you hit me". Then I'd walk away from her. She got one chance to correct her behavior and then she'd get a time out if she hit again.
We also got the book "Hands are not for hitting". It was really helpful. If she hit, I'd also say "Hands are not for hitting" and then we'd talk about what we can do with our hands.