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Pregnant after 35
robynlesley
member
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
Baby Update
robynlesley
member
Aaron is a stubborn boy re: breastfeeding and he lost 10% of his body weight and is mildly jaundiced so the Pediatrician on staff (ours didn't have privileges at the delivering hospital) said to give formula.
I'm not giving up re: breastfeeding and am seeing a lactation consultant tomorrow. She assures me she has gotten NICU babies who were on tubes for a month to breastfeed. And since my milk hasn't come in yet, and he's only 2 days old, I'll get it.
But MY recovery is hard and I feel a bit disconnected. My DH has him now and I feel somewhat like I failed a big exam. I'm trying to get past that hump and know I will. But it hurts me that my DH is a natural with babies and I'm not.
I know I'm SO lucky to have a healthy baby, I read a blog today of someone I respect so much and I truly realize how lucky I am. And I know my emotions are all over the place. But finding a balance will be harder for me than I thought.
Love you ladies. You've been SO supportive of me. You know I'll be back for you as soon as I'm able.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Baby Update
I can totally relate. Granted, we don't have kids yet. However, ever since my brother and his wife had their little boy, I've watched everyone in the family get along with this kid and I'm the one he just stares at like I'm some weirdo. I feel awkward when I am around him like I don't know what I am doing and in my head I keep thinking if I can't do anything right with my nephew, what makes me think I can do anything when I have my own when he/she is born. I watch my husband with my nephew and he automatically has the kid laughing and playing with him. I feel like the outsider. Yet everyone I know tells me I would make a great mom and all I can think is what do they know that I obviously can't see for myself.
So perhaps we are alike and eventually our love for our kids will shine through and with that a connection is made. I hope that made sense.
Get some rest and I'll keep you and your little one in my thoughts.
Aw Robyn, chin up. You've been through an awful lot and you're definitely not the only mom whose DH is better with babies than you are(I'm still asking DH for help with everything), but remember that it will get easier. Just love your little Aaron as best as you can and let your DH take up the slack until you're back in tip-top shape.
Also, are you pumping while Aaron's getting his strength up? If so, you have to help me out. I suck at it.
Now treat yourself to some awesome hospital food and then get some sleep.
My Blog
I am sorry you are having such a tough time with nursing. Honestly it takes a couple of weeks to get the hang of it, & it is completely normal for babies to loose weight. It usually takes 4 days for your milk to come in. While I never had to supplement, my pediatrician had me feed around the clock (every 2 hours our first weekend home - yes, wake me & baby up at night to feed) to help supply/demand & baby gain weight because my son had lost so much weight in the hospital. It worked!
It is hard being a new mommy (especially with all the hormones still)... give yourself a break!
Robyn.. just like everything in life, there is a learning curve.
I truly believe that despite what we all probably want to think, "mothering" takes a bit of time to get the hang of, just like reading, writing or even riding a bicycle. We don't just wake one morning and suddenly know everything. That's one of the things that separates us from the wild animals. They have more natural instinct for these things.
Our natural instinct for babyin' has been smothered out by the knowledge of how to multi-task, compute square footage and properly accessorize an outfit!
I'm sorry to hear you are a bit down. Hang in there. Although I have no personal experience to share like the previous posters, from everything I read, it sounds like nursing truly can be quite a struggle. Sounds like you have a wonderful support system to help you through and are setting yourself up for success. Your worrying about it all is just a sign of what a caring and deserving mother you are.
Allow yourself to rest and heal. Sending e-hugs your way--I hope it all gets easier soon!
Robyn,
It is completley normal for a new mom to feel stressed and disconnected.
I have a confession - I was kinda pissed when Pumpkin was born and she looked just like her dad. It was like they had an instant connection. She was his Mini Me, and all I did was carry her in my belly for 9 months. When I looked at her, it was like I didn't know her. It took me a few days to come to terms with that. Then after two weeks of her crying all night, I was sleep deprived, exhausted, doubting my mom-skills, and wondering if I had made a mistake, or I wasn't cut out to be a mother.
Guess what? It takes time to get adjusted to the life change of having a baby. Add to that crazy hormones and sleep deprivation, and it's easy to get overwhelmed.
Robyn, you are and will be an amazing mother. Your baby boy is sooo lucky to have you and vice versa. And we love you back - take care of yourself and that sweet boy.
Oh my stars!! My heart goes out to you - I swear your post looks like my diary entry at that 2d. I wish I could give you a giant, squeezy hug right now. Try to stay focused - stick with it, keep trying, and most of all be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You have been through an incredible physical challenge and to top it off the learning curve is steep. Don't worry you are and will continue to be a great mom.
Oh Honey....I don't think what you are feeling is any different than most new moms. Those damn movies make everything look so romantic - just like when the baby comes out all nice and clean! So many of my friends have told me about how they went through the same thing with breastfeeding. I remember in my childbirth prep class the instructor saying how your milk typically takes 72 hours to come in (she's a lactation consultant). I asked her what you're supposed to do if your milk doesn't come in for a couple days - she said that babies have enough fat/energy stored up to last that long - plus with having the colostrum it helps too. While in my mind I can understand that - in my heart I know that will be hard.
Also - you have to remember that you have been through an incredibly stressful event. Glorious and wonderful, yes - there is good stress and bad stress and they both take a toll on you. All of your energy right now is going towards your healing. You will be an amazing mom - I can tell that by how nurturing and supportive you are of all of us here. And how blessed you and your little man are that you have such an amazing DH that can jump in when needed!
It's okay to focus on your healing and adjustment right now - that's what little Aaron needs you to do...
xoxoxoxo
Carla
The lactation women really know their stuff. I spoke to one during my stay. and I actually just called one this last week. If i want a private consult, its $130. Valley Hospital in Ridgewood offers a free lactation support group that takes place in Paramus once a week. I am thinking to go next week. I guess it might be too far for you, but you might want to look into wether your hospital offers anything like this.
I feel like Sienna is not latching as good as she should. Not sure if you read my post on "Parentng after 35" ..."growth spurt meltdown", but I freaked because I thought I was starving my baby. I thought for sure I wasn't prodcuing enough milk because she was fussy & crying even after I just fed her, sticking her hands in her mouth. But the baby eating constantly like that is telling your body to produce more. I overreacted & gave her Enfamil & she slept SO good, that we decided to continue to supplement once or possibly twice a day with formula. She had no nipple confusion & is receptive to both breast & bottle.
I also am pumping. What a pain in the ass. That too was such a dissapointment. the first time I pumped I produced 1 oz from 2 boobs. Next day it was 2 ozs. Now I am up to 3. Woohoo! So the more baby nurses or you pump, the more your body will prodcue.
the 1st 2 weeks were tough for me mentally. I did have some postpartum. Alot to recover from. I had a couple crying breakdowns. My DH was so supportive. Robyn, it will get better but it might get just a little worse before it gets better. You'll be OK. We are here for you.
Robyn, I could have written your post myself. I was out for almost a day after my c/s and when I woke up it seemed like DH had been taking care of DS for years. He was a total natural and I felt like a total fake holding the baby.
It does pass. It took me a while to warm up to the stranger in my arms and I beat myself up over it even though everyone around me was telling me my feelings were normal. Don't do that to yourself.
If the hospital staff is concerned about feeding Aaron how about donor milk instead of formula? Because of the trama of my surgery and recovery my milk did not come in until after I left the hospital. We used hospital provided donor milk for one week until my supply was enough to feed DS. You can ask the LC about it.
Good luck tomorrow. I wish I could give you a big hug.
Robyn - Hope things are going better for you now. Breast feeding can be so tricky. I have heard so many women relay their struggles that I am already thinking of combining breast and formula as not to feel like a failure if it doesn't work out. Please don't beat yourself up. You have just been through one heck of a labor. You'll be great. You just need your sea legs, I'm sure. Remember this: You are the best Mommy he is ever going to know. You will rock at this! Let DH help as much as he wants now while you are healing.
Don't be hard on yourself. You just went through a lot and it will take time. Breastfeeding is not easy. Lactation consultants are there for a reason and it's good that you are utilizing this service. Give it time and give yourself time. It's natural to feel like you do.
Good luck.
Don't stress about BF - we supplemented with formula in the hospital, and Stella is now breastfeeding just fine (although we still use a nipple shield).
DH also hasn't been through everything you have in the past few days - your body is naturally going to focus on it's own recovery, so it makes to be a bit disconnected. Hang in there, get as much rest as you can, and know you have all the best wishes in the world heading your way!