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Adoption
HTSunday: Names, The Clicky Poll Edition
Curious to see you ladies' input on a discussion I had with a coworker the other day. As I think I've mentioned, I work in a very stuck-up industry where people are supposed to conform to a "brand". Since I am more on the "artsy-fartsy" and somewhat "out there" side, I stay very quiet at work and keep my personal and professional lives and personas separate. I am there to make as much moolah as I can for adoption and fertility treatments.
My coworker has three young children, all with names in the "top 10" most popular baby names for the '90s and '00s decade. He was telling me that they felt like this will give their kids an advantage later in life, that a name that is popular, not usually abbreviated, and easy to spell would make their kids more successful socially and professionally. He went on to say that giving your child an unusual name will lead you to be perceived as unprofessional.
Well, the names we are considering for our children are family names (not common, as well as "ethnic"), literary references, etc. (Just for the record, we're not talking "Trixie" or "Cletus" or anything like that). Any child adopted from abroad likely will be keeping his/her birth name as a middle name- In other words, I'm not thinking there will be a Jacob or a Madison in our household.
I have the most popular baby name for the year I was born, and it's always gotten under my skin - when I was a kid, there were always at least 2 others in my class, and as an adult, I feel like people expect me to be more "vanilla" and less "phish food".
Also, I suspect that someone who hires an Emma over a Svetlana based solely on the first name, likely needs to get over him/herself, and is not not someone it would be pleasant to work for.
Would we potentially be setting our kids up for failure and/or "barring" them from high-paying corporate careers? Am I projecting my "phish food" persona onto a child who might have received the genes to be more "vanilla"? Or has my coworker drunk too much corporate kool-aid?
Thoughts please. And no disrespect to the parents of Jacobs, Madisons, or Emmas - those are actually names I'd consider if everyone else weren't using them too! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: HTSunday: Names, The Clicky Poll Edition
How do you react? Does it make a difference which type of odd name?
For the record... we're not considering anything out of Freakonomics, or something that a bakery would not put on a birthday cake. It's more a name you'd see, and maybe assume the parents were Shakespeare fans, or that the child's mother was from an Eastern bloc country.
I have a boy's name, and it's...becoming more common but it's not like Aidain or something like that! ?And my mom has a REALLY uncommon name.?
It hasn't held either one of us back (my mom has her PhD and is the director of a huge university program).
When I was younger I always wanted to be a common name. ?But now I love my name, and I don't want my kid to be a common name either.
Your name introduces you but it doesn't define you. ?
My boss saw a name in the birth announcements awhile back.
Zohnarea.?
Well, that's a name your boss might be right about...I'd have a hard time looking past that on the resume..unless they wrote the definitive work on herpes or something ;D
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But seriously, I want to name our kid something kinda out there and I'm not that worried about it.
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I work in the mountains, so there are certain names that I roll my eyes at. No flames please, but they are: Colt/Colton, Dalton, Dakota, Cody, Sierra, Montana, etc. or any other name that screams cowboy/girl!
I read a sociological study that did find that people's names that are long, more difficult to pronounce or "seemed" too ethnic did have more difficulty with their resumes being reviewed. I don't know what the stats are on people who have "professional" / "corporate" positions acquiring, retaining and being promoted are.
Personally, putting on my judgy hat, I think that your co-workers reasons for selecting their children's names is just as wack as someone who intentionally won't select a name for their child that is considered "in" - for the pure delight of not following a trend or seeming conformist normal.
Pick names that speak to you. Pick names that fit. But try to imagine your own life with a name that you give your child. Not the romantic version but the version where every where you go people say it incorrectly, people/chidren make fun of you because of it, and so forth. Only so much of that is character building before it becomes too negative. A persons name very much so helps form their personality and identity. It's a fact. You can't live in some alternate reality and think that everyone will think that the name you picked - no matter how original and 'neat' sounding to you - will be cool. People judge.
The only valid thing I see in his argument is that something easy to spell makes life easier -- teachers will have an easier time teaching your child to spell his/her name and will be able to pronounce it, potential employers will be able to pronounce it, etc. I see folks in our call center every day having a hard time reading names because y's have been replaced with i's or i/e's, or letters are being doubled up or singled down for no reason, etc.
Everyone has their own reason for picking a name. As I've said before, your perception is your reality. I don't think it's anymore fair of you to judge him for his reasons/his reality, than it would be for him to judge you for your reasons/your reality. We have loved our names for years -- and yes they include a Payton and a Jacob, but they were chosen before we got married and before we even started this process, and before they were popular. I'm not about to change now, just because they are popular. They mean something special to us.
Pick a name you love, and if you don't care about the spelling/pronunciation, go for it. All that matters is that you love it.
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LOL. My name is in there, oh and yes, my parent's met and fell in love at the University of Wyoming, I was born in Boulder, CO, grew up going to Wyoming football games.....I went to school in Arizona...and we are moving back to CO in three weeks! I wouldn't say I'm a "Cowgirl." As you put it...but I definitely am from the Western states!
I think it's interesting that people from the "mountains" of NY are using those names. ?
OH! I'm sorry if I insulted you! I agree that it is odd that ppl in NY use those names.
I'm not trying to put down anyone who chooses "popular" names for their babies, and I'm sorry if it came across that way. I actually really like this coworker, and think his kids' names are pretty and flow nicely.
What really bothered me about the conversation was what I perceived to be a thinly veiled, "you're not going to be successful at this company if you don't give your children certain names." I have also heard some of my coworkers say negative things about adoption, even after I told them privately that I found it offensive. All makes me worried - maybe unnecessarily - about how my office environment will change once I "come out" as a PAP, KWIM?
That does stink of him to imply that. And if it's true, it stinks of your company. I have to be honest, we had a coworker at our old company who named her children Lexxus, Mercedez, and Infinitii (yes, those were the exact spellings), and she did get laughed at. The children's name didn't prevent her from advancing (her work ethic did), but they were definitely the topic of many conversations around the office.
People will judge regardless, but unless your coworker is making the hiring/promotion decisions, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I think it depends on that name. I have a unique name but it isn't "weird" at all. I think there is a difference in having a less common name v. just having some name that sounds totally made up. To a certain extent, I can agree with your coworker. There was even a section in Freakanomics that talked about this and how if an employer receieves two identical resumes but one has a totally out there name and the other person is "Katherine", "Katherine" is more likely to get the interview.
I don't know. I don't think your name has to be Jacob to be successful, but I also wouldn't give my child a name that was too strange either.
I have been trying to position myself to move to another divison, and maybe need to work at that harder. I really think/hope it is just more a certain clique than the whole company that has this "must be uber professional and live up to our brand 24-7" mindset. I think it's that plus feeling like I'll be even less accepted once we adopt is really weighing on me.
Which is a separate issue.
BTW - I love the name Payton for a girl! And your blog's graphics/layout are awesome.
I'm not offended at all. I laughed when I saw my name in the choices.
I agree with MrsBlake--I know my name isn't made up..it's not really common?and it's probably really not common for a girl! I have heard the things about teachers and the thing about "Freakanomics" (been to the "names" board lately? They LOVE that topic over there!) and maybe I'm naive but if I don't get a job...I just move on, I never dwell on it and then go back and check to see who got it--and if their name was "Sarah" go--"Oh woe onto me--it was my uncommon name that blew that opportunity!"?
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If you want to know the opinion of an uncommonly named adult female...here it is. Growing up, sometimes it stank--but at about...16, (oh yes..the epicenter of teenage angst!) I realized that my name was actually super awesome, unique..a stand out..and power. ?In a school of 3,000 kids..there was only ONE "me." ?The drawback was--there was only one "ME!" ?It was kinda like Spiderman..with great power comes great responsibility. If I did well...people knew, and remembered, but if I screwed up...sheesh it was easy for them to remember! ?Now--people remember that name. I love it.?
Sounds cheesy, but it's true.
I think your coirker has very little imagination. ?
While I agree with the "Freakonomics perspective", I think a lot of it has to do with region or diversity within your region.
For example, my inlaws have never encountered a Muslim or someone of Indian descent in their community because it is very small and rural-- an "ethnic" name there would raise eyebrows. Whereas I work in a city where every language in the world is spoken and almost all of my coworkers have "ethnic" or "diverse" sounding names. I wouldn't bat an eyelash if someone in my firm named their DC Guruprasad or Bing or Sven, and I doubt our recruiting department would pass over their resume because of that either.
Now, if someone names their child Jor-ja (yes, this is an actual name of a student of a teacher friend), I would look down on them for naming their child that, no matter WHAT region they came from.
Working in a hospital, I see hundreds of names a week. I love to play a game with myself where I try to guess (for what seem like obviously foreign names) where folks are from and what ethnicity they might be. Not that you can always make that judgment from a name, but its always so interesting to see how far folks have traveled across their lifetimes.
I must say that more common names don't appeal to me as much as interesting names with real meaning or a story behind them. As an Amy (one of the most popular names in the 70's), I definitely felt my name was boring. It was not uncommon for me to have homeroom classes with 3-5 Amy's each year. **snooooze**
We really like a girl name that has a literary reference to a book we both loved as kids. Not common, but not hard to spell or entirely "out there." We are struggling with coming up with a boy's name. We like traditional stuff (Thomas, Michael), but wanted to come up with a cool name. Plus, our child may not be our race/ethnicity, and hoped to find something that might reflect that, as well.
To be honest, we're hoping our BP have some ideas to contribute!
Holy crap that is so rude!
I am sorry you had to deal with the retail job rejection. They misssed out.
The second scenario sounds more like your president's the one with the problem... though unfortunately, she's making it the Effies' and the Barbies' problem.
I haven't had a chance to read all the responses (sorry!) but wanted to respond since I work in a school. I don't mind the unusual names and usually like them. It's the made up names and the awful spellings that get to me.
I met Bianca last year in K and thought it was so cute. Not common at all but adorable and fits her. I met Erricka, Izik and Evin and didn't think their parents were creative. I actually thought, 'poor kids, their parents didn't know how to spell their name' Maybe not fair of me but true.
I have a name that was popular years ago. I was always the only one in school with the name but it's by no means odd. I loved that I wasn't one of the girls with some nickname to keep me straight from the rest. Remember Jen, Jenny, Jennifer, Jen A., Jenny C, etc.?
I want something for our kids that is unique to them, but also not out in left field. KWIM?
Aquanetta?! Good grief, woman, that stuff makes your hair all greasy. I was thinking Aussie-Sprunchetta instead... my hair always looks much better the next day.
Our top names were chosen way before they were popular - Jaxon and Avery, which both hold meaning to us, esp. Avery (my dad's middle name). My dad actually made comment about Jaxon's name being a soap opera name (for a nn he's Jax). Well in reality, yes Jax is the name of a hunky man on my favorite soap opera, but that's not why I chose it.
Simple spellings are better and easier on people. I like it that way. (as I name my son Jaxon, the alternate spelling! ha!) My SIL was a teacher at a minority school and that names I've heard from her make my head hurt. The latest one - Twatenisha. Yes, TWATenisha.